To ask what finally made you stop drinking as an alcoholic?

35 replies

ChappelMoan · 23/08/2025 23:02

My mum is an alcoholic. My whole life has been completely overshadowed by it. I've never truly enjoyed a single life event as her drinking always ruins it- every Christmas, every birthday, weddings, funerals. I can't tell you how many times I've begged her to stop over the years. I want to know, if were a selfish alcoholic like my mum what finally made you stop? I don't think I will ever be able to get her to empathise with the pain she has caused.

OP posts:

BlankBlankBlank14 · 25/08/2025 13:55

DeirdreChambersWhatACoincidence · 25/08/2025 09:38

I was an alcoholic after being trafficked and then homeless. Life had gone from normal to utterly horrific in the space of a few years (much older man who I had thought was my boyfriend, forced me into it) and I couldn't cope at all.

What stopped me was finding out I was pregnant. I've had maybe five drinks since in the last six years. Sometimes I'll think, Oh I'll have a drink, but then I don't, because I don't actually want it. I think I'm lucky though.

I think you are so brave and so wonderful, I hope life is better and continues to be for you. Well done.

AliceAbsolum · 25/08/2025 14:08

You should definitely go to Al Anon OP.

DeirdreChambersWhatACoincidence · 25/08/2025 14:33

@BlankBlankBlank14 thank you♥️

Octaviathethird · 25/08/2025 15:00

My mum was an alcoholic, she also had bipolar and OCD, with hindsight she was very clearly autistic too. She destroyed my childhood, along with my abusive stepdad. She actually stopped drinking in 2016, after a long stint in a psychiatric hospital for psychosis. I'm not sure why she stopped, it was a surprise for us and we were always on the lookout for signs of her starting to drink again but she didn't. Our relationship started to improve, especially after I had my daughter in 2019. Unfortunately she died suddenly in May of undiagnosed lung cancer, she was only 60.
I was also an alcoholic, I stopped drinking at the beginning of an IVF cycle for my daughter and haven't drank since. I know I can't stop when I start drinking, and I'm an unhappy and sometimes nasty drunk, just like my mum was, so I would never put my little girl through that. My job is to protect her, including from myself if needs be.
I'm sorry your life has been marred by alcoholism, I don't have any answers unfortunately. I often wonder why I could put my daughter before booze but my mum couldn't. Both of us have/had mental health problems, neurodiversity, shitty abusive childhoods, perhaps I've had more support than my mum did, perhaps talking about things is more encouraged so there's less bottling stuff up, and more acknowledgement of how our actions affect others?

Bigcat25 · 25/08/2025 15:12

For my relative, what stopped them was that they couldn't keep up with there personal hygiene to an acceptable standard anymore. However they were quite old when it got to this point. Cleanliness was an important motivator for them.

TwinklyFawn · 25/08/2025 16:05

I am so sorry about what you are going thru. Your mum needs to make the decision to stop for herself. My cousin's husband was an alcoholic. If anyone voiced concern about his drinking he would just drank even more.

looknicejackie · 25/08/2025 17:29

For DH it was getting a diagnosis of ADHD and starting prescription medication. Until then, I don’t think I had any idea how common ADHD was in people with addiction.

HamptonPlace · 17/12/2025 12:12

mindutopia · 25/08/2025 09:30

I accepted that basically life wasn’t going to change unless I changed it. I could go on drinking the huge amounts I was drinking every day forever and probably die much earlier than I should have. Or I could stop and see if that was less miserable. It had nothing to do with anything anyone else did or said. It was purely that I decided it was worth taking the risk to see if sobriety was less shitty than drinking 3 bottles of wine every day. (It is.) I drank heavily for 20 years and now sober for 2.5.

That said, the times other people did talk to me about my drinking, what helped was when people told me how much they loved me and how much they wanted me to be better. Alcoholism is born out of shame. No one needs to shame and judge an alcoholic, they do it all themselves. So any conversation that leads with how bad and terrible they are and how much damage they’ve caused will only add fuel to the fire to keep drinking.

If you want to have a conversation about it, I would come at it from a place of love and not judgement or begging or dumping all your hurt about it on them. There is a time and a place for those conversations, but it won’t help someone get sober.

So well put. I really don’t think anyone who hasn’t ‘got’ it every really gets it

OrangeCrushes · 17/12/2025 12:16

I have found Al Anon to be super helpful for coping with situations like this. There's nothing like talking with others who have dealt with the pain and frustration of trying to support a loved one who is sick with this disease.

vincettenoir · 17/12/2025 12:20

The best account of alcoholism I have ever read is in the novel Ordinary Human Failings. It’s the mental health issues that cause the drinking. But they are really hard to tackle and treat while in active addiction.

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