My husband called me Fat and a Slag in jest!

[AnonHm]

We have a jokey marriage I suppose and are always laughing! We’d been to see his mum and dad this morning and she’s a little crazy! She’ll admit that herself. When we left she told me I was beautiful (her son clearly hasn’t got that from her) and she said to him you’re looking nice and slim! I’ve always had an issue with my weight. I did lose 4.5 stone once when my mum was dying but put it back on over time. I do have issues with my womb and suggested hormonal issues! I’m not greedy in fact I barely eat!
i laughed once we left and said I wonder what they are saying about us now we’ve left! His reply was that You’re a silly fat sl4g and I’m a skinny w4nker! I replied with a laugh and nice to know what you really think! I know he said it as a joke and I haven’t said anything although I haven’t spoken to him all afternoon and he knows I’ve got the hump on!
im not bothered about the sl4g comment its the fat bit that’s hurt me! No doubt we’ll have an argument later when the kids aren’t around to witness it. He knows how self conscious I am with my weight and I can’t help but feel hurt about his comment. He’ll go off on one and say I’m offended even though nothing really offends me! I’m not offended I’m hurt!
clearly subconsciously this is what he thinks! Little digs over the years like when I originally lost weight and stopped going to slimming world…..you’re not going to put it all back on are you?
ironically I suffer with a bit of health anxiety after mum and I’m too scared to go on the skinny jab! My friends have and have all had positive outcomes. I’m just too scared! His reply To that in recent times has been well everyone else is doing it and they are ok just do it!
These comments come from a man that’s always said he doesn’t like skinny woman!
I’m 5’10 and and 18-20. Am I being stupid for feeling hurt? Should I take it as a joke?
It’s pushed me into starting a diet but last time I said that was why you wanting to lose weight? To attract men? I said no for myself!

The thing is OP you know he preferred it when you lost weight because he was concerned that you'd put the weight back on when you gave up slimming world. I also think there's a big difference between skinny and size 18-20.

If you struggle with your weight and found slimming world worked for you then why not try it again? You don't have to go on jabs, and certainly shouldn't if ou don't feel comfortable with it.

I wouldn't find my husband as attractive if he put on 5 stone, I'd still love him but I'd be much less attracted to him.

I think you’ll find YOU are incorrect! HTH

"Starvation mode" is largely considered a myth; your body does not stop burning fat to conserve energy when you eat less, nor does it cause weight gain. While metabolism can slow to a small degree with significant calorie restriction (a real physiological adaptation called adaptive thermogenesis), it doesn't prevent you from losing weight as long as an energy deficit is maintained. The idea that a low-calorie diet will cause your metabolism to hoard fat is inaccurate and often a misinterpretation of the body's natural, protective metabolic slowdown.

HTH...

https://www.uab.edu/reporter/research-innovation/does-your-body-really-fight-against-weight-loss-this-scientist-explains-why-the-research-says-no

https://www.foodforfitness.co.uk/starvation-mode/

I could post 100 more links...

If slimming world worked for you, and when your mum died I'm assuming you lost weight due to not eating/stress, then you can lose weight. You don't need jabs!

I'm guessing it was said as a joke but deep down he wants you to lose weight, like you have before. He's rude but maybe he didn't think he could approach the subject in a serious way.

He certainly thinks what he said in joke. That you cannot change but he could learn to be kind and polite and apologise.

Yeah “just lose the weight” OP, have you thought of that! JFC some people are dense. If only it were that easy.

Your H is an insensitive prick and I don’t like the way he talks about your weight in other contexts either. Strong words are needed, not silent treatment or bickering. Tell him outright that jokes about your size are never ok, regardless of where they come from - his “impression of what his mum might be thinking” was an insight into his mind and he can fuck off if that’s even anywhere on his mind.

And to anyone giving ‘helpful’ advice about calories in v calories out. Yes, its really that simple. Thats why there are multimillion pound industries built on it. Why sell jabs and programmes and gym memberships and clubs and special foods when all you need to do is eat less move more. <rolls eyes into back of head>

As someone with an underactive thyroid who was told to eat less and move more for a year before being diagnosed, and who has only ever been able to lose weight by being incredibly stressed, I can confirm that the body is not a machine, there are a million ways on which hormones interact and affect the way it works, it is NOT just “number in minus number out” like a fucking calculator.

This. You said yourself you're fat.

Sounds like he’s made multiple comments about your weight and asking if you’re doing it for others or yourself is unpleasant. I don’t think he’s being funny or jokey. Possibly in this situation, yes, but what you say about the history of his comments makes me think otherwise.

Fuck off out of the pulling her up about her calories.

OP - at best he's been a bit thoughtless. Does he often 'joke' with you like that or is it a bit one sided on his part?

I’m trying to view this in the context of your jokey relationship where trading insults is presumably normal for you? If that’s the case then I think you just have to let this go.

Personally I would hate it if my husband called me a fat slag joking or otherwise. It just sounds really aggressive/spiteful and unnecessary and I’m sorry, but just a bit rough really!

It really pisses me off when women are "fat shamed"and feel they have to go on a diet .At 5 ft 10 and a size 18 you are not fat at all,Skinny jabs are an indiviual choice but I would not wish to take them either! I think his remark was light hearted ,and his mum thinks youre beautiful.Please dont go on a diet just because of a throw away comment. Women have so much to contend with .Children ,jobs and periods! So what if we arent all a size 10?

I have a jokey relationship but it’s more poking fun at yourself. Feels like he went a bit too far. I don’t think he meant to upset you but maybe deep down he is conscious about your weight gain as you are. You’ve said yourself you are so he has obviously picked up on that. I would speak to him. That way he can support you in whichever way you want to address the weight and he can leave weight comments out of your banter.