Can never contact friend

[Caffeineisthenewoestrogen]

Interested to hear the thoughts of others over this. I have a very good friend who is loving and kind, funny and thoughtful. But only when i can get hold of her. She is someone who hates technology and uses her phone only if she has to. If she didn’t like messaging and wanted to just stay in touch by calling that would be fine but she doesn’t even answer her phone when I call. Usually I don’t hear back from her whether I call or text for several days. We are both menopausal and we support each other however sometimes I feel very alone as she doesn’t see messages for days by which time I’m feeling better.
she is like this with everyone it isn’t just me but I feel as if this is something that is spoiling our friendship.
I have other friends I’m not isolated by any means but she would be my go to person mostly and I think that I am hers.
AIBU here? I know the hormones can make me irrational. My DH thinks I shouldn’t bother but he is adhd and there’s no way he would be able to wait days for a response from someone.

People are different, calling back within a few days falls within the bounds of reasonable.

I understand you need some people in your life you can get hold of immediately, but she isn’t going to be that person.

Do you live nearby? Booking regular meet ups might help.

We are both menopausal and we support each other however sometimes I feel very alone as she doesn’t see messages for days by which time I’m feeling better.

Is your friendship/communication exchanges only for support? The above quote makes it sound like it is and, from personal experience, I know how draining it can be to only have someone engaging with you when they want to offload or need a cheerleader. So in that instance I don't see her response time and availability as unreasonable.

However, if its general chit chat and friends catching up then I can also see how it can be deflating to wait days between conversations. Do you ever meet up in person?

I often leave my phone elsewhere because I'm gardening or DIYing or working. I have friends who can't understand that I'm often not able to answer a phone but I'll get back to them. If I'm up a ladder, I'm concentrating, and my phone is in the house.

Arrange to meet face to face, then you will each have the other's undivided attention. Or find someone who is more sedentary and likes to spend their days sitting chatting.

Same here. My phone is rarely by my side.

Interesting that you say your ADHD DH wouldn't wait several days as ADHD can be the reason people don't get back in touch. I have it myself. I'll think: R called. I must call her back. Where did I leave my phone? I look on the kitchen table. It isn't there but a book I started earlier is so I pick it up and read a chapter etc. Just cannot keep a thought in my head long enough to execute it. It drives me nuts. Same with email. I have five times gone to reply to a friend's email and on each occasion started replying to email that came in since she got in touch.

I also agree with PP that if the 'friendship' is based on off-loading, it can be tiring and people are not always up for offering that level of support. I'd ensure any sharing is balanced with lots of good times on a 2 fun to 1 heart to heart ratio at the very least.

Thank you for your replies, to answer some questions…
no it’s not just about support, we have teens the same age and we have a great laugh together. I would say if anything I support her more than the other way round.
I think she probable is adhd which explains so much. We live about 5 miles apart and do see each other regularly I just feel sad that I can’t share things with her “live” as they happen.
I am glad I posted as the voting indicates that I abu which is what I suspected.