Fed up of criticism from parents

[Imitatingangels]

For a start, I travel up to see them virtually every weekend and they come here approx every 2-3 months (we're an hours' drive apart).
I don't drive and it costs me around £100 a month to visit them (my Mum does sometimes give me money towards the trains which I do appreciate) she wants me to sleep over, which I do sometimes but if I buy an anytime return the train is quite a bit more expensive, she seems disappointed if I don't sleep over though. I'm 35 years old and have my own life! I feel bad if I say I'm not sleeping over.

It's just sort of expected now that I'll go up there on a weekend. I like going, but I just think why can't they come here more?

I live in a 45 sqm 1 bed flat and looking for somewhere bigger with my boyfriend? This weekend i got, why can't you just manage in a 1 bed? Why can't you just get rid of stuff you don't need? I've spent years squeezing into places and I'm sick of it.
Made to feel bad for wanting more space?
They're very big on squeezing lots of people into spaces even though theyre mortgage free and not doing badly for money, they own 2 properties outright.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but I'm just a bit fed up.

Not sure how to vote.
You are talking about two completely separate things.

Re visiting - YANBU to not want to go and see them every weekend. BUT YABU to carry on doing it, if it isn't something you want to do.

Of course YANBU to want more space. Just generally, for your own life.
But, (if you don't mind them staying with you) you could also say that, once you have a second bedroom, then they can come and visit you more often. Though, if you are only an hour apart, I don't know why anyone needs to stay overnight anyway.

I think that you need a break from visiting them. It doesn't sound as though you can share your plans, many people can't without unhelpful comments from their parents.

I bought a flat that structurally is fine however the decor was tired and old, I got criticism for wanting to paint my bedroom, being told that some people wait years to decorate and that I should be happy I just have a home to live in.
I painted it myself, I didn't ask for their help to do it and the whole thing cost me about £20, on the other hand they completely renovated the home they've only lived in for 1.5 years, which had been repainted just before they bought it, because they fancied a change.

Did you point that out to them? I would have!!!

Start going less - DH and I see our parents once a month, rarely more than that.

Just be firm - can’t do this weekend, we’re doing XYZ. If they complain/criticise, point out the hypocrisy!!

Sounds like standard parents, my Dad moans at me about several things every time I see him.

If they come to you every 2-3 months, just match their energy and do the same. They sound overbearing, interfering and critical. You are 35 and going to visit your parents every weekend must be exhausting. Does your boyfriend come with you or do you go on your own? If it is the latter, when do you get time for your relationship?

Did you point this out to them?

If they’re going to complain anyway, do more of what you want.

Tell them if what they say is upsetting.

Visit less! Surely once a month/every other month would be ample. We live right near our inlaws and even so often only see them infrequently because they have their own lives as much as we do.

That really isn't "standard parents".

Many of us have lovely supportive parents.
Indeed, many of us are loving, supportive parents.

They think other people should be "squeezed", but not them? Tell them you'll live with bf in a tiny one-bed when the two of them do the same. They sound exhausting.

Well, for a start, stop visiting so often! Every 2 or 3 months would be fine. You need your weekends to live your own life, see friends, enjoy hobbies etc.
To be brutally honest, at the age of 35 I don't understand why you are pandering to your parents so much. Maybe at age 18 or 19, but you are a mature, independent adult - time to cut the apron strings, OP!

Tell them you can only visit once a month as you’ll be getting a bigger flat and decorating every weekend.

Might as well have some fun out of their overbearing behaviour!

Seriously though if you have a partner then he needs to be who you spend weekends with.

Your irritation with your parents opinions/criticism/comments is because you see too much of them. You need to physically separate. Stop seeing them so often. Then it'll be easier for you to care less about their opinions. I understand it's chicken and egg situation right now, because you care that they'll think badly of you for seeing them less. But you just need to bite the bullet and put up with your short term emotional discomfort until you establish a new normal for your relationship. They might come to see you as a fully functioning independent adult in time with a right to your own time/thoughts/needs/dreams, or they might still think they know best. But even if they can't change how they think of you, you can change how you respond. The first step is seeing them less and giving them less information. Don't tell them about what you intend to do, that invites them to share their opinion. Tell them afterwards that you're done a thing. Or don't. You don't have to share your mind with them.

I have adult DC, I would love to see them weekly but they don’t feel the same, too busy having a life 😂 (as they should).

An hour away is definitely doable in a day, as is meeting half way for brunch or similar.

Start off by offering to see them once a month at theirs and once a month they come visit you or meet half way.

Pull them up on the being critical.

If they won’t come to yours or meet half way just say “ok see you on the X then” being 4/5 weeks later.

If you saw them once a month you may have time to build your own life where you live!

Stop visiting so often and don’t stop over.

Put them on a strict information diet. Respond to any questions in the most boring way possible. Knowledge is just going to be used as a weapon against you and you know it.