Trigger warning: Mention of self harming.
Apologies I will be writing a lot, so there's quite a bit to go through.
Some back story:
My oldest brother (Kenny) is 8 years older than me and has autism.
My other brother (Fred) is almost 2 years older than me and is very lazy and is the golden child.
My mum expected perfection and would make comments about me, but when I would confront her, she would claim she never said that. She had to be right and wound hound me until I agreed to whatever it was. If I told her anything, she would tell everyone she knew and complete strangers. She wasn't like my friends' mums. She would gossip about anyone she knew and would tell other peoples' secrets, but she hated it if anyone knew anything about her. She would also say how she got along better with men than women, so I think that may also play a part. There's more, but it would take too long to write out and as it is this is going to be a long read.
My dad died when I was 5 years old. They were not together at this time of his death. I have no other family members as her family and my dad's family cut her off.
As I grew up, she would tell me how she didn't want children and that kids ruined her life. She had to quit her job to get married then she had kids. She became Kenny's full time carer.
When me and Fred were younger we were pretty close, but not too long after he started secondary school, we started drifting apart. I was never that close to Kenny.
When I was about 14 years old, I started having problems with my mental health. I was depressed, anxious and quite paranoid. I would cry, get angry (mood swings), cut myself with anything I could get my hands. I would harm my stomach, top of my things and just anywhere I knew people wouldn't see. I would keep to myself and I wouldn't say what was wrong.
I know I didn't handle it well, but at the time I didn't know how to tell people what was wrong. I also knew she would gossip about my problems with others, which I didn't want.
Then one day, I told my teacher (I can't remember what led me to telling him) and from there the truth came out. I saw a therapist and was given medication and had other support. My mum was told and never tried helping me. She kind of just brushed it off. She did say how Fred and Kenny hated me because of how I was acting and wanted nothing to do with me. They would give me the silent treatment even though we lived in the same house. I tried apologizing, but they didn't want to know. In the end I accepted this.
As time went on:
I was still given the silent treatment years later. Fred, Kenny and my mum would talk to each other and act like a family. Fred would make up lies to my mum and say things like I stole X, Y and Z. My mum would believe him. I would claim my innocence and even when they found whatever it was, I never got an apology from her (I wouldn't expect anything from Fred). He would make comments about me as if I wasn't there calling me a "W*e" or a "C**t" and when I would defend myself, my mum would take his side. My mum would try and gossip about Fred (his secrets) to me and when I would say I don't want to get involved, she would get funny with me and wouldn't talk to me until I gossiped with her.
This went on for 4 years. No one from outside of the family was aware of how dysfunctional the family home was. My mum and Fred would talk about me downstairs quite loudly. I don't know if they were aware that I could hear them, but if I left my bedroom to go downstairs and depending on which room they were in they would close the door and if I went into that room, there would be an awkward silence.
Then one day, my mum came to me and said I had to move out as Fred didn't want me there anymore and was threatening to move out unless I did. I didn't make a mess and if I did I cleaned up after myself. I did my own laundry and meals (my mum did everything for Fred and Kenny). I did go out with people, but mostly in the morning and afternoon if I had the day off. I'm not much of a night person except for when I finish my long shift at night.
Keep in mind I was working a part-time job (sometimes there might be some overtime available) and there was no way I could afford my own place. I was giving her money per month and I was only dating my boyfriend David (now husband) for a couple of months at that time, so it felt far too early to even consider moving in with him. I had met his family and we got along. He was living with his family at the time. I didn't tell my mum about him as the relationship was so new and I didn't want her to try to ruin it.
She gave me a week to move out as that was plenty of time to find something according to her.
I was getting worked up and my mental health was struggling as a result. I was literally going to work, looking online for a flat/shared accommodations, I had contacted the council, but that wasn't much help. She would ask me daily about what was going on with my new place and I was honest with her and said that I was struggling to find something. She said I needed to find something as she wasn't changing the deadline. I didn't say anything to David as I was struggling and trying to not have a breakdown.
2 days before the deadline, I had finished a long shift and didn't get back until after 22:00 and came back to most of my things (except for furniture) in black sacks and I couldn't use my key. I called David and cried to him about what was going on and the black sacks. He spoke with his parents and said they were OK with me staying and he picked me up. His family were very lovely and supportive and said I could stay with them. I never spoke with my mum or saw her again.
Me and David eventually got our own place out of the area, got married and had our son 7 months ago. It took a while for me to accept what had happened and come to terms with it and to see how messed up whole family life/situation was.
I had recently bumped into someone my mum knew and she was asking questions about me and my baby and she mentioned how she saw my mum the other day and she didn't mention me being pregnant or having the baby (as far as I know my son is my mum's only grandchild). My mum apparently only said "She's (me) is doing well" and didn't mention the fact that I haven't spoken to her in 8 years at the time. I was honest and told her the full story; the silent treatment, changed locks etc. She was shocked and didn't know how to respond.
I received a message on Facebook from my mum and it was basically a mixture of her asking how I was, to being angry that I told that woman about family problems and wanting to know about my son. I didn't reply, but blocked her. She didn't have social media originally, so I don't know if she made one just to contact me.
I was speaking with a friend (Trisha) about my mum contacting me and she said I shouldn't have blocked her as it was obviously an olive branch and it would be good for my son to have other family members in his life (David has a big family, so I don't think our son is missing out on family). I said to Trisha that I don't care as I tried with them and got nowhere and with what happened with the black sacks and changed locks, I can't pretend that never happened.
It is worth noting that I didn't know Trisha when I was living at home with my family. I met her a few years later, but she is aware of my family situation. She believes people should forgive and move on.
David is on my side and said my mum is probably trying to save face because she doesn't want others to think badly of her and he doesn't want our son near my mum or my brothers.
I just want some outside opinions on it.