To not get TikTok and Snapchat on 12yr olds phone

[Monster6]

Just that really. I know these apps have 13+ ratings, I also know many kids have them before that age. Standing my ground regarding NOT getting these for ds. I feel like Im a total anomaly! Some parents I know who’ve got them (specifically Snap) have ended up deleting due to bullying. I Read the class WhatsApp last night as part of regular check of child’s phone and it was toxic af. And that’s just WhatsApp!!! 🤨

A police person came to talk to my daughter's primary school parents about mobile phone use. After that talk my daughter won't be getting a phone until at least 14. She said the most toxic app in her professional experience was Snapchat, it's really dangerous and it has a map feature where predators can find the kids easily as well as abusive messages being deleted and any screenshots being notified to the sender. Just avoid.

I hate Snapchat and it is on the banned list forever in my view. One of the worst features about it is that it defaults to displaying location so anyone can see where the user is in realtime and user profiles are public so that really is ANYONE can see where the user is in real time. I have find my location settings on DDs phone but as her parent I need to be able to know where her phone is, mainly because she’s not amazing at keeping track of her belongings, I sure as hell do not want random bloke on the internet knowing where my child is.

We as a society missed a trick when allowed our children to have smartphones. It should be flip phones all the way until they are 16. But the genie is out the bottle now and we are stuffed.

We’ve said no to all social media, including WhatsApp because you can’t stop all messages from unknown senders. I’ve heard too many horror stories from the parents of teens/tweens.

Interesting - parents of DC’s year group have said overwhelmingly they won’t let their kids join/create WhatsApp groups. Kids can have it but only use for solo messaging. A couple of parents didn’t agree but most see the groups as a perfect bullying opportunity.

DC has a phone but with a lot of restrictions inc no Tik Tok or Snap Chat.

My 12 year old dd is not allowed any social media at all, other than WhatsApp. And with the WhatsApp she’s only allowed the phone numbers of specific children and she can’t be added to groups without permission. There is no way she’ll be allowed Snapchat or TikTok anytime soon. However, she is the exception in her friendship groups as she’s the only one of her friends who doesn’t have Snapchat or TikTok. I know bullying is rife on Snapchat as she’s told me certain friends have been targeted. Their parents advise their children to stop using Snapchat short term to stop the online bullying, but none of them have indefinitely removed it from their children’s phones, which I found astounding.

I also recently spoke with an old acquaintance who works in some kind of social work/children’s services type role (I’m not sure exactly what) and she said that if she could give me one bit of advice it would be to not allow my dc to have social media access. She said that over the past few years, nearly every single child she has encountered in her job has been messed up in some way by their access to social media, whether that be through grooming, eating disorders, online bullying, sending inappropriate photos etc. She couldn’t emphasise enough how horrendous those apps were for children’s mental health, well being and safety.

Stand your ground. It's much easier to do that than to roll back afterwards.

Mine are 15, 11, and 8. And none are allowed social media, snap chat or tik tok. Doesn’t do them any harm not having them.

The amount of late teens/early 20 year olds whose whole lives revolved around trends and social media is actually scary. Their attention spans are so bad and their confidence is non existent. So my kids will not be having any social media until they’re adults and can make the decision for themselves.

That's awful. My daughter has an old phone and has WhatsApp and she's got a few friends on it, and video calls with one friend specifically. She was added to a couple of group chats that she told us about right away and she was immediately removed from them, and she was ok with it. She's not allowed group chats with children who aren't already on her contacts. It's such a nightmare to keep on top of and monitor and that's bad enough without adding all these other apps into the mix. They're toxic and I think increasing numbers of children are realising this for themselves.

@InfoSecInTheCity that is terrifying, I had no idea Snapchat lets anyone see the users location.

What I don't understand is parents who try and make their kids "instafamous". I keep seeing an old work colleague post tiktok videos to her facebook of her young twin daughters (maybe 9 years old?) doing dances to music in crop tops and shorts, along with numerous #twinsoftiktok and #twinsofinstagram hashtags. When you know how many absolute creeps there are in the world I don't know why you would want to put your young children out there for anyone to see.

My children are still young so I thankfully don’t have this problem (yet). I recently watched the channel 4 documentary with Matt and Emma Willis, something titled along the lines of the school that banned smartphones. It was truly eye opening, I would suggest watching it as a parent of a child in secondary. I don’t have those apps, but was shocked by the readily available content on them. Stand firm!

My DD just leaving primary and has had an old phone for a year. Not been allowed any social media.

Now going into secondary we've got her an i phone but i'm getting ready for the battle against all these apps.

A friend of mine who's Dd is in the same class as my dd felt the same way, but her dd's dad allowed what's app one eve. Within 24 hours the girl was in tears over being bullied and my friend was furious and deleted it.

Some of DDs friends will be wanting her on these apps and it's going to be hellish !

Banned here too for DD12 and 15. Only one parent admitted to allowing them on the parents WhatsApp group when a parent polled but it has to be way more than that.

They both have WhatsApp which bears careful review and WhatsApp have just added “channels” as I discovered when tiktok videos started to appear in her usage stats. DD1 has no interest but DD2 is now well
aware that if I see “Daily TikTok’s” appear again she’ll lose WhatsApp.

Hold firm. No good will come
of allowing it.

Read “The Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt. It’s about gen Z and how they were the first generation to grow up with social media. It’s a terrifying read.

Anyone got suggestions for split family where Dad permissive and has given free reign, no boundaries for phone use from 13 yrs so now miss 13 and miss 16 have whatever they want? How do I teach them what's wrong with Snapchat and tiktok? I don't have either. Is it more that it depends what they are using for or is it all bad?

I wouldn't even let them have a smartphone. A brick phone is perfectly adequate for a child.

DD has a smartphone but no WhatsApp, insta or snapchat or TikTok. Has asked occasionally for WhatsApp but has no desire for Snapchat - people who use that have a reputation. Hell will freeze over before I allow TikTok

Why have they even got a phone where this is an option?

I mean ‘should I kill myself poll’ - why even consider exposing a child to that.

With any smart phone they are one click away from seeing something that they can never, ever unsee. For example, (true story of another child we know) seeing a video of a real, beheading- sent via WhatsApp. Now that child can’t sleep (nightmares) and in counselling. I rest my case.

Well other people are stuffed. I’m not. My kids are not having smartphones until they are 16. End of.

I have point blank refused these apps for my 12 year old

The age rating is nothing to do with the suitability of these apps for teens, they’re to do with data collections laws in the US.

DD who is 15 still doesn’t TikTok and she only got Snapchat this year when she moved to a school were they all used that rather than WhatsApp to communicate. WhatsApp she didn’t get till she was 13.

That poll sounds absolutely disgusting by the way.

TikTok id consider.
stay away from Snapchat like the plague. I work in a primary school and we have constant issues with year 5 and 6 about bullying on Snapchat. Kids are being added to these groups where then everyone slags them off or they get threatened that someone will get them after school and unless people take screen shots the messages don’t stay on the phone for evidence.
we get parents calling every single day complaining about snap chat bullying. I’ve told my 12 year old no.

My son is 12 (13 in January). He's had a phone since he was 11. I said to both children when they were younger and friends started getting phones at 6, 7, 9 yrs old etc that they would get a phone on their 11th birthday ready for high and stuck to it. When getting the phone said no social media (no tik tok, Facebook, Snap, Insta) and again stuck to it and my son doesn't question it one bit. He has WhatsApp for group chats with his classmates and football team but when getting the phone it was agreed that me or his dad can go through it. Never seen anything untoward in any of his messages.

My youngest son is 11 this year and will have the same rules. Im sure he will give me a harder time about social media but I have already told him that I can see everything that is downloaded and if he does download any of them the phone will be taken off him.

I've seen too many awful posts of bullying amongst young kids on social media. I also don't want them comparing themselves to the false lives shown on socials.

My 12 year ds doesn't have either , luckily he's really not arsed and has never asked

I agree with kids WhatsApp , the way the kids communicate is so blunt and often nasty, mainly the girls

Tbh op I wish more parents were perhaps more informed on the dangers that go along with these apps and how much children can be exposed to through them - not even bullying but grooming and extreme pornography. Algorithms on tik tok especially can be really concerning in that regard.

If more parents stepped up and pushed for brick phones and delayed access to those apps until children were older it would make it easier for everyone the kids included because it would become the norm.

Obviously it's something they're going to grow up with but I think there's a balance between exposure too early and teaching them how to use the Internet and devices safely.