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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Met up with colleague then she ghosted me

15 replies

PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 19:16

I worked somewhere for a few months but it wasn't for me so I left, there was a woman there I'd chatted to a few times and she seemed nice. I assumed I'd never see her again but then she got in touch asking how I was doing and if I wanted to meet up.

I was pleased to hear from her and we arranged it, admittedly it was quite hard to arrange something with her but we got there.

Spent about 1.5 hours with her and had a good catch up, I discovered she labels herself as a loner who 'doesn't really like people and who didn't really gel with anyone else at work' (This may be relevant later)

When I had to leave she said oh we should do this again, and even suggested a place we could try (so I assumed it wasn't just pleasantries)

About 3 weeks later I messaged her asking how she was doing and if she wanted to catch up again one time. That was 2 weeks ago and I never heard from her (I noticed she also hid her last seen and blue ticks on WhatsApp)

My text was casual and friendly, obviously I wasn't friendship material for her on that day! Fair enough, it stings a little as it's tough to make friends but hey ho.
Does it sound like she just wasn't feeling it? She did make a big song and dance of how she isn't a people person which didn't exactly fill me with hope.

OP posts:
PeonyPatch · 22/08/2025 19:19

can see why that stings, but this sounds more on her rather than you!

Owly11 · 22/08/2025 19:22

I would say 3 weeks was too soon after your meeting to suggest another meeting. People are very busy and she is not a sociable sort, so probably doesn’t go out much. She might be up for it again in a few months. It’s no big deal if she isn’t. Work colleagues rarely become lasting friends in my experience.

Mom2526 · 22/08/2025 19:24

Sounds like she has issues rather than it being about you.

Original poster
PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 19:30

Owly11 · 22/08/2025 19:22

I would say 3 weeks was too soon after your meeting to suggest another meeting. People are very busy and she is not a sociable sort, so probably doesn’t go out much. She might be up for it again in a few months. It’s no big deal if she isn’t. Work colleagues rarely become lasting friends in my experience.

Maybe it was..it was 3 weeks and 4 days if that counts, and i wasn't intending necessarily to meet up immediately but over the coming weeks. I know people are busy, but some people meet up every week if not more!

OP posts:
SitOnHisFaceIfHeDiesHeDies · 22/08/2025 19:31

She sounds a bit like me OP. We don’t like people and we don't like socialising, we try to fight this because we know deep down life would be more meaningful with deep friendships but try as we might we just don't have it in us to keep it up. It's not you, we're just arseholes.

Original poster
PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 19:31

It sounds paranoid but she made reference to a couple of quite avant-garde films and books which admittedly I haven't seen or read, so maybe she thought I wasn't highbrow enough?

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 22/08/2025 19:43

You did nothing wrong. Blocking you is strange behaviour if you ask me! Sounds like you’re better off without her in your life

Original poster
PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 19:44

iamnotalemon · 22/08/2025 19:43

You did nothing wrong. Blocking you is strange behaviour if you ask me! Sounds like you’re better off without her in your life

Thank you, i don't think she blocked as i can still see her profile picture, but she's hidden the blue tick thing so I can't know if she's read my message, it's all a bit childish.

OP posts:
Mom2526 · 22/08/2025 19:46

I have an old friend like this. Gave up because she'd cancel at the last minute as it was raining or her aunt's dog had twisted its ankle type thing. Years later mutual friend says you should get in touch, she's asking after you.

So I do, we meet up, have a nice time. She says we should keep in touch by phone and meet up every few months (she was specific on this). So after a couple of months I call (because I know she had a thing about phoning people, remembered from the past). We have a nice conversation.

A few months later I suggest talking again and lo and behold her aunty's dog's hip is broken and she'll call next week.

She has social issues that make it difficult to have a friendship with her. Nothing has changed in 40 years. And I feel annoyed I got sucked in again.

Another example. I attend a chronic illness group. I can't attend that often as it's in the day and I work. Last time I went a new woman attended, Sue. Sue says I'm new, very isolated, my granddaughter says I should come to make friends. She immediately (within 5 minutes if coming through the door) asks for my contact details and asks if we can text. I'm not really happy as I work full time but ok. She doesn't text then turns her back on me at subsequent meetings as she's embarrassed.

I think these people are struggling and never think of the impact their behaviour has on others. It's likely not about you.

OverlyFragrant · 22/08/2025 19:51

Some people, myself included, are the type of people that are drained by socialising.
Yes its nice to have friends, and they are people who I care deeply about, but I simply dont have the energy to keep in touch frequently and have innate chatter about our every day lives. If something happens I'm there, good or bad. But I will quite happily meet up every few months or so.
I've lost some friends who I care about deeply due to this, but this is just how I am. I am an introvert with a busy life.

Ps, and the WhatsApp stuff, she's just turned off read receipts. Nothing fishy.

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 22/08/2025 20:05

I would probably have waited a bit longer before suggesting the next meet up, but that's probably because these days I only see even my closest friends about every 2 months, due to busy-ness on all sides. Acquaintances tend to be even longer between catch ups, sadly. You might be surprised, she may well contact you again.

Original poster
PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 20:06

I mean she literally could have replied saying sorry she's busy but we could meet in a month or two?
It's not like I texted her the next day!
But tbh, I don't think I can be bothered with people like this.

OP posts:
iamnotalemon · 22/08/2025 20:13

PoisedMentor · 22/08/2025 19:44

Thank you, i don't think she blocked as i can still see her profile picture, but she's hidden the blue tick thing so I can't know if she's read my message, it's all a bit childish.

Show quote history

It is very childish. Absolutely no need to block you. Weird behavior.

CurlsLDN · 22/08/2025 20:24

I have read receipts (ticks) and last seen turned off on WhatsApp - it’s universal for all my contacts, not personal to anyone.

I’m not sure what the problem is, at your last meeting she suggested it might be nice to meet again.
you didn’t contact her for 3.5 weeks. Fine.
she hasn’t replied to you for 2 weeks.
so actually you left her hanging longer than she’s left you hanging!

people are busy and have their own stuff going on. I doubt it’s anything personal, you just have a casual friendship at this stage with long gaps between contact. Maybe you’ll meet again and grow closer, maybe you won’t. Just relax and see what happens

CurlsLDN · 22/08/2025 20:27

Btw when you turn off your ticks it works both ways. I have mine turned off because actually I don’t want to see if people have read my messages as if can lead to paranoid thoughts like in the op.
side effect is no one can see if I’ve read their messages either. That’s fine by me, but nothing personal to them. As I said it’s a universal setting that applies to all your convos, not individuals

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