He's not asked me how it went

[PhilMcCan]

I went to my GP today as I've been having some breast issues over the last few months. I've been referred to the breast clinic, under the two week pathway. That was this morning, before 9. Had a stressful day for other reasons, and me + my partner haven't been great recently. But... He's not asked me how it went. I know if I ask I'll get "well I was waiting for you to tell me when you are ready", but am unreasonable thinking that actually no, he should have asked me?

YABU - No, you should tell him rather than wait for him to ask
YANBU - He should ask you how it went

That is always the laziest excuse in the book. I'm so sorry, OP, that he isn't good to you. I really hope you get a hopeful result very soon.

P.S. not told anyone IRL about today's appointment, and I'm not going to. Feel it needs to be private for now until/unless I need to mention it to people. So if there's no support from him there's no support at all. (I am ok with this - this is the way I work!)

Thanks, I haven't said anything to him, but I know that's what he'll say. I had another appointment (well third and final appointment as part of an assessment for something else) earlier this week and he's barely asked about that either. I don't know if he doesn't care at all, doesn't care for me, or just doesn't think.

I think, if you want to tell him, tell him, but you have said you are very private and don't want to tell anyone (else). It doesn't seem a big jump - if you don't want to tell your Mum / sister / best friend - that you don't want to talk about it with him.

Personally, I messaged my dh as soon as I came out of the appt. I did that, because I needed to share it with him. Perhaps he is thinking, because you didn't do that, then you want to keep things private until you know more ?

I’m sorry you are going through this OP and hope everything turns out ok for you.

When I was referred to the breast clinic my DH came with me. I can’t imagine a situation where he wouldn’t even ask how it went. It isn’t normal and I hope you are really considering the future of the relationship, sometimes it takes something like this to break the camels back and make us see clearly.

Take care of yourself first and foremost.

Had a stressful day for other reasons, and me + my partner haven't been great recently

"Haven't been great recently" (whatever that actually means) will be taking its toll on him too and maybe he's scared of asking the question for fear of the answer if it's bad news.

You are a grown up. Tell him. Do not play games. If you get bad news you will need his support.

Could he just be too scared to ask? Not great, but not inconsiderate.

I couldn't accept that. To either be not interested, bothered, or supportive enough to ask you how it's gone would be the end for me. He could always let you know he's there when you're ready to talk if he thinks it's because you're not in a headspace to tell him

YANBU OP, I'm sorry. I hope you are ok 💐

You are a grown up. Tell him. Do not play games.

This ^^

I hope you are doing okay today @PhilMcCan and that you've been able to talk about your worries with your partner.