Advice on a situation what do you think?

[Lucy2586]

So I moved into a really nice apartment with my DD in December. It’s a beautiful area and thought ok this is somewhere great. However, downstairs I have and mother daughter. Daughter is 20 mother maybe late 40s. Daughter does not leave the house very obviously mental health problems but she’s been gaming all night really loud then sometimes has screaming fits.

I have been down about 8 times about the all night gaming it stops then a few days later continues. Then then neighbour on the bottom came up and said I have spoke to the middle neighbour about the screaming and she said it’s coming from your home. So we both went to her door obviously knowing it’s very sensitive i let her do the talking saying we cannot take the gaming, sometimes heavy metal music at 4am. This neighbour has lived next to her much longer and at her wits and end and said I am sorry but I am sick of the excuses now you are the parent there needs to boundaries. I few a bit bad we both showed up and it’s been quiet since but how do
you deal with this? We are so happy in our home but I am worried about how the steaming and obviously abuse of her mother will affect my 11 year old. Anyone had this before?

Sorry for typos typed it fast. Worried about the screaming etc

Report it to the council

My niece is autistic and this sounds very much like her.

My sister is a single parent (niece is 18). Niece screams a lot. She rarely goes out either. She is extremely intelligent, but simply can’t cope with anything other than her super rigid routine, or she melts down.

Fortunately, their house is a bungalow, and my niece’s bedroom is on the side which isn’t attached to next door.

I know how stressful it is for my sister- her life is ruled by it. I don’t have the answer; I wish I did, but please be gentle when you speak to the mother 😔.

Offer them the advice and opportunity to swap bedrooms, in a neighbourly way. See what happens.

I agree that there's need to be sensitive in how you approach this and empathy will be required as it sounds like the mother is doing her best to support her DD who is vulnerable but equally it sounds like their living situation in a middle flat isn't really long term sustainable either.

It also doesn't mean that your dd needs to grow up hearing the dd being abusive towards her mother even if there's a disability behind it. I would try to get to know the mother, see if you can offer some suggestions such as seeking out support with housing from their local authority and social services and maybe speaking to local advice services to see what entitlement the dd and her mother may have to additional support or help with more suitable housing/ access to respite services or supported accommodation for the DD. A tenancy swap might be a good idea if they're LA tenants.

They may not wish to do any of that which is their choice or may have already done it all and are just waiting but I think all you can really do is give the information and if things don't progress or improve then I would consider reporting to the council but I think better to try and offer advice and support first as it must be really difficult for the mother as well.

We were friendly and I have always tried to be friendly in my approach. I understand the mother is a very hard situation just the all night stuff is hard to deal with. Theu are large apartments so hopefully she can move into a room at the opposite site from bedrooms. They all have the same lay out. It’s just so hard with heavy metal and loud gaming when I need to be up the morning. We made it clear we understand her position but we need to come up with a solution.

If the daughter has mental health issues that lead to screaming fits/meltdowns, then I'm not sure what you think can be done.

Maybe it's a good opportunity to talk to your daughter about mental health, explain that some people have conditions that can lead to challenging behavior that they can't always control.

Obviously the gaming/music can be dealt with. If they're not willing to do it, you'll have to go down the official route. Contact the council, and her landlord.

If the neighbour has ability to game then they can follow rules.
. Stfu at 10pm is a simple rule. My ds 16 has ASD. He isn't an arsehole to our neighbours..
Get the council involved.

Yeah it’s gaming and music that is the issue. I have explained to my dd about mental health. It’s just that it starts at 10pm until 7am every night. The screaming fits happen about once a week.