Bitchy comments about university choices

[cigarsmokingwoman]

Bit of background first - Dd went to school with this girl and I grew up in the same street as her DM. Our families know each other. We don’t socialise but may make small talk.

both sets of GMs bumped into each others whereby the other GM said, which my DM felt was gloating, that she’d heard my DD didn’t get into her first choice but her GD got into her first choice (another uni and course)

now I Believe my DM when she says this was done snidely as this family have form for being jealous and bitchy but seriously why kick a kid when they’re down?

and anyway DD has gotten into a similar course and a higher ranking uni now so its all worked out. That uni asked for higher grades than the other kids uni but we’re not rubbing anyone’s faces in it. We are not nasty gossips

AIBU to think exams etc can bring out people’s nasty sides! Apologies for typos as only on my phone.

Comparison is the thief of joy… but gloating makes me feel superior…
At the end of the day she’s a stranger - don’t give her the headspace

Information diet. That’s what you all need.

I couldn’t get excited about hearsay competitiveness when you’ve my got a third party’s account of tone . I don’t really believe in entire families being ‘bitchy’ (I mean, is it genetic?), and as the child who missed her offer wasn’t actually present when the remark was made, it’s hardly ‘kicking someone when they’re down’, is it?

Why are you giving this headspace? Just roll your eyes and get on with your life.

I work for a very large firm in my profession and we don’t even have the name of the university or school on applications any longer, and we’re not unusual.

Just snobbery.

People do try to steal your joy sometimes. When DD was off to uni, she did STEM subject at Bath... my boss said "oh, Bath... not quite Russell Group is it, but well done to her anyhow"

The comment seemed well designed to put me in my place. I left there soon after.

Who cares??

Honestly, if someone left a workplace because of a mildly catty comment about their child's university from a colleague, I would assume that person was secretly ashamed of their child's destination. Otherwise it's the kind of comment you'd just say 'Thanks for your valuable opinion, Bill' to, and not think of it again.

Honestly, when it comes to this stuff, I think parents can be very proud of their dcs and it can be taken the wrong way.

My dbrother 's eldest dd got 12 astars at gcse and 5 astars at A'level. He announced the results to the family facebook group. He was proud. I don't blame him, it was a fabulous set of results and I'd have been dancing on the roof if it were me. He didn't go on about it, just on results day, just one post.

However dsis still got offended that he was bragging etc. Her ds was not keen on school and chose a different path to a career but dsis couldn't just be pleased for her niece.

My own dc came somewhere between the two and I'm still bursting with pride.
I think in results season there should be a general amnesty so proud families are allowed to announce their results and how delighted they are, and then the topic ends on Sept 1 and we all go back to normal.

It would save a lot of angst..

Lol... didn't leave because of the comment, (by the boss, she would be apoplectic if described as a colleague ) I left because the comment confirmed her character and the culture of the workplace.

( I had already "sensed" the fact that I was uneducated and fat meant that my face didn't fit.)

It was just a stand out comment of that time (4 years ago) that showed the bitchiness that exists around uni places.

Don’t mind proud parents. It’s making reference to another child’s perceived failure in don’t like, especially when that child’s family didn’t mention it themselves. And yes this family do have form for being quite nasty hence why we usually try to avoid them, but going after my kid just isn’t nice. They even said they wouldn’t have picked “that colour” for DDs prom dress, again no need for that.

When I got my O Level results (many moons ago) my DM’s friend’s daughter (year younger than me) sent me card congratulating me. Written inside was a note saying my results would have been good for her, implying not good for me though.

I love this!!

How did the other GM hear about the results? It must have been some Chinese whispers from your family. I would be telling my mother not to talk about your kids to her. Otherwise ignore. She's trying to make herself look big by making others small.

I fell out with a friend because I sent DC to the local secondary school instead of all fancy single sex school.
Her DC did an apprenticeships as a hairdresser.

The child protege from DC primary school works in the local equivalent of quick fit.
My DC went to uni and is working in the NHS as a SLT.

All 3 are important valued jobs. And all 3 are working and found their feet for now. But deep inside, I am having a good old laugh about the pretentious bitchy parents!
My advice sit back and watch the drama unfold and be proud of your DC.

IME, that's what happens anyway, if not on 1st September, then once the young people start at uni/college/sixth-form/apprenticeships. Their attention turns from how brilliantly they did in their exams (or not) to the new stuff they now have to grapple with and especially if they aren't staying on at the same school, the unfamiliar environment.

I passed all my A Levels - not very well, but enough to take up my insurance place on a degree course that included foreign policy studies. On the first day, the head of year told a whole lecture theatre of us "OK you lot. None of you know a thing about foreign policy. Read this, this and this. Off you go!" He was right. It wasn't long before everyone, including those whose parents had been to uni, dumped the chip on their shoulder about not getting into their first or second choice that they'd arrived with and made the most of where they were, which was far better than what most young people our age had to look forward to.

They didn’t kick a kid. The kid wasn’t there and will never know. Hence why it’s meaningless, and silly to care.

A friend (whose son dropped out of his science course RG University because he couldn't cope) responded to my telling her how proud I was that my niece - who worked so hard for it and refused to give up trying - had got a place at medical school (but not an RG) with "Oh, but it's only NotRG university..."

MEDICAL school, though!

Jesus Christ.

The obsession with Russell Group is bizarre, and I say that as a Russell Group graduate. It really is bollocks.

Thus displaying her own ignorance. I used to work with a lot of doctors and as far as I could make out nobody cared which university they'd attended. The courses were all designed to meet the requirements of the General Medical Council and all inspected periodically. In the UK a medical degree is a medical degree, whether it's from an ex-poly or Oxford. It might make a slight difference if a student wants to pursue an academic career alongside clinical work because of increased chances to get involved in research as an undergrad, but that's a minority.

I can understand, but not condone, people making snide digs out of insecurity, when they feel they’ve lost out in some way, but not the other way round.

Kicking someone when they’re down is inexcusable.

I find the whole publicly sharing our children's results a bit ridiculous, my son's results are his & he can share them if he wishes but we as parents just tell people 'he did well' (he got great GCSE'S) or 'he didn't do as well as he could' (his A level results weren't great- he himself admitted he didn't put the work in). The Russell Group university thing is just snobbery to me. My son has a an apprenticeship lined up & we're really proud & excited for him but honestly I feel young people nowadays are under so much pressure & the bitchy parents do not help!

@Freegrasstotally. I didn’t even know what an RG was (I didn’t go to uni in this country) and couldn’t understand it when people said ‘it’s an RG uni’. And @BeyondMyWitsBath ranks higher than many RGs (as does St A etc). I wanted my DD to choose Bath (mainly as I love the city and it’s closer) but she’s gone to Durham. I don’t think she cared at all if RG or not, she just wanted one of the best unis for her degree choice.

I don’t know anyone where I work or have worked (big global tech firms) who would give 2 hoots about which Uni you went too. Half of them didn’t go. Just need to be a decent person!