Struggling how to deal with co parenting

[Girlmumof5]

any advice appreciated….

my dd previously seen her father (my ex) fairly regularly, court order in place (at his request) since she was 2 years old she is now 9. Few gaps in contact on his part due to his relationship falling apart then would get her again once things sorted on his end.

most recent fallout and he ceased contact altogether, breaching court order etc. 5 months in and he has seen dd a few times, few overnights here n there, nothing regular or set days etc which I really need as I work etc and have 3 other dd in house so I have childcare, contact finally tuned to suit usually. He does not give me any money for my dd. Never has aibu to go to child maintenance now? Also every time I ask if we can get the days sorted I get ignored. He has 2 other kids with new partner and they moved house further away 5 months ago also. Seems my dd is put last. Lots of drama if I try to sort things. My dd is autistic and adhd and can be a struggle at times and I have zero support. Can I ask how you guys would best approach this? Would be nice to have an outside view. My friends say I’m too soft but I really just want to keep the peace.

You need to apply for child maintenance right away. Unfortunately you can't force him to stick to the court order but keep a record of how little he is having contact and how often he is letting your DD down when contact is arranged and then he cancelled. I'd be tempted to go back to court and have the order adjusted if he is constantly letting you down. It's not your job to keep the peace if he's being a shit father. He obviously thinks you're a soft touch.

child access and maintenance are two separate issues, you need to apply for child maintenance asap. i guarantee he will contact you plead it will ruin him and why are you being so mean but you owe it to your daughter to claim it. also keep records of every thing broken contact, broken promises any abuse. dont let him take advantage

Thank you for the advice I appreciate it. I’m going to do this as I have always carried the weight of raising my dd when she has 2 parents. When I bring this up I get “you are her mother you should be doing it” I will get onto csa straight away.

I will also take this back to court, I find it so strange that under the court order I must provide my dd for contact yet the father can chose whether or not to take the contact up that they asked for with no consequences if breached.

I will be returning to work after maternity leave and the 2 days work are his contact days and if he won’t comply I may have to give up my job which I really don’t want to do.