Does anyone not bond with hubby’s friends and is ok?

[Amiamiserablefuck]

Currently on hols with 3 other couple and kids - all male’s are lifelong besties of husband of 7 years. Have been for countless dinners and other social stuff with them over the years and have had a perfectly pleasant time, but now on holiday as a group and can’t wait to get away and get home.

They’re all perfectly nice people, but not my people, and spend a lot of time talking of past anecdotes inevitably involving drunken escapades and shenanigans they got up
to throughout their lives. All feels completely unrelatable to me and apart from hubby feel there is no common ground between us. Hubby being sensitive to this and making sure i’m included etc, but I’m still finding it all very difficult and ultimately feel I’m on a lads holiday which I just happen to be at (tbf that is also me being dramatic and seeing the worst of the situation - we’re doing everything together and with the kids. It’s just the chat I can’t really get on board with).

My question is, am I the miserable fuck here? Should I be getting more stuck in? I can obviously suck it up for a few days, and never do it again, but is there something wrong with my approach and should I be enjoying it more?

What are the other mums like? Are they enjoying all the sozzled bro stories? Do you think there are any couples you would enjoy going away with? Or is it the tales of drunken old times themselves that bother you? I expect I would loathe the kind of holiday you describe, with almost any group, because I am categorically not a herd animal. We sometimes have to spend short breaks with DHs extended family at jointly rented properties and even though I actually really like several of them I struggle with the lack of privacy, forced sociability and lack of alone time. By the end I’m frazzled and desperate to get out of there. But if a large group holiday is something you’d generally expect to enjoy and this group in particular is causing you trouble ii think you maybe just need to find that the books you brought with you are incredibly compelling and engineer some time away from the stag weekend vibe. But either way it’s fine for them to be them and also for you to find them, and that side of your husband, a bit boorish and dull.

Yes where are the other partners in all this?

The wives have all been around a lot longer than me (think 15-20 years) so are familiar with/part of the story and narrative. They all go way back.

All really lovely, but not my people.Generally I’m not a group person, but can handle groups of my friends. When we’ve gone on holiday in the past with friends, it’s always in a hotel, where we can do our own thing a bit, sadly it’s not possible this time.

only 3 more nights!

But you agreed to go on this holiday — why, if you knew what it would be like? I love holidays with friends, but mutual friends. I can’t imagine countenancing a situation where partners/spouses are tagging along.

YANBU - both me and DH have felt this way at certain points in our lives with old friends. It's hard to join in when people are cracking in jokes or talking about the good ol' days! Some groups are just like that.

No advice apart from it got better the longer we were together! As we started to make memories and became closer with certain couples and drifted away from others... Or made our own couple friends.

We’ve had our own holiday pre this, and this is for 5 days before the men undertake a yearly sporting challenge which is nearby. It’s not the end of the world, just not my thing I guess.

just spoke to hubby again who is now somewhat disappointed I’m not having a better time, as he felt ensuring I felt included would change my view. Maybe i am just a miserable fuck.

I’m not remotely interested in DH’s friends (nor is he interested in mine) - we wouldn’t even go for a drink together, let alone a holiday 🫣

You are being a bit miserable.

He's making efforts to include you. They sound friendly enough.

They're not being arseholes it seems?

Get over it and make the best of it.

I don’t see why you would think you were a ‘miserable fuck’. You’re on ‘holiday’ in someone else’s choice of destination, for someone else’s event, with someone else’s choice of people. Thst all sounds pretty dull to me.

I find going over the same old stories again and again very boring even if I was there and had a good time but this is just how some people bond. I have friends who just love to talk about our clubbing in the 90’s and will for hours (if they can) talk about it. Two minutes is enough for me it was great bit I really don’t need to reminisce all the time to have something to talk about

but sometimes you just have to smile and nod along, it’s just a few more days if there is a next time get a good book 😊

My DH has a group of friends he has known since he was young. I don't dislike them and their wives, they are all perfectly nice but just not quite my kind of vibe. If they suggested a holiday and my DH really wanted me to come I probably would go but I doubt I would have the best time. It's only three more days, just get stuck in with the conversation and try and make the best of it.

Try to put yourself in his shoes and reverse the role. If these were your friends, and you were having this sort of reunion, to what extent would you want him to be involved? It’s positive that he’s trying to make sure you are included, I do think you need to stick a brave face on for such a short amount of time.

You're not being miserable.
They're his friends, they don't have to be your people. It's fine to have separate friends.
There is only one of my husband's friends who I truly enjoy spending time with, the rest although they are nice, they're just not someone I can bond with.

No one is doing anything wrong here, you’re just different.

The trick with this kind of situation is to make new memories rather than spend your time reminiscing about old memories. Are there any activities you can do together which would be enjoyable for the majority? Honestly, even something like crazy golf makes the now a focus and will be remembered in years to come more than lying by a pool or sat at a table talking about old times.

I would probably avoid future trips like this. I like most of DH’s friends and get on with them. I can fake friendliness and enjoyment to oil the wheels of ensuring everyone has a good time. My DH is the same. But apart from one or two of our friendship couples (one of his and one of mine) who we now consider each other’s friends too, we’d never go away with any of them. They entertain the interests we each have individually that the other couldn’t care less about! As long as you are doing enough together to keep your relationship strong, it’s fine to be your own people with your own friends and do your own thing. Friendship holidays are fab, but unless all of you genuinely get each other, you’re better off just going as a family.

I sympathise op. I feel like this with my dh’s family - fine in small doses but I feel like I’m losing my mind and the will to live after a few days. They’re just not my people.

It’s not something I share with dh though because I don’t think it’s fair. He isn’t the problem, he loves his family, he never excludes me, and I want him to enjoy his time with them.

I think this is a situation where you put a good face on it, and soldier on.

i say YABu because it clearly means a lot to your husband and he is trying to include you. It would be nice for him to have the children have a relationship with their children.

Yep, ageeed. I just need to put a brave face on it and try to enjoy as much as possible. It’s 3 days. I can do it. Wish me luck!