To not let ds13 out at night?

[Mmmteeenywene]

Apologies, i posted in parenting earlier, but i would like more opinions than i got.
Ds13 had a sleepover at a friends house at the start of summer holidays and without prior conversation they stayed out til 11pm.
Now he asked to have a sleepover at this friends house again. His two other friends are going as well. He admitted the plan was to stay out again til late. 11pm or later.

I said no. I dont see why 13 (some of them still 12 in this friendship group) should stay out that late. Their plan was to hang out at a nearby playground and film videos. Friends patents allow this. He begged to stay over, and eventually I said he could stay til 10pm, but i would pick him up then. I just did pick him up from the playground and he is super upset. Crying the whole way home and telling me its the worst day of his life. They were having so much fun. His 3 other friends stayed. I don't know if their parents are aware they are out and not in the house. I feel bad for ds. Am i too strict?

You were right OP, thats far too late. I also wouldn't be happy with his friends encouraging him to lie. It's great that your son told you the truth.

My dd is nearly 15 and we live in a safe area in a small town and I wouldn't let her out until that time.
She has been allowed to stay out until 10am occasionally if she's at a friend's house or at the little park close to our house with sensible friends.

That's insane there really is some shitty parents about and well done for not being one

Letting A 13 year old stay out that late is setting a child up for risk and harm. The only thing they’re doing is risky crap and the only outcome will be trouble. Give those boys a few years (maybe months) and 1am will turn into drinking, drugs and violence. They’ll find older boys at 1am and may well fall into organised crime. Youth gangs have grown a lot here (Aus) and it would be naive to not realise this is how it start.

Op would be getting your son away from this group. Their parents don’t know or don’t care. I’d they’re encouraging lying then they’ll be influencing your son in more serious and negative directions soon. I would also be worried about his tears. That’s a disproportionate reaction and suggests he’s already feeling a lot of pressure to conform.

He's still a little boy. Once he go to 16, that's another story

For now listen to mum, keep low profile and play some gaming

He's definitely feeling the pressure. Hes been bullied in the past and being left out of a group is a big fear of his. But i agree with everything you said. Give it years or months and this friend with parents that let him stay out might be involved in all sorts..

You absolutely did the right thing, OP.

The sleepover parents are doubly nuts to allow this as they are in loco parentis of the other three boys. I’d be horrified if this was happening on a sleepover.

This is how 13 yos get into awful, life-changing situations.

Glad your son is OK about it today.

When my daughter was 10 she went to a sleepover party at a friends and her mum told me the next day how ‘funny‘ it was that the birthday girl and another couple of them sneaked out at 10pm and went to the park for a couple of hours. My daughter didn’t go as breaking the rules makes her super anxious but I was bewildered at how this mum thought it was all hilarious. Fast forward to now (3 years later) and I see this girl wandering around all hours of the night when I’m heading home or picking my daughter up after dance etc. I can only imagine what she’ll be up to in a couple of years.

I am sure sometimes I trend on the strict side so I check in with other parents regularly to see if I’m really far outside the norm - I have a lot of parenting anxiety and am trying hard not to show that to my kids. But I can’t see any scenario where 10 year olds hanging around the streets at midnight would be the goal.