Friend or Foe?

[FootyMom]

Could really do with some good advice. To make a long long long story short; I am a single mother with a ten year old boy. I was with his father for ten years and we broke up four years ago. I met a lovely bloke two years ago and I am very happy. I call my sons dad a part time dad as he comes and goes as he pleases, has never ever given me child support and is not very good at helping out. So, he has finally met a girl, my best friend! We have been friends for about fifteen years, have had our ups and downs but have a good solid friendship. She also has a ten year old son. At first I didn?t know how to deal with it but felt it might work for all parties as she knew me and my ex?s history and is very fond of my son. My problem is now I can?t stop feeling resentful and jealous as he spends so much time with her and her son and I still find it difficult to get him to spend time with his own son. When he does spend time with him she is there with her son. She criticises my parenting skills if they conflict with hers and now I just found out he has been reading private emails I sent her. Can I trust her? I have not told her I know but I feel like my friendship with her is pointless now. I cant talk to her about issues I have with him and feel constantly under scrutiny. Any advice, comments, criticism welcome. . .

Similar thing happened to me many years ago (Two best friends got together). Suggest step back pleasantly and politely and wait for lots of time to pass and things shake out again. You'll end up with both of them bitching to you about the other!

Your friendship is bound to change now, and you will need to be careful what you say to her about your ex.

As for the spending time wih your son, what more can you do, if he is not stepping up. Nightmare situation....poor you.

jaysus, my first instinct was, well, this could work. But then on reading to the end of the post i think the friendship is doomed. Firstly, how on earth did she get with your ex?? Surely she must have been ther for you during the split and realise how badly he has behaved re his son. How can she condone that? Then to criticise your parenting skills....... I applaude you for being the bigger person here, but i really dont think you can trust this woman again, he loyalties, rightly or wrongly, lie elsewhere now, and she will ALWAYS take your exes side. I just don't see how your friendship can survive that. I would keep things civil but no more than that. It must really hurt that he sees more of her son than yours. I suppose it is good for your son that he gets on well with her so you are right at least you know she is not some ogre who is going to lock him in the cupboard under the stairs. But, your friend? I don't think so.

The fact that you were with your ex for so long should have meant this guy was out of bounds to any real mate in the first place. Its bad enough her getting involved with one of your exes but not when u have a son together and were together for so long. I think ur friendship with this girl became pointless the minute she became involved with your ex tbh.

Nightmare!

My ex got with my best friend before we'd actually split up so she & I stopped being best friends very quickly anyway but I think the friendship would have had to end even if he & I had already been split up. A best friend is someone who you can be totally honest with & who you can talk to about anything & her loyalties will be divided now. If she's letting him read private emails from you then you can't trust her & she has no right to criticise your parenting just 'cos it differs from hers. The jealousy is natural if he's happy to be a dad to her dc but not to his own (he sounds like a tosser btw & she's not getting much of a prize).

Step back gently - don't burn any bridges with her as their relationship may last all of 10 minutes & she'll be back bitching about him anyway. At least that way you'll still be able to have her as a friend if you want her & you'll have kept your dignity too.

Good luck.

My first question when I read this thread too was, how on earth did she get together with your ex? As a friend, to start off with, I personally would never get off with any friend's ex, out of respect to my friend.

That is a good question!! He is a musician, that is all I have to say.

Thank you all so much for your comments and advice. Think I will just take a step back for now and see what happens.....

No I dont want her to know that I know but I can hardly justify asking her to delete emails for no apparent reason. I should not have to.......

It's very thoughtless. She may say (if you did confront her) that she can't help who she falls for but as others say, your past with him should have been enought to deter her going further with this. It's not really acceptable and you've been very calm about the whole thing. I certainly wouldn't trust her anymore. Cool the "friendship" down and if she queries it just tell her you feel uncomfortable knowing they are together when so much has gone on in the past between you and your ex which she must know about. If she can't understand this then she really isn't a friend at all. Even if her relationship with him didn't last could you ever really trust her again?? She has made this decision and she must have known it would put a big strain on your friendship but she went ahead anyway.