AIBU?

[MumInMidlife]

I helped my neighbour massively over the past year. I got her benefits sorted, arranged food vouchers, made sure her medication was delivered, and even sorted out her pension. Because of this she received around £20k back pay plus an ongoing £200/month pension on top.

Her son, who has a restraining order, attacked her and smashed up vans on our back street. His partner has also been nasty to her and to others, yet she keeps letting them back into her life. Recently, she started being nasty with me too — shouting in the street and showing her true colours.

Despite everything I did for her, she’s never even thanked me properly or shown any appreciation. Not even a token gesture, just nothing. And now she’s playing “happy families” again with the very people who caused her so much grief.

I feel really annoyed and hurt that after everything I did to turn her situation around, she’s treated me this way. So I’ve cut off contact completely.

AIBU to feel this way and to not want anything more to do with her?

You are an incredibly kind person. There are not many people who would step in to help a neighbour like you have.

You want the best for your neighbour and you feel wary of her family because of their past treatment. At the same time, it is natural for your neighbour to have hope that this time will be different…. Even if evidence suggests it’s unlikely.

You didn’t do any of this for thanks or praise. But, we see you. You did. Great thing.

What does 'thanked you properly' mean?

Are you looking for money?

Surely a thank you is a thank you?

As for her DS, he sounds awful but families are very complicated at times.

Nice of you to help her though, but I wouldn't be looking for more than the thank you you've already had.

It is nothing new to be honest she ill continue to ignore the red flags happens all the time, but i help because i want too i dont have expectations on others if I help them it is because I chose too

Don't worry when she wants something she will come crying, just focus on your own life and leave her to it is all you can do

Just to be clear, I wasn’t looking for money or gifts. I’d never expect that. What hurt is that she hasn’t even acknowledged the effort — not even a proper thank you. In fact she’s actually turned nasty with me instead.

Thank you, that’s really kind of you to say. I know I chose to help and I don’t regret that, but what’s hurt is that instead of any gratitude she’s actually turned on me. That’s what stings the most.

What is a 'proper' thank you though?

I think that’s part of what makes me feel so conflicted — she is vulnerable and I do feel guilty for cutting her off. But at the same time I can’t keep putting myself in the firing line when she turns on me. It just feels like whatever I do, it isn’t appreciated.

Op you did a lovely thing. Unfortunately your neighbour doesn't appreciate it. If it all goes wrong and she starts asking for help just say no. Save yourself the hassle

You can't fathom stupid..
So stop giving her so much headspace...
You sound lovely and your moral compass is healthy. The family are cunts.. No cure for that.

By a proper thank you I just meant a genuine acknowledgement — even something like “thanks so much for helping with the forms, I couldn’t have done it without you.” She never said anything at all, and that’s what really hurt.

Thank you, that’s really kind. You’re right, I do need to stop letting it take up so much of my headspace.

Thanks, that means a lot. I think you’re right — next time she asks, I just need to say no and step back.

@MumInMidlife welcome 🤗 unfortunately people tend to use others for their benefit. If she vets in trouble again just politely say sorry can't help

You're a lovely person and doing a good deed should make you proud of yourself. It's a shame the recipient has gone and turned on you, and not said thank you. But know that you definitely did help her out immensely.

She may well be mentally unwell, especially with all this bullying from her family. Or they might have forced her to be nasty to you because they want to control her and see you as a threat.

Just keep your distance. But don't ever stop doing nice things for people.