Anyone else parenting a spirited toddler feeling a little bit defeated?
Hi all,
I love my daughter so much, but I’m struggling and hoping someone can relate. I feel like the “crazy mum” in public because I’m always the one calming her down, redirecting, or trying to regulate her emotions.
She’s very smart and very confident — honestly, I’ve never met a child her age as confident as she is. She’s been going to her gym class for about three months now, and while the other kids are quieter, she shouts out all the teachers’ names across the room as soon as she sees them. She adores the receptionist, and the moment we walked through the doors today she went straight up to her, said her name, and launched into a story about a toy she lost in the car — before the receptionist even realised she was talking! She’s just naturally conversational and social.
In class, if a teacher asks a question, she often yells out the answer first before the circle even gets around to her. I’m proud that she’s so eager and happy to share — but I also really want her to learn how to wait her turn.
Some examples of the hard parts: • If another child is in front of her about to do something, she gets immediately impatient, throws her head back, or drops to the floor. • During “butterfly legs” (stretching) when kids are supposed to say their colour one by one, she always shouts hers out first. • Today after class, the teacher got out a box of toy animals for a game. My daughter started saying “I want one, I want one.” I was calmly telling her, “We need to wait, we’ll play soon,” but before the game even started the teacher just handed her one. I felt a bit defeated, like all the waiting practice I was trying to encourage was lost. • She sometimes tries to dominate peers — slapping her hand down near a puzzle they’re working on, standing on a book they’re using, or loudly inserting herself.
She’s not avoiding kids — actually the opposite, she loves being around them — but her way of joining in can overwhelm others. She’s so confident and social, while many of the other kids stay quiet. She doesn’t go to childcare and I wonder if that’s part of it — maybe other kids are learning these skills in a group classroom environment, while as an only child she hasn’t had as much chance to practice.
I keep wondering if she’s just “spirited” or if there’s something more — maybe she’s on the spectrum at a really high level? But then so much doesn’t fit. She’s highly social, eager to connect, and extremely conversational — she just feels everything BIG.
I hate comparing her to other kids, but posts like this don’t really capture how much she stands out because of her tantrums. Yes, all kids have them, but hers are more frequent — and not the usual crying fits. They’re her being extremely stubborn: lying down on the floor and grunting when she’s angry, or being extremely loud and showing off. I feel like I’m constantly having to regulate her, and that’s exhausting.
I adore her personality, but I also feel completely overwhelmed at times and scared she’ll struggle with friendships or school later on.
My question is: how can I support her and help her learn that she has to take turns? Has anyone had a child like this, and what worked for you?
Thanks for reading. I feel a bit like shit today after class and could really use some reassurance or solidarity.