Ex husband left children alone for 5 minutes in hotel.

[FW1986]

Evening everyone, looking for some opinions. My husband recently said our marriage was over and left the family home. We had already a wedding to attend away from home so it was agreed he could take the children on his own.
On return both children aged 4 and 6 have let slip that they were left in the hotel room alone a few times whilst daddy “checked the car” (basically went out to smoke). This has infuriated me as in my opinion they are too young and I panic about fires, injuries, abduction etc
I’ve just bought this up with him and he said the car park was near (I know they had a first floor room) and it was just once quickly to get some bags out even though the children insist it was a few times.
Should I just accept this now for the risk of him thinking I’m stirring / questioning the children or would some of you be having further words?

Will having more words make any positive difference? A lot of parents would just carry on doing what they think is acceptable. If he knows your kids have told you, he may start telling them to keep secrets which would not be good.

This is good advice tbh

You can tell him you don't like him doing it, but you can't stop him seeing them, and you can't tell him how to parent when they're with him and not you.

There is much about my ExH's parenting choices that i disliked, but when they were with him, i had to trust he would make informed decisions on their safety and care.. even if it wasn't what i would choose to do.

Let it go.

Sadly if youre separated you cant police him about this. It isnt serous enough youd be able to restrict access. I do think its wrong to leave them to smoke, but hes not going to admit thats what it was.

You can calmly and rationally tell him you don’t like it and why. Maybe use some more likely scenarios like them getting scared or getting into a fight/argument. No matter how firm you are, you can’t actually make him to what you want him to do.

Document it. Sometimes these things become more of a pattern and it is worth keeping the messages about it, always raise concerns in writing.
Teach the children to neverkeep secrets from you. Can do this by making up stories, buying story books that discuss these things, The Sky is Red is a new one that helps to make sure kids go with what they know despite someone saying they are wrong. Teach the. The difference between surprises (always an end date) and secrets are not allowed. Now he knows they told you he will likely tell them to keep secrets moving forward to cover his own back.
In the meantime there isn't much else you can do. He parents his way, and i hope it doesn't become.more of an issue and he learns...