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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH lack of effort for 5year anniversary and now stupid comments is enough to not even want to spend weekend with him

19 replies

LostShepherdsPie · 21/08/2025 21:34

Five years ago my partner and I had a small covid wedding (religious ceremony) and almost a year later we moved in together. He's always been a bit shit with birthdays and anniversaries but I did make it v.clear that this is a milestone (we've had a child together now) so I did want to mark the occasion. I also known him long enough to set expectations low, so I thought a cinema date tmrw evening is about as easy as I can possibly make it for him - I even arrange for my sister to babysit so it can be the first time we've gone to cinema since our 20 month old was born.
He's refused to take the day off work, fair enough so I asked for afternoon off so we can logistically leave toddler with sister for longer. He only finally confirms he's done this yesterday.
I ask him if he's looked at cinema times and he says he doesn't need to, that kind of information is easy to get hold of on the internet and I ask him if there is anything he's done at all as part of making an effort and he said what's the big deal he can check cinema times tomorrow. After I'm annoyed he says obviously he will get a card or flowers...
He now says he would have been happy to try and arrange for his own cousin to babysit and for us to do something closer to his side of the family but I just got in there too quick...

We had talked about taking this particular cousins offer to babysit for over 6 weeks but he showed no signs of actually asking her.

I'm so annoyed.

OP posts:
TowerRavenSeven · 21/08/2025 21:40

You waited a year after you were married to move in together?

BUMCHEESE · 21/08/2025 21:41

You got married a year before moving in together? Was it a marriage that was legally required for some reason? If yes I wonder if he doesn't set much store in it?

It sounds like he's not great at celebrating stuff and I'm assuming you've had words in the past?

That aside, in my experience men do tend to leave planning later generally. What I've learned is that the end result often isn't that different, annoyingly!

What you maybe need to explain is that having something planned to look forward to is part of the fun.

Largestlegocollectionever · 21/08/2025 21:44

It sounds like you’re angry about bigger issues and looking to pick a fight over this….. maybe focus on the real issues not whether he’s sorted cinema times

DongDingBell · 21/08/2025 21:51

I don't think I'm aware of anyone taking their wedding anniversary off work. I definitely haven't.

So, I'd say you and your partner have very different ideas of a low key celebration. Your scaled down version is still quite high maintenance - time off to go to the cinema?? I think you will need to be even clearer about your expectations going forward, or you will end up disappointed every time.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/08/2025 21:59

Telling him what to do and then getting angry that he doesn't do it quickly enough doesn't seem reasonable to me. Either leave it to him or don't. What's wrong with checking cinema times tomorrow?

LostShepherdsPie · 21/08/2025 22:01

DongDingBell · 21/08/2025 21:51

I don't think I'm aware of anyone taking their wedding anniversary off work. I definitely haven't.

So, I'd say you and your partner have very different ideas of a low key celebration. Your scaled down version is still quite high maintenance - time off to go to the cinema?? I think you will need to be even clearer about your expectations going forward, or you will end up disappointed every time.

We'd need the time off to get babysitting - husbands wish to always put toddler to sleep in our own home means we can't do anything in the evening.

And he was always intending to take time off in August anyway.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 21/08/2025 22:02

Well—he doesn’t think about celebrations the way you do. Is that a problem? It would be for me. It probably wouldn’t be for someone else. The question is: would he show more thoughtful effort if he loved you more? Or is he just kind of a dope about symbolic gestures and flirtation and fun within marriage?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/08/2025 22:05

Surely the babysitter comes to your home to babysit, and that way you can go out in the evening to the cinema.

or were you planning daytime childcare ?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/08/2025 22:07

What’s the issue with just checking cinema times online?

Gooddry · 21/08/2025 22:10

All sounds a bit strange. Why did you marry but wait a year to live together. Dynamic is off

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/08/2025 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

cbbo · 21/08/2025 22:12

I don’t really understand what your annoyed about

AdhdNewMama · 21/08/2025 22:14

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/08/2025 22:05

Surely the babysitter comes to your home to babysit, and that way you can go out in the evening to the cinema.

or were you planning daytime childcare ?

Please re read the original message. It's my sister offering to babysit so we have to go to her house to drop off toddler.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/08/2025 22:17

AdhdNewMama · 21/08/2025 22:14

Please re read the original message. It's my sister offering to babysit so we have to go to her house to drop off toddler.

Name change fail?

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 21/08/2025 22:20

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 21/08/2025 22:17

Name change fail?

It looks like it.

I didn't think that was possible anymore? 😳

supersonicginandtonic · 21/08/2025 22:22

Why can't your sister come to your house?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 21/08/2025 23:13

Why would you take your child to your sister, surely it is better for your child to be babysat at home - where all nappies /wipes / clothes / toys / books etc are and where your child can go to sleep in own cot / bed.

RedNine · 21/08/2025 23:17

AintNoPunshineWhenShesGone · 21/08/2025 22:20

It looks like it.

I didn't think that was possible anymore? 😳

👀🤔

Shinyandnew1 · 21/08/2025 23:32

Please re read the original message. It's my sister offering to babysit so we have to go to her house to drop off toddler.

Are you the OP?!

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