AIBU to be so mean to myself

[ConfusedGoldfish]

It’s like I have a little person in my brain jeering at me… e.g., I was just pottering about the house (nothing stressful) and a thought popped into my head saying “you are the most disappointing person ever”. This happens a lot - and logically I know it’s not true but it keeps happening.

One time I tried online therapy (the version where you type and therapist told me to “be kind to myself”. Like, babe, if I could do that I wouldn’t be talking to you.

so is this fairly normal or is my brain behaving unreasonably towards me?

Goodness this sounds terrible for you

Your childhood… traumatic? Relationship history… poor?

are you in a relationship? Children?

That's heartbreaking. Real therapy might help surface why you think that way and help you shift the narrative. I did it and life is much nicer when you don't loathe yourself. Xx

I’m sure you’re wonderful.
And yes this is your brain playing with you.
Ideally you need to explore this with a good therapist.
Try to distract yourself from listening

I’m sorry you feel that way. Has someone ever said those things to you or made you feel that way? But it isn’t normal, so I would try and book in with a therapist.

I have similar. From my attempts to discuss with friends and from therapy, I'd say it's absolutely not normal. Mine stems from my interesting childhood in which my mother regularly pointed out how worthless and useless and ugly I was.

Therapy didn't work for me but I think it's definitely worth exploring why you feel like that.

No so this is sort of why I think I’m being unreasonable, my childhood was fine, nothing that I think could be labelled traumatic, I have a brilliant partner (now husband) of over a decade, and we have a gorgeous little one, I got a nice house and a decent job… so like what is my problem? People face real struggles every day and here I am being ridiculous.

The only thing that I can see might relate is that I was quite a shy and awkward kid and I didn’t have any friends at school, even though I really wanted to be “popular” so I think that comes across in thoughts like “you’re so embarrassing and no one likes you”, which again I know is not true…

I’m so so sorry that happened to you, I’m sure you are absolutely great, and I hope it gets better for you.

Do you have friends, good friends, now?

I’m really surprised reading the replies here saying that this is not normal. It is for me (and other friends i have talked to). My voice hones in on any perceived laziness, being called a ‘lazy cow’ in my head is pretty normal for me. I’ve recently started therapy and we came up with a strategy to imagine the words on a blackboard and wiping them out, and then replacing them with kinder, more true words. I’ll let you know how it goes…

The following is probably a bit trite, but on the off chance it may help you, I'll post it.

I read an interview with a CEO who had experience of having intrusive thoughts, telling him he wasn't good enough and such. He got rid of them by treating them as if they were employees who'd come to him with "ideas". He'd think s little about the "idea" for a very short while, and then, if the idea/thought held no water he would do what he'd do in business. He'd tell the thought/idea to go away and come back with a thought/idea that worked.

A thought is just that. A thought, not an actual thing or a reality. Sometimes thoughts do reflect reality to us, sometimes they sabatagous us.

What made you go to therapy if you were so sure that this extreme denigration of oneself is “normal”

Surely your therapist @WillYouShutUp has told you that extreme self denigration isn’t “normal” if the therapist has given you strategies for addressing?