I’m 31F and partner is 32M, we’ve been together over a decade and we have a daughter who is pre school age and another on the way.
I’ve been finding pregnancy extremely difficult; lots of sickness from the beginning and still going. Extreme fatigue because of my demanding job, my daughter wants me constantly and not dad, and very low iron levels. Also been poorly recently with an infection. I’m 34 weeks pregnant now.
This pregnancy, I feel I have done absolutely everything, or I have had to ask multiple times for support/ getting things done.
Eg, I can’t get anything down from the loft, and for weeks I have asked my partner to do it. He says he will etc but then “forgets” and when I ask again, he rolls his eyes and says “I’ll do it in my time not yours” so I then feel guilty and helpless.
I put together the next to me, I’ve ordered, washed and put away all the clothes. I moved all my pre schoolers clothing into her new room as she was in the nursery. Last year, I decorated and put together all the furniture for her room.
Up until recently, I’ve done all the housework. He used to vacuum regularly but that stopped and he has never cleaned the bathroom. I’ve had to ask him to use his initiative, eg if he sees the washing is dry, to remove it and take it upstairs and put it away. He has finally done this, but the way he puts clothing away, is just crumpled up.
If I don’t cook meals, we don’t eat. Even when I’ve been pregnant and he jokes saying “what are you gonna make me for tea then?”
He is a really hard worker at work, and he does come home late (6pm) so I understand he is tired, but I am too and it seems like when I say I’m tired, it’s turned into a competition.
When I get upset about not enough support, or I cry in general as I am an emotional person he doesn’t cuddle me at all. He just stares at me or rolls his eyes and says I cry all the time.
When I ask for more support, he says “you never talk about the things I do” which isn’t true as I always say how hard he works but says at home he is lazy. He has admitted he takes me for granted too and when I said I am at the bottom of his list, he agrees.
When I try to talk things out, he says that I over exaggerate or twist the truth, so I’m often confused about what’s actually happened. He asks for examples and because I’m so mentally fatigued and fed up, I can’t think of any so he says “see you can’t even think of any”.
He seems annoyed at my presence and I feel totally unloved. I actually get more compliments at work than I do at home. I tell him this and he says “they don’t know what you’re really like” and “you’re all sweet and innocent”.
I am not perfect and I admit that I do have mood swings, but I’m heavily pregnant. I also am going through an ADHD referral as I have found life so overwhelming and when I’ve spoken to the doctor he has asked if I’m in an emotionally abusive, and when I’ve given examples he said that it’s coercive. But I think that it’s my fault.
I have had counselling to try and get better myself, but my partner says I haven’t changed. He won’t attend counselling and he won’t do couples counselling cos he said I’ll twist the truth.
What do I do? I’m so scared about our second baby arriving and that I’m going to have a mental breakdown without the emotional support I desperately need.
Am I asking too much?