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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Encroach On Her Hen Do

33 replies

Charliesunnysky10 · 21/08/2025 11:56

I'm one of 16 ladies in their 40's on a weekend hen do to Seville next month. My daughter A, will turn 19 on the Saturday I'm away, but had been okay with me going, as she will be starting uni and was going to celebrate with our family the weekend before, and go out with her friends the day of her birthday. However, A's plans have changed because 2 of the other girls will be at sports fixture the weekend of her birthday. She goes out with her best friend often and has been on holiday earlier this year with her. They get on well and are nice company.

I had this crazy idea that they could join us on a slightly later flight out, same hotel but obviously different room, and do their own thing - the hotel is in Plaza Nueva so there are lots of shops, bars, sightseeing, restaurants right on the doorstep.

Obviously, I would drop in on her to say Happy Birthday and get her a little gift, but I was thinking they'd eat together, not join us for meals as it's my friends Hen do after all, and although my daughter has given us lifts from places, they don't know her really well, and don't know her friend at all. I thought they could get same flight back as us though.

I asked my daughter in passing if she liked the sound of that, if it were possible. She said she really did, and that both she and her friend would be absolutely fine doing their own thing.

My question is, is a rude to ask Hen if A can kind of be there? Especially as it coincides with A's birthday? Do you think it's detracting from my friends special weekend by my daughter being there with her friend for her birthday? Am I being unreasonable to put my Hen Friend on the spot by asking?

OP posts:
zingally · 21/08/2025 12:49

I think I'd be a bit annoyed if I was your friend.

I'd be thinking, "this weekend is meant to be about me", and would then get annoyed that you wouldn't be as "present" as I'd like you to be, because you'd be thinking about your DD and sneaking off to see her.

I'd be aware that it sounds a bit selfish and immature, but it's also a bit of a rude hijack of the weekend.

BauhausOfEliott · 21/08/2025 12:58

Don't do this. It's your friend's hen do and it's not about you or your daughter.

If your daughter wants to go away for the weekend with a friend for her birthday, why can't she just organise that herself in the city of her choice? She's not a child. She can have a city break without having her mother in the same hotel.

Tagyoureit · 21/08/2025 12:59

Well you knew the dates would clash when agreeing to the hen do so id be annoyed with you if it was my hen do.

lotsofpatience · 21/08/2025 13:03

You can't be possibly serious. Do the right thing and forget about pulling some silly antics.
Don't even mention it to her.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/08/2025 13:05

IntoTheFringe · 21/08/2025 12:15

That's not what she's doing.

Well no, sounds like she's seen sense......because inviting additional people to someone's hen is not acceptable.

IntoTheFringe · 21/08/2025 13:25

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/08/2025 13:05

Well no, sounds like she's seen sense......because inviting additional people to someone's hen is not acceptable.

🤦🏼‍♀️Maybe read the post again. She was never planning to invite her to the hen do.

I honestly can't imagine being annoyed at one of my friends for wanting to see their daughter on her birthday. Who cares if that means she takes an hour or two out of a hen do that lasts an entire weekend?! I can't believe how self absorbed some of the posters on this thread are.

Onleemoi · 21/08/2025 13:31

Daughter and friend will do their own thing the majority of the time and daughter can catch up with OP during hen party downtime. The hen party aren’t going to be together 24/7 surely?

ExeterTwo · 22/08/2025 11:33

Why not just put her in a different hotel same country

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