To have a break from texting as I'm fed up of people not replying

[Mooooooove]

Event if it's just a thumbs up or a thanks?
I've had several lately where they just didn't respond.

One friend put a social media post out saying their cat had died, I have one myself and I know how hard that must be. I sent a message giving her my condolences, it was read but nothing, not even a thank you? This was weeks ago now.

Another friend who I met up with asked that I texted her when I got home, I did and then asked her about her plans for the rest of the week, again read but nothing.

A friend who was supposed to come to an event that was arranged, just didn't show up, I texted asking if they were still coming and then they said 'oops, sorry it slipped my mind!"
I told them not to worry and that there would be another event in a few weeks and they read it but never replied.

I'm not someone who needs to be in constant contact, actually I'd hate that. I don't want to see people all the time, and I understand it's normal to forget occasionally.

I imagine I'll be met with a barrage of "You have no idea what's going on in their lives" type messages and a possible diagnoses of anxiety or autism.
Honestly tired of these excuses, they equally "Don't know what's going on in my life"

I'm not asking people to write massive essays or to reply immediately, I just feel like taking a break from messaging as it's getting frustrating.

I sometimes don't see the point of things like WhatsApp as I know people "Owe you nothing", "Nobody owes you a reply", so what's the point of these services, why does anyone message anyone?

I think you need to ask yourself why you expect a reply in all cases, though. In the three examples you list, yes, the person grieving her cat could have acknowledged, but was possibly terribly upset about their loss-- but you were presumably texting to make her feel better, and you know she read your text, so that achieved its objective, surely?

The friend who didn't show up at the event did respond to your first text asking a direct question, and apologised for her no-show, but your second text didn't seem to require a reply. I assume that if she's interested in the next event, she'll contact you.

And the friend who asked you to text her when you got home was presumably doing so in order to know you'd got home OK? You were trying to extend it into a conversation about the rest of the week, but she may only have glanced at it to see that you had indeed got home safely.

WhatsApp for me isn't the place for conversations. It's for arranging meetings or times to talk on the phone, or forwarding something someone might find interesting. I will be honest, open-ended 'How are you?'s and actual conversations don't do it for me. It's a functional medium.

To communicate information!

Mine mostly consist of 'See you at seven at X' or 'Here's the French film festival programme. I'm going to X and Y -- let me know if you're interested in either and I'll get you a ticket' or 'Don't forget to buy lemons!'

This is what I use it for or 'can we meet at 10 instead of 11' or 'I just heard the new show we spoke about is on next week'

If it is important I need a reply if not I dont

Exactly. And if it's time-sensitive, I will phone the person if they don't reply soon.

I feel the same. Not necessarily a reply but just a thumbs up, an acknowledgement. To me it sort of marks the end of the conversation, otherwise I feel I'm left hanging a bit.

I mean a thumbs up or a heart emoji wouldn't hurt, but none of your examples are examples I consider to require a reply.

They don't sound like close friends or friends that give much of a shit about you. So maybe stop bothering with them and find some friends that want to chat with you.

I'm just not a texter tbh. I will a bit, but I don't get into extended chit-chat over text. I only have conversations over text if there is something pressing to talk about.

TBH I really really miss phone calls 😢

I have a friend in Sweden and we will phone at random times for nothing other than a catch up and a natter. I love it. If the person being called is free and up for a chinwag, they answer, if they're not they don't.

Everyone else seems to have a phobia of a phone conversation. "Oh I don't really do chatting on the phone..." It's sad.

It's perfectly possible they are good friends who simply don't see WhatsApp as the place for an open-ended chat.

Well the dead cat friend had posted on social media so probably thought it was weird that you didn't reply on social media... where you saw the post... where she had posted it. 🤦‍♀️ I must admit I find it annoying when I post on SM and people don't just reply on the post to have a quick conversation and instead send messages that require more of my input somewhere other than where I posted.

"Text me when you get home" is just shit people say, they don't really want to hear from you, they're just playing a part in the social contract that they think they're supposed to play.

The event person was just rude.

Years ago my nan gave me some advice she said stop calling and texting for a week you will see how many dead plants you have been watering.
So i gave up texting and calling from my phone for over a week.
Only 2 people in that time text me called me one even came to my door wondering where i was.

They are both my closest friends for over 20 plus years.

Sometimes I'm tempted to turn the blue ticks off.

I don't do phone calls, much prefer in person, so messages are a way to organise something (only exception is if they're overseas).

I don't think any of your examples particularly require responses.

....Aaaaaannndddd this is why I TALK to people!

I have turned the blue ticks off! Less stress - I don't know when or if someone has seen the message, which means I'm not wondering why they haven't replied immediately. Makes me feel calmer.

Same- and on the flip side of this, I have all my WhatsApp notifications off so I don't see messages until I decide I want to go in and look at them. I find this much better for my ADHD brain, which gets too easily distracted if I see a notification pop up and I'll abandon whatever I'm doing. This way I'm responding to correspondence on my own schedule and not on someone else's, wish I'd done it years ago.

That is deeply silly advice from your grandmother. People are busy. Some people plug in their phones in another part of the house and don't go near them for most of a day.

I might not have a message from my closest, dearest friends for far longer than a week, and these people are not 'dead plants', they're brilliant, committed, longterm friends, who just have their own stuff going on as well.

I wouldn't expect any of my friends to assume something was wrong, or that I'd been abducted by aliens if I didn't text or call for a week. I'd find it utterly bizarre if someone showed up at my door 'wondering where I was'.

All I can conclude is that you are someone who spends an awful lot of her free time glued to her phone, if a week away from messaging was some kind of big deal. And that your grandmother is trying to wean you away from it.

So when you reply to (for example) offer condolences about the death of a cat, and your friend replies to say thank you, would you then think it was reasonable if your friend then expected a reply to her message and started moaning to people about how rude you were? Conversations can't go on forever. They come to an end at some point. I think in the incidence you've given about the condolences over the death of a cat, expecting a reply is like sending someone a sympathy card and expecting to get a 'thank you for the sympathy card' card in response.

Ultimately, if you get pissy when someone doesn't reply to a message of sympathy, you're essentially revealing that you only messaged them to feel good about yourself for doing a 'good deed' rather than because you actually care about them.

I think you're being a bit precious, basically. Let it go. I'm sure none of your friends are going to mind if you text less often, given that they're not replying much to the texts you send at the moment.