You never really know someone

[Cookiecrumblepie]

Inspired by threads in sleepovers, AIBU to think that you never really know someone? Not truly? I know a friend whose house was the “hangout house” for her kids and a bunch of their friends. She was so lovely and seemingly nice, but it’s transpired that during those times she always said nasty snide things to some of the kids and essentially bullied them, ruining their self esteem. Now I think, you just never really know. And if you have children, they shouldn’t really spend huge amounts of time with friends parents unless you have known those friends for years, not just “met at the school gate” friends.

I agree. Considering most child sexual abuse happens within the family, that should tell us all that we really need to know about how people can conceal their dark intentions.

I think the only thing we can do is teach our children what safe boundaries are, and remain open with them, limiting time spent alone with other adults, remaining clear that child on child abuse is also not uncommon- and reinforcing personal boundaries around that.

And actually, anyone who shows behaviour that gives you reason to question what they're up to isn't to be around your kids.

It requires a bit of hypervigilance but touch wood, haven't had problems.

YANBU at all

when I was around 7 in primary school I went to another girl’s 7th birthday and as the mum was serving the party food she said

“Teaper’s eyes are popping out that’s why she’s so fat”

I was a fat child and hated my life at the time

I’ve never forgotten it

she was a primary school teacher too !

Same goes for the new partners parents seem to move in because they are in wove

What an absolute bitch. Did you tell your parents?

No I didn’t .. I was a very introverted low self esteem child and wasn’t very forthcoming

when I said in a general way - not mentioning that incident - I don’t like “Mary Smith” - - I don’t think she likes me - my mum called me paranoid!

Evil bitch - i hope she's had plenty of moments in her life when someone has made her feel totally shit.

Yanbu. I’m not sure we ever really know anybody.

In my own circle I can think of respected family friend, we all knew him and his whole family for decades - turns out to be a serial rapist,

DH’s best friend of 30 years, godfather to our children - turns out to have embezzled a fortune from his job.

One of my closest female friends for 20 years, abandoned her kids to run off with a new man. Until she did that she was listed as the guardian for our kids if we died, cos we thought she was a fantastic mum.

No you never truly know anyone, but I went on so many sleepovers and my kids all enjoyed them and all absolutely fine.

Its true we never really know anyone and have to be vigilant where DC are concerned. However, I do think there's an age limit on managing risk by forbidding prolonged contact with others as this is very restricting, and the risk needs to be balanced against what DC might be missing out on. I think the mitigation as they get older is to allow the contacts if they want them, but ensure they know what's unacceptable, what they should tell you about, and that you will help them out of the situation if they are uncomfortable.

I'm so sorry this happened to you!

What a spiteful bitch.

No you don't. Prior to last summer I would have sworn that my ex friend would never be cruel to me, that she always had my back, that our decades long friendship meant something to her. Not so.

So awful, this is exactly what I mean. I find some people can seem so lovely and then as soon as a back is turned, their true colours show.

Thank you - absolutely she was !