Adult sons with mental health issues

[Gimpee]

My sons grew up watching a voilent abusive father beat me and who didn't think it was his responsibility to financially support family. Both my sons have mental health issues and play up off and on. It's so exhausting and scary where can I get support for me

Of course they have mental health issues. They were victims of domestic abuse as you were. What do you mean by they “play up”? Are they violent too?

Where’s the violent husband now and are your sons living with you or independently?

One son lives with me the other has partner and kids they are 38 and 41, they are not physically voilent but are often aggressive towards me, have smashed up my house, driven into my car and have self harmed, I don't blame them their father was a scary man it took all my strength to get rid of him as in 1980's police didn't do much to support this nor did my family help.

There's a lot of information here on the effects of trauma and regaining a sense of self:
https://www.riseuk.org.uk/resources/wellbeing-for-adults

Your local domestic abuse organisation may have specialised counselling or you can do a search on BACP and see if there is trauma based therapy available.

I don't know what's going on with your sons and how open they are to change. If they're also abusive, you need to protect yourself. You can contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline 24/7 for support.

Oldest son has smashed up house driven into car threatened to kill me and uses access to grandchildren as weapons younger son lives with me but no respect breaks something every week

If they are aggressive you need to call the police every time do they are aware you will not tolerate this behaviour.
if you can, get them to the gp so they can refer for counselling x

The wait for counsellor is too long they are tunnel visioned how can person with great life understand how a crap life impacts you

Sorry you’re experiencing this OP and for what you have all been through.

Do you live in England? If so, have you self referred via Talking Therapies before?

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

I self referred for Anxiety disorder and OCD. I didn’t wait too long for an assessment and then was offered telephone counselling. (Obviously I would have preferred face to face, but the wait was long. NHS Mental health services are so underfunded and stretched).

Also, would private therapy be an option if you can afford it? Or if you work, does your work offer Occupational Therapy? If you have an OT assessment they could provide a short course of counselling.

I know it’s not the best solution, but have you ever antidepressants? If life is getting on top of you, and these incidents with your sons are causing distress, antidepressants could help in the meantime?

I also agree with PP, please report any violence and incidents with your sons to the police.