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Original poster

To not replace something dd9 lost?

15 replies

loveulotslikejellytots · 21/08/2025 19:56

Dd (9y/o) took out a toy today (value of around £50) that she got for Christmas. It got left behind somewhere on a day out. In laws have offered to replace the item, which is lovely of them, but I’m inclined to say that no, they shouldn’t. Dd is obviously upset, but I don’t think replacing the item immediately is going to help. DD has been told several times this summer holidays not to take things out, she’s 9 after all and gets distracted.

It’s horrible seeing her so upset but ultimately it’s something she needs to learn. I think l rather she should save her pocket money and put half towards a new item.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 19:58

She’s 9… how is she taking things out without adult permission? It’s on you as well as her in my opinion. Unless she looses expensive things regularly I’d let them get it for her

Original poster
loveulotslikejellytots · 21/08/2025 20:01

I wasn’t with her when they left. My in laws were, but when we’ve been out she’s taken this item and then been told to leave it in the car. She’s never lost anything before to be fair, but we usually make her leave things in the car.

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 20:03

Well they didn’t… and now they’re offering to replace it, I think that’s nice of them and she can appreciate their kindness and now understand why stuff stays in the car. I don’t think it needs to be such a hard lesson on a first offence

NuffSaidSam · 21/08/2025 20:23

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 20:03

Well they didn’t… and now they’re offering to replace it, I think that’s nice of them and she can appreciate their kindness and now understand why stuff stays in the car. I don’t think it needs to be such a hard lesson on a first offence

I agree.

As it's a first offence I'd let them replace it for her. You can chat to her about how she needs to be more responsible/it won't get replaced again so she still learns from it.

missrabbit1990 · 21/08/2025 20:37

ToKittyornottoKitty · 21/08/2025 20:03

Well they didn’t… and now they’re offering to replace it, I think that’s nice of them and she can appreciate their kindness and now understand why stuff stays in the car. I don’t think it needs to be such a hard lesson on a first offence

Agree. Very kind in laws.

thecatsgranny · 21/08/2025 21:36

I agree let them replace it. They probably feel bad that they let her bring it out and then didn’t keep an eye on it. Let them buy a new one to make themselves feel better. The time for her to learn the lesson would be when you are in charge and she has ignored you.

User1839474 · 21/08/2025 21:38

Let them replace it.

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 21/08/2025 21:40

I wouldn't replace it straight away, especially if she was told to leave it in the car.

Have you tried a local FB group to see if anyone has found it?

I'd then try and source a second hand one.

Greencustardmonster · 21/08/2025 21:40

Is it definitely lost for good and not been handed in (if it was a day at an attraction) or put on a local Facebook group?

If it’s definitely lost I think you’re being pretty harsh on a 9 year old and I’d let the Grandparents replace it. She’s had the scare of losing it and being upset, I’d see if that was enough of a lesson before being harder on her.

BallerinaRadio · 21/08/2025 21:40

She's 9 though. Is she really going to learn? It was an accident, she didn't do it on purpose and would probably do the same again next time so I wouldn't be too harsh on her.

Robin67 · 21/08/2025 21:41

I am more inclined to agree with you OP. "No to the immediate replacement" is not the same as never replacing it. At some point, I don't know when as mine are younger, they have to learn consequences. This seems like a good start.

DublinLaLaLa · 21/08/2025 21:46

I’d let them replace it too. I bet they feel really guilty they didn’t remind her to pick it up / check it was back in the car at the end of the day/ let her take it out in the first place.

If she was my DD and I had given my usual spiel of ‘DD, if you bring <expensive toy> out and forget it, I will not replace it. Do you understand? It think <expensive toy> will be much happier waiting in the car for us, don’t you?’ then, no, I wouldn’t replace it. I might be kind and go halves with her once she’d saved up some pocket money but I’d want her to remember the event. One day it might be an expensive iPhone!

EchoedSilence · 21/08/2025 21:52

I'd let them replace it.

RubySquid · 21/08/2025 21:52

BallerinaRadio · 21/08/2025 21:40

She's 9 though. Is she really going to learn? It was an accident, she didn't do it on purpose and would probably do the same again next time so I wouldn't be too harsh on her.

Why wouldn't she? She's 9.

DGS is 7. He lost something he was told not to take out ( and had slipped in his pocket) It wasn't replaced. Next time he asked about taking something out he was reminded of this and decided against it. Not asked to bring stuff since so obviously learnt

Fountofwisdom · 21/08/2025 22:01

She’s only 9, and you say she hasn’t lost anything before. She’s already very upset, which is a lesson learnt. I think it would be really harsh not to let them replace it on this occasion, which is very kind of them.

Next time she wants to take something valuable out, you can remind her about how upset she was when she lost X and tell her that’s why we leave important things at home or in the car,

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