… or AIB Lazy? So Tired.

[Lazyi]

I’m 45, and I am so tired. Everything makes me feel shattered. We are luck brought to be able to go on holiday this year and all I could think about was the packing and the washing up and the unpacking. I have a high-ish pressure job and I am moving to part time and three children and a partner, and I am just so tired and lazy. All I want to do while on holiday is sit and read and I have insomnia and therefore can’t sleep. Just feel wretched

Any advice is warmly welcome

Ask your Dr for blood tests. There may be something you’re deficient in which could be easily solved.

Holidays should be relaxing and you need to tell your DH what that looks like for you right now. In my case currently (after some health issues and an awful run of work) it means no stressful travel, being in a place that’s walkable with good food, and a few nice views. Plenty of time for a book/sitting in silence and if I want a takeaway and a bath that’s fine.

In terms of health - definitely follow up on anaemia and insomnia with GP, and perhaps talking therapies for stress in case that’s a cause too? Hoping your work change will be beneficial. It’s v hard to untangle multiple factors and not feel overwhelmed.

Hopefully some blood tests will reveal the problem. Eg vit B12, vit D deficiency, diabetes, thyroid issues.

Thank you so much. I have had blood tests in the recent past and take vit d and iron but I do forget them sometimes, so will start taking them and get another blood test. My DP is very supportive. I just don’t arch other people and think “how do they have the energy”? I saw someone today with lots of kids and amazing nails and eyelashes, and it made me feel so tired. I feel bad saying “no” yo the kids who want me to play all the time, but the pool is so cold and I can only manage 15mins at a time. Thanks to those who have responded, I am v greatful

Blood tests are first port of call - if you have the actual results you can google the numbers as NHS thresholds to treat can be a bit on the low side. How much iron are you taking?

Have you looked at perimenopause hormones as well? That can cause the insomnia and tiredness.

How long have you been feeling tired? Days? Weeks? Months?

Did you have any viral infections just before the tiredness started?

Have you noticed any other symptoms?

I have felt tired for months. Probably at least 12 months but worse lately. I have not had any illnesses beyond the “normal” colds. My periods are the same, how do I get checked for hormonal issues? I do have thyroid issues in the family. I’ve always had insomnia, but worse in the last 3 months. It’s been a stressful time at work and I have been thinking about that and also stopped exercising as much as I would like which may not have helped. Thank you again for responding.

Are you struggling with a lot on your mind perhaps and maybe a bit low and burnt out as you have a very busy life . You do need a rest and a reset - you are not lazy ; it’s inertia and a kind of mental paralysis because you are exhausted, with no time for yourself ❤️
Make some time for you to rebalance however you can , however little you can . Your own self care is truly important xx See the gp and get some tests run too and take care xxx

Thank you all. I have just realised that I have a cold and a virus. This happens at least 3 times a year, I get a hacking cough and a rash all over. This time one of the kids and DP also have some of the symptoms. I know I am run down, but I guess I hadn’t realised how much. I am a slight perfectionist, so tend to be a bit “all or nothing” with work, and recently took on a hig project which I think had more of an effect than I realised. Thank you again for help and support.

Have you specifically had your thyroid checked? It does run in families - underactive thyroid absolutely flattened me for months.

Perimenopause

If you're a perfectionist and want to do the packing yourself, do it over a weekend instead of rushing it. Write a list to save time?

Make sure DH is hands on on holiday instead of you taking the load.

Send the dirty washing to a launderette when you get back.

Cutting down on your work and recognising the need to make a permanent change is good. Try to ease off the perfectionism and give yourself a mental break. Enjoy your holiday. If it's a resort, then use the kids club.

Hi @Lazyi

I'm shocked to hear you have been tired for 12 months. Are you on HRT? If not, that may well help.

Is there any chance you might have ME/CFS? You say that you are a perfectionist - this is a common personality trait for ME/CFS patients (I have it). You can find more info here: meassociation.org.uk/

I would assume your GP would have done thyroid blood tests.

Everyone, thank you so much again for responding. It’s given me things to think about that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

1. Perimenopause: I think I need to do some research on this. I had assumed this would not be the case as my periods are still regular.
2. packing.. it’s funny that you picked on this point. As I DREAD packing. I spent a whole day doing it, and my partner did a lot of the family packing, and I really put things off to do it. I think this is a good example of why I am tired, because I can’t seem to concentrate on the job at hand, and do it in a “bitty” way. So if I need to wash up, I won’t just wash up for 10 mins, I will clean the whole kitchen and then I get shattered because I work for a long time: again, it’s the “all or nothing” mentality. This is another reason that I find it necessary to cut down on work (and luckily can) because I live and breathe it while I am working, and find it hard to focus on other things. Just makes me so tired thinking about it, as I can’t see a way out.
3. I do write lists and try to be organised vut then I lose the lists. I seem organised, but I am not.
4. thyroid, I will look at.
5. kids: there are some kids clubs but there is also a pool, and my kids just like playing there, and the last few days I have had more energy to go into it and play with them.
6. ME, again, I will look at this.

I think that I had assumed that being tired came along with kids and work but that there might be a medical cause that I need to check out. So as not to drip feed, I also have long term depression with a lot of extream depression and suicide in the family, so this is something I have to make an effort to manage with drugs and exercise and lifestyle (eg I no longer drink).

thank you so much for hearing and responding.

x

IIRC perimenopause doesn't necessarily have disruption to the periods - that's why it's "peri" as in not full menopause yet.

Secondly, people will probably jump on me for this suggestion, but the way you describe getting distracted by other nearby jobs and having all-or-nothing focus, and then the comment about losing lists and seeming organised from the outside but really not feeling it at all - these things can be common with undiagnosed ADHD. The seeming organised one is particularly common in the pattern with undiagnosed middle-aged women, because these are basically coping strategies where people find that they can manage only if they stick to very rigid methods of staying organised and if they don't stick to that method, everything falls apart. So it looks organised to others because most people don't need that level of organisation to manage.

Family history of mental health struggles, and sleep issues are also commonly related. So again, it might not be that, but maybe another item on the list to explore.

Perimenopause!

Same age and I felt exactly the same - lethargic and just couldn’t be bothered with stuff. Put it down to 3 kids, work and and a busy life . Started on HRT and within couple of months I felt like a different person! Not grumpy or tired anymore. Feel like my old self .

Sorry you're ill OP, that certainly explains a lot.

But don't underestimate how exhausting a high-pressure job can be. When I first went freelance (because I was fed up with carrying the heavy load for work colleagues and being paid less for it), I found I couldn't wake up in the morning... for about a month! I used to set alarms to go off all over the place, the radio to come on, you name it... and just slept through the bloody lot 😆 I began to worry that I'd never earn a living self-employed if I was so lazy that I couldn't even get out of bed!

In retrospect, I realise I needed to catch up on a LOT of much-needed rest, and also that judging myself as "lazy" was all part of what had got me into trouble in the first place, when taking on too much in what was supposed to be a collaborative environment.

With a strong work ethic, it is easy to overlook basic self-care, which means prioritising rest too.

I went to see a specialist doctor and also got tested for vitamin b, thyroid, iron to rule them out. There is no point testing your hormone levels as they fluctuate so much. Her logic was proof is in the pudding. If I go on estrogen (and progesterone as I still have a womb) and I feel better than the issue was my hormones. I forgot to replace my patch a couple of days ago when I was away so I had a drop in estrogen and I felt bloody awful.

As women I do think we just tend to crack on through bouts of not feeling quite right and put it down to kids / life / general busyness but honestly now I’m on HRT I can see that was the issue the whole time. And your hormones fluctuate and drop so gradually it’s a drip drip drip effect so it’s just not obvious.

I felt like this a few years ago. With hindsight, I was very stressed with a chronically very ill husband ( long term dialysis), kids, work etc.
I remember we went away one October half term and both of us were so low on energy it was ridiculous. Slept 8pm-8am every day & then snoozed more by the pool. Luckily kids had the pool & clubs etc to entertain them during the day and we just played cards etc at night . We didn’t leave the hotel for the week (which is very out of character for my general personality).
I did have blood tests and my ferritin was very low. Supplements helped in the short term, but I think true recovery came when the chronic stress was relieved.
so basically what I’m saying is to look at your whole life holistically. Is there anything that’s bringing you down constantly and is there anyway it can be improved? The impact of emotional well being on physical shouldn’t be ignored.

Getting a whole-body rash every time you have a cold isn't normal and makes me wonder if you have some kind of autoimmune condition or other immunological problem. My advice would be to go back to your GP and ask them to look more closely at your symptoms, history and family history. Stress and lifestyle issues are important, but a physical work-up comes first imo.