Is this controlling/unreasonable?

[Motomum23]

I'd like to think I'm a pretty laid back sort of person - encourage my husband to do whatever the hell he wants to with hobbies etc but I am, and always have been, anti-drug. Apart from talking about the occasional time he's been camping and could smell cannabis or when someone made funny brownies and gave him one my dh has also not taken drugs.
Sitting in the garden this afternoon dh says I have to find where to get some smokes (as in cannabis)... I said nope, no way, that's my line in the sand I won't be married to someone who wants yo bring drugs into a home with children.
Dh then goes off on one that I can't tell him what he can and can't do and I'm so controlling. I simply framed it back, you can do whatever you want but I don't have to stay married to someone who wants to smoke drugs and that is my line - if you choose to do it you'll know exactly where we will land.

So is that a controlling stance or not??

You are entitled to your boundary and now he knows it.
Stick to it.

I wouldn't say controlling. It's your opinion really, which you are entitled to.

If mine went out to buy drugs I would be on the phone to a divorce lawyer by the time he came back.

No it isn't controlling to refuse to have drugs in your home. It also isn't controlling to not want a partner who uses drugs. You can't stop him doing it but you absolutely can decide not to stay with him.

No, not controlling.

If he’s never been a big drug user at home (or elsewhere), what’s changed?

So having never taken any drugs before, he randomly comments on a Saturday afternoon he's going to try and buy some?

Surely there's more context/backstory?! Because that's pretty weird.

You can’t control What people do, you can choose what you want to do next to!

perfectly fine!

It's bad enough he does drugs when out with his friends but to actually want to start doing them in the home when you have children is absolutely crossing a line.
You are not being controlling whatsoever. You are being a responsible parent. Unlike him.
If doing drugs is more important to him than you and his children then I can't see any point in staying married.

How old are the kids? Is he thinking a one off? Or wants to be a fully fledged Stoner?

What do you mean by times he's 'been camping and could smell cannabis'. Does this mean he's come back smelling of cannabis and you assume he's used it?

What is the back story - is he particularly stressed currently? Do all his friends use it?

Of course you can tell him (and vice versa) not to smoke in the house, and I'd say the same if it were cigarettes or cigars or a pipe. That's not controlling, it's just sticking to your family's/household's basic groundwork for living together. And you can also reasonably tell him he can't smoke or be stoned around the children, or become involved in illegal activities - probably you can't stop him, but you can make it a red line in your relationship (as it sounds like it always openly has been). Does he not have his own red lines - might be taken aback if, say, you brought a tiger home to live in the house, or moved your parents in without consulting him, or your lover?

IF he were, for example, taking a trip to somewhere where cannabis is legal, without you and the children, and said he wanted to sample it and you said he can't, then I could see the perspective that it's controlling. What you've described, though, is just you reminding him to use his basic common sense.

I thought that too.

Honestly I think it was a throw away comment that has gone out of hand... he's been binge watching some YouTube moron who openly talks about drug use .... BTW he is 65, doesn't go out with friends and probably going through some sort of late life crisis... also could smell a mega strong cannabis scented vape coming from the car in front of us today which may have bought it to mind.... I'm not concerned he's suddenly going to go looking for drugs I just found him throwing his toys out of the pram when I said nope not while we are together as completely over the top.

All seems very odd and like he's trying to promote an arguement. Of course you aren't controlling about this, on a basic level it's illegal so how can he expect you to be ok with this.

Just out of curiosity how old are your children?

if you choose to do it you'll know exactly where we will land.

This verges on a threat/ultimatum ergo controlling. Up until then its your boundary... because of that line, its a threat/ultimatum. Let them put the pieces together.

Stick to the boundary though

At 65 maybe he's just mulling over trying it. I've never taken any non prescribed drug in my life but have often found myself wondering what cannabis does and maybe I could try it just once. I won't though, it's just a passing thought.

I think this a good example of the differentiation between being controlling and have a boundary.

Saying he isn't allowed drugs in the house is controlling because it is his house too. Saying that if he does you will leave him is having a boundary (and sensible)

No it's not controlling, it's a boundary. I think a few people view boundaries as controlling behaviour, I've certainly met many men and women who don't see the difference between actual controlling behaviour and a boundary but I can see how the lines get blurred sometimes with how things are phrased.