Tips to feel happier

[goonie67]

I have been feeling down a lot lately. I am very guilty of comparing myself to other people and coming up short with everything - looks, home, parenting, lifestyle, achievements. I just feel like I’m not very good at anything.

There are lots of things I want to do but I find it difficult. For example over the holidays I really wanted to get into hiking with my kids but my eldest has no interest and my youngest is happier at the local park so i lose all motivation for it. I struggle to bite the bullet to do things then feel shit like life is dull and empty.

I have a bad diet and don’t exercise which I know probably contributes to my low mood. I work 4 days a week, have two dc and no help (do have a supportive dh but he works full time and hasn’t been around a lot in the holidays). My house is a mess and I just can’t seem to get on top of everything.

Recently had a holiday which I’d been looking forward to for months but while we were away I just felt anxious, guilty, wondering if I’m making the most of it with the kids. I actually couldn’t wait to get home. Then I get home and feel miserable again. It’s like I can’t be happy with anything.

I don’t think I’m clinically depressed. I’m just setting myself expectations that are too high for me to achieve right now.

I am going to start by coming off social media as the constant comparison of other people’s life just make me feel shit. I’m also going to try and clean up my diet and lifestyle a bit. Cut back on drinking and try and get out walking more. I’d be really interested in any other feel-good tips that people might have, only small things that can be easily incorporated into the day. Thank you.

Yes, I think coming off social media is a good idea, as is improving your diet and getting some fresh air.

Don’t lose yourself. If you want to go hiking / rambling join a club and / or go on your own. You don’t need to only do what the kids want to do.

Aagh. Glitchy internet.

Read the happiness trap, it’s a really great book for thinking about these things.

I don’t and believe me I would love to do these things alone but the opportunities are rare, especially during the holidays. My youngest is only three.

I used to feel like you, then I had a massive row with my mum and she told me to lower my expectations. I scoffed at her at the time, but it was very good advice!
I would say relax. If the kids don't want to go hiking, why are you trying to enforce it? Find an activity you can enjoy together.
If you are on holiday and everyone is relaxed and happy why does it matter if you are having a chilled tv film afternoon or doing an expensive activity?
Th3 best thing I have done for my wellbeing is to go on walks by myself without my phone. I get half an hour of nature/outdoors/solitude, it does wonders for my social and parenting battery.
Try and be less harsh on yourself x

Cleaning up your diet and quitting alcohol, doing some exercise, and deleting all social media are the three best things to do so you’re already onto a winner there.

great book

There's a podcast by Michael mosley interviewing Dr Chatterjee that's a great listen

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001ts5r

Also, what happens at the weekends? Is dh not around so you can go for a hike by yourself? You sound like me with the comparison and anxiety however in my case I am a lone parent so slightly different situation here. Make sure dh pulls his weight especially evenings and weekends.

Thank you for the tips. I just can’t seem to shake myself out of it. I do think I need to totally reframe my mindset so I will have a look at that book. I am sick of feeling like I’m doing badly at everything - parenting, my weight, my house. I just want to feel proud and content instead of constantly failing and on edge.

Does your husband do his fair share @goonie67 ?

Stop caring what other people think about you. It is so liberating!

Absolutely coming off most social media has been great for me. I have no idea what anyone else’s opinions are, where they are going on holiday, what their kids are up to etc. I just get on with my life and feel fine. I deleted Facebook, Instagram and Twitter last year and can honestly say I haven’t missed them at all.

Joining a gym has been brilliant for me, I go to a strength-based class three times a week and feel so much better about myself. I didn’t go into it with the intention of losing weight or making big body changes, I just wanted to find something I enjoyed and that would stand me in good stead going into menopause.

I also barely drink these days, only socially and even then just a couple. I find my mood is much better without it.

So no major life changes, just a couple of tweaks and they’ve made a big difference.

Exercise, some fresh air and some time to yourself every day is a brilliant start, as is shifting your attention away from social media.

Write down a list of all the things you would like to do. Not what you feel you should do, but something YOU want. You mention hiking. What else? Reading a particular book, watching a specific movie (either by yourself at the cinema or tucked up at home on the sofa), cooking a new recipe, visiting somewhere local you haven’t been before, booking a trip or event you can look forward to, reconnecting with an old friend or getting a coffee in with one you want to see more of, treating yourself to a new perfume, or a body/facial oil that smells good and makes you feel happy, getting out in the garden and growing something or even just noticing the nature around you while drinking a cup of tea, buying and building some Lego just for you if that is your thing, or a craft project, or a home project that is for you that will make life more enjoyable (revamp your work space if you WFH or your bathroom if that will help give you a more relaxing space). Also consider making a weekly commitment to a club just for you - choir, book club, a language course, rambling… doesn’t matter what it is or how good you are at it. Nor do you have to achieve at it. The point is for fun, enjoyment and for giving you some time that is all yours and you are pleasing no one but yourself. Do it for a 6 week trial and try something else if it’s not for you. Mixing things up sometimes gets us out of a rut.

Make an appointment with your GP and get some blood tests done. Check your iron levels and Vit D levels are normal - you may need supplements if they are low and that can make you fatigued. I felt very anxious when I hit perimenopause - I do sympathise. Exercise, diet, self care, making changes and choices in all parts of my life to support myself better and HRT all helped massively. Take care x