Kids parties

[Annnnoyeddotcom]

My ds is turning 7 soon. Last year we had a whole class party and kids who came to his didnt invite him back. Now some mums have also started separate group WhatsApp and arranged say 8/9 kids to do extra activities together in school holidays (mixed group) with boys and girls who he is close too and plays with in school. AIBU to be annoyed they havent invited him?

IME this is normal by this age, they make their own friends. Whole class parties were fairly standard in reception and keep getting smaller. I have WhatsApp groups with a couple of different groups of parents, DS likes to play with their children so we arrange park meet ups and play dates, plan so they are at holiday camp on the same days a couple of times in the holidays, whose going to float fiesta this weekend at the pool etc, it can't all be en masse. DS is about to start y2 so just be the same age.

It’s not sustainable to have whole class parties. Not everyone can afford that or, like me, can be arsed with it. Some children will manage to rub along ok at school but won’t actively be friends. Do yourself a favour, ditch the stress, and let him invite a select few friends to something more manageable in future.

I can understand it's frustrating, but I think you can't really expect to be included in every friendship group.

I guess the group will be more to do with which parents get on and like to hang out together.

Keep inviting the kids your dc likes around to play, a proportion will reciprocate. Then don't worry about what others do.

Class parties don’t have to continue for ever more. Round our way, they’re common in YR and Y1, then most people start to just invite a few select people. It gets blooming expensive apart from anything else!

In my experience, smaller WhatsApp groups are not so much about the kids, but more about the parents. All of the kids in our class integrate well together, there’s no cliques yet. I’m in a smaller WhatsApp group of around 6-7 parents and they’re the parents who themselves get on well. A few of them have known each other since antenatal, then a few of us each know another 1-2 of the mums well and ended up in a group together as we meet up outside of the kids and have become friends, so naturally plan activities where our kids come along too.

I’m also in a smaller group of mums because all of our kids go to the same activity, so may help out with pick-ups and drop-offs rather than writing in the class WhatsApp.

It’s nothing personal against any other child. Some parents cannot afford a full class party and instead invite a couple along for a play date.

We’ve been to whole class parties but haven’t invited those children to our parties. I think that’s totally normal. DD1(6) has parties of 10 or so kids, including some friends from outside school. If we invited people just because we went to their party of 30+ people then she wouldn’t get to invite the people she actually wanted and that’s just silly. Whole class parties are great if you want to host them, but it doesn’t mean that every kid going then will be friends with your kid.

Just focus on the kids your child is pals with and make connections with those parents. We have a small group of class friends who meet up over holidays etc because kids and mums are friendly, that’s all there is to it.

So I've organised his next party and learnt my lesson, I suppose its more about the activity where anyone could have went, especially when its his best friends who have went, if it was me I would have said is it ok to ask X. For context I don't get to stand in the yard every day to drop off and pick him up as I work full time so he goes to breakfast and after school club so dont talk to them every day but it seems unfair when it wasn't just one or two going to said activities but a good 8/10 kids.

Depending on your class sizes that’s still not even half the class. You can’t expect every parent to invite every child. Each child might not even want most of the kids there. I certainly didn’t at age 7. There were plenty of children I actively disliked. This whole class party thing is a modern trend, as is parents being personally hurt by it all. When we were kids our parents couldn’t have cared less. They just put on a wee party (usually at home) and said “invite 4 or 5 of your friends.”

Have you arranged any days out with the friends?
I am close to some of the mums and we often arrange days out together. To keep asking every child my child plays with is a bit ridiculous and gets complicated. If you want him to see his friends sort something with them

Yes only last week we went out with one of his friends and their mum, they went to said activity after this and never mentioned they were going and said activity is something that would have had to have been booked in advance. My ds would have loved to have had a whole class party again and we could afford it but we've steered him towards something with limited numbers.

I think if you do full class parties you should EXPECT not to be invited back always.
Some children

• easily get overwhelmed in crowds
• parents' really struggle financially
• want to do an activity that can only be safely done with a small number of children

It is absolutely unfair to expect these children to

• not do the activity they want because the activity they want doesn't take enough people for them to invite their real friends and everyone else who's had a whole class party.
• not do the activity they want because the activity they want is too expensive for their parents if they invite all the children that have already had parties plus their real friends
• not have a party at all because the whole class is too overwhelming and they can't invite a small number.

It is your child and your choice to do a full class party. It's FINE if that doesn't suit every child.

It's a shame to deny your DS something he would have enjoyed and you can afford to lay for because you've got a chip on your shoulder about return invites.

The only person who loses out here is your son.

Why don’t you set up a WhatsApp group with some of your DS’s friend’s mums and suggest some park meet ups etc?

Of course they didn't mention it, that would've been rubbing it in if your DC wasn't invited.

I agree with a PP in that you need to start your own WA group.