To scream at my toddler for not listening

[nrasx]

I have a 21 month old DS. Love him to absolute bits he is my whole world but he is testing me to the max lately. He’s a clever little boy who can talk and communicate with us very well and understands everything we say. But lately he has become so stubborn it’s unreal. if I don’t cut his strawberries in time he throws himself to the floor screaming if I go to the toilet or go to pick up his nappy to change him he starts crying his eyes out, if I don’t read his mind he scream cries.
We have just bought two kittens, he loves my in laws two cats and my mums kitten so we thought why not have our own and he was fine with them the first day but now every chance he gets he’ll hit them with his toys or kick them while saying “kick kick” He used to throw himself to the floor if we said no or raised our voices to him but now he looks right through us and then goes back to doing what he does. Today I absolutely lost it I grabbed him and screamed in his face he cannot hurt them and he just looked at me went off picked up his toy bricks and started smiling and playing with them so I grabbed the brick off him and threw it across the room and screamed again but again no reaction. Was I wrong to do this?

He is our only child currently but has a few cousins his age who he sees often and we attend playgroups. He’s yet to start nursery when he’s 2 but I don't think being the only child has anything to do with this behaviour. We take him out all the time, he has every toy he could possibly want we have such a big space to play at home but it’s like when we’re home and it’s just me and him he seems so unhappy. If we have visitors or are out he’s fine but it seems to be when we’re home he acts up and whines constantly. Please tell me it gets better

Today I absolutely lost it I grabbed him and screamed in his face

The fact that you don’t realise how abusive this is -is disturbing.

Does she? Doesn’t sound to me like she thinks she’s done wrong

Kids can push you to breaking point. If you need to scream, go in another room and do it.

Of course you were unreasonable, for reasons already mentioned here.

Toddlers do not have the capacity for empathy. Your son is not even 2 years old yet! He’s a baby!

It is YOUR job to keep the kittens safe, not your son’s. You need to keep them away from him. And you need to teach him how to behave through example.

He is at a very impressionable age. Age 1-2 is absolutely crucial, developmentally. You need to model to him how to cope with strong emotions in a calm and non-aggressive, non-destructive way. This means no grabbing, yelling or throwing from you!

I feel like every parent shouts, no matter who claims they never do

I have kneeled down in front of dd and told her off in a loud voice, when she ran into a road

But screaming in his face, come on op, thats too far

Unless by screaming you mean shouting? 2 is a bit young for that I think tbh

Edit, dd is autistic and is 6. She has kicked the cat a couple of times. It was a phase, she got over it after being told 'no' repeatedly x

It’s not appropriate because it will have no impact. Of course the OP needs to protect the kittens but she does that by not allowing her child to be able to hurt them in the first place, not by shouting in his face out of frustration.

You've edited your comment so mine makes less sense now but I agree wirh the revised comment!

I have a child the same age and I also sometimes feel angry and at like I'm losing my patience, but that is not the toddler's fault, that is on us to control our emotions. What you described is normal toddler behavior and at that age they will try and test boundaries. It's not ok to shout in his face, all you'll get is him copying this later.

I think it's only ok to shout if he's in immediate danger of hurting himself and only to get his attention if you're not close enough. If you shout in anger he'll learn to do the same and you can't tell him off for doing so as he's just copying you.

Buying any pet while having young children is not a good idea in my opinion and if it doesn't seem to be working then it's on you to separate them and prioritise your child.

It might not teach him anything but at least the poor kitten would be safe. Him kicking and hitting it and then the poor thing listening to her screaming is likely to distress it.

It's not easy when you lose your temper with your child, it can happen to us all but we have to do our best to keep our cool.

I have a 20 month old and she is struggling with tantrums over the smallest things. I must admit I don't think new pets at this age is a good idea. Our little ones are too young to understand acceptable behaviour around animals.

Put your reaction behind you and move on, but you need a strategy around these new kittens as there is a good reason why animal charities don't re-home new pets around infants. They'll learn eventually, but right now it sounds like you can't offer the kittens the best home with such a young child who is still developing and learning about the world around him.

I also think you’re crazy bringing kittens into your home whilst having such a young child! Cats carry all manner of diseases in their poo and you have a toddler who doubles puts everything into his mouth!
The poor kittens are already suffering physical abuse at the hands of your son, please home them asap for their safety and your child’s health.

He's 1, you've grabbed him and screamed in his face, he must be terrified. You're meant to be his safe person. You're not doing him or the kittens you inexplicably decided to get any favours. Re-home the poor kittens, speak to your HV about a parenting course.

Yes you were wrong but I don’t blame you for losing it.

I agree with all that, but other than rehoming the kittens completely I don’t see how removing the kitten rather than him is more likely to help.

Poor kittens. They don't deserve that and you have been incredibly dense to have thought it was a good idea.
Learn to walk away, take deep breaths and come back to him. Toddlers can be extremely stubborn.
Please get rid of the kittens and read a book about toddlers.

REHOME THE KITTENS.

OP - the issue is YOU. Not your ONE YEAR OLD.

That much should be obvious. It's not acceptable to do that to such a young child. I mean seriously!!??

Watch supernanny. I know it's dated and the timeout step is probably frowned upon now but it's effective and won't harm your child's self esteem like your current approach.

It's also worth reading about brain development and what can be reasonably expected at what age. E.g. pets. That will manage your expectations of your child's behaviour.

We all get it wrong sometimes. Tomorrow is a new day so be kind to yourself.

Edit - To add Supernanny would not even recommend time out until a minimum age of two.

My sister told me to do this to my autistic son when he was little (i didn't)

Slightly beside the point, but the kittens will learn fast too and within a few days they will avoid him. Rehoming might not be necessary, it's just a matter of keeping them safe until they get a bit smarter.

Children that age can smile and laugh as a fear response. You are frightening him.

Imagine your husband or wife losing their temper and screaming at you. Now imagine them three times as big as you, towering over you. Imagine that you depend on that person completely for your food, shelter, safety, protection. Imagine they are your primary source of love and self-confidence and information about the world, that you have nowhere else to turn. Now take whatever feelings you have summoned up and magnify them by a factor of 1000. That is something like what happens inside your child when you get angry at him.

I honestly can't believe you have to ask. Of course it isn't okay to have grabbed him, screamed in his face and then picked up his toy and chucked it across the room.
Why on earth did you get kittens when you were struggling with your toddlers behaviour? How did you expect to be able to deal with 2 lively kittens and a toddler? The poor kittens will be distressed and your son is too young to know any different.
You have basically shown him that the way to deal with things is to scream and shout and grab.
Everyone loses their temper and shouts but to actually grab and scream right in his face and then when you didn't like his reaction you grabbed his toy and screamed ar him again while throwing the toy in temper. That isn't shouting that is being abusive.
You need to rehome the poor kittens and concentrate on your parenting.

He's not even 2. He won't "listen" to you for a long time. If you're screaming now it's going to be a long old preschool period for all of you.

Remove the kittens or as someone said, stairgate them a space somewhere.

You have created the extra stress for yourself by getting the 2 kittens. Your child is a baby and will not understand that he could actually kill these tiny creatures with his behaviour. It will be your fault if these kittens are damaged disabled or killed by a toddler. For goodness sake return them to the breeder or rehome them before something terrible happens. You need to focus on how you react to your child’s behaviour. If someone witnesses you behaving like this your child will be removed from you. Speak to your health visitor if you are not coping and ask for help. Your behaviour is not normal it is child abuse. Ask for help.

The kitten was being hurt. The kitten could die from a kick even from a toddler. They are very delicate. The most important thing would be making sure the kitten was safe. It's not about helping the child understand at that point it is about ensure the safety of a defenceless animal.

Of course YABU. It’s never ok to ‘scream’ at anyone - model good behaviour to your child 🙄

The point is they shouldn't have to learn to keep out of his way. The kittens should be in a safe environment. The OP screaming at her child would be very distressing for the kittens. The best thing is to remove the poor things especially as OP seems to be trying to justify her behaviour.