Ward commotion AIBU?

[Mirabai]

So my 88 year old relative fell and broke their hip which required major surgery 2 days ago. Currently on a ward with other frail elderly patients.

This afternoon a bunch of people arrived to see one of the elderly patients on the ward. The patient themself is past communication. Then more people arrived. And then more until there were about 20 people hanging out chatting around the bedside. Pulling chairs from all over. Some had suitcases. They started ordering food from Deliveroo.

I left at 3.30 after they had all arrived assuming they’d go soon. At 7.30 my relative called me in distress as they were still there, exhausted by all the noise. I could hear them all on the phone in the background chatting and laughing - it sounded like my relative was at a party. They’d been there for 4 hours!

My relative had asked nurses repeatedly to ask them to leave. The other patients were equally disturbed and upset by the noise but some were too ill to be able to complain effectively (eg oxygen mask etc). They were also quite concerned about infection risk as some of them were coughing and sneezing. The nurses just asked the people to be quieter and pulled the curtain round the other patients’ beds.

I rang the ward myself at 7.40 to complain to the nurses, expecting someone to step in at this point. But my relative rang back at 8.30 (30 mins after the end of visiting hours) to say they were still there..

I’m thinking of putting in a complaint to PALS tomorow, as I’m not completely sure they won’t return to continue the party.

My question is AIBU to think this U? I’m genuinely doubting myself as the nurses genuinely didn’t think anything was amiss. Is this normal?

Absolutely not unreasonable! There's usually a rule of 2 visitors per patient for a reason!

I can't understand how this was allowed to happen. I'd definitely be complaining.
I thought hospitals were for ill people.....
Bloody disgrace.

Is that still a thing? I thought it was but after today I’m not sure.

Whenever I’ve visited people in hospital before it’s 1 or 2 people and the visitors try to be quiet.

I’ve recently come out of hospital, was in a ward of four. One woman had I’m not kidding 35 visitors at the same time. It was fucking ridiculous. I had a bit of a pop at the nurse as they kept opening the windows and I kept closing them. Patient could have gone
down to the family area.

turns out the two person rule
didnt apply to them and I should have had more
consideration for our foreign ward neighbours they were paying basically.

unfortunately open visiting now seems to be a thing, when my mum was recently in hospital there was visitors all hours of the day, when she spoke to one of the nurses to ask about visiting times the nurse told her visiting was now open as patients had been complaining about restrictive visiting times. The nurses didn’t like it either.

I’m so sorry. So is just a thing now? Party on ward 9.

This is an NHS ward, they were British but some obviously not from London with suitcases. Or maybe they were going on holiday? Or maybe this was their holiday? Who knows?

I can understand the need for flexible visiting hours but I can also see the downsides for staff and patients. But surely 1 or 2 at once and quietly?

YANBU but it’s not the hospitals fault, or the nurses or the ward staff. It’s down to ignorant visitors. Tell them directly next time.

If a patient has dementia often they are allowed visitors at any time.
A lot of wards no longer restrict visitors.
It does sound too much though.

I would complain to PALS, yes. It's too much for other patients and the person in charge of the ward should be looking out for them.

Complain!

Most wards seem to o have visiting times but still let people in outside those times. I think it’s really unhelpful. I honestly am unpleasantly surprised by just how exhausting it is being in hospital.

Definitely complain. Several years ago when I was in hospital with my very unwell baby, there were CFs who would come and take over the ward. I was physically and mentally exhausted from the lack of sleep and stress of looking after a sick baby and did not have the strength to complain. I wish someone from my family had taken it upon themselves to stand up to them on my behalf.

When you complain (preferably in writing) ask them about how they maintain safety on the ward. If that patient had had any medical episode how would the nurses have got to the bed to administer emergency oxygen or medication etc. Get that answer in writing too.

Had this problem with my dad in hospital in 2018

He was in for ages. There was only one member of staff who was willing to ask people to be quiet. He was really cool. He also ended up hiding a bunch of chairs at the start of visiting times so at least we got some peace and quiet while the 10 party people went off looking for chairs 😂

But it was just the one member of staff who was willing to deal with it so if he wasn't on shift, nothing was done.

It is difficult because I'm sure they'll get loads of abuse but I think there needs to be a reception point that people can't get past

I'm not so much concerned about the hours because that's not an issue in terms of noise and disruption. I was given a carer badge so I could go in pretty much any time because dad was dying, even though they wouldn't actually tell us that, but in reality they let me in early because it saved them having to feed him

I think everyone in the NHS has just lost the will in their ability to cope. I don't know what the answer is.

People playing their music out loud drove me nuts as well. It's baffling to me how many people treat hospitals as a social outing, whether it's A&E - yes, I really have seen a lot of of that - or visiting patients.

Thank you very much to all who has responded. I’m really sorry for everyone else who has similar experiences.

I’m very sorry to hear that, what an awful experience.

Good point, I will include that.

@Mirabai Good luck with your complaint (if you decide to do it). Let us know how you get on. It must have been very distressing for your elderly relative.

Open visiting is a thing in many hospitals now - but the ones I have seen with this policy usually have single rooms.

I think 2 visitors per patient is at some times impractical - it would have meant DH and my two kids couldn't have visited at the same time. But if you remove the 2 visitor limit to accommodate people who want 3 or 4 visitors, you are going to enable the entitled cheeky fuckers who want 23 or 34 visitors at a time.

It's not really the nurses' place to police this, they have nursing to be getting on with and likely would get a mouthful of abuse from the CF visitors anyway. But they should be able to call security and get them to remove these people.

I hope your relative is feeling better, OP. We currently have an elderly relative in hospital for exactly the same thing and this would distress her enormously.

The windows actually should be left open for ventilation purposes, it’s an infection control rule so you should have left the windows open. On the nurses side with this one.

on my ward, it’s a 2 person per bed rule unless the patient is EOL then we do let 4 at a time depending on other conditions in the bay. If there is another EOL for example or a prisoner, mental health patient or violent patient we stick too 2 and they have to regularly alternate. Side rooms are a bit more relaxed as the patient obviously doesn’t have to share.

We are very strict with this as the staff have a very important job to do and it’s very distracting when you have multiple people in a bay all trying to get your attention, especially if a patient arrests then you have another 15+ staff attending plus equipment to manoeuvre in a matter of seconds and trying to get sometimes inconsiderate family members to move is impossible

Was it a special day for this particular patient? Or were they very close to end of life?

When my mum was on end of life care we basically stayed there for 6 days straight- the nurses were very accommodating
Saying that we were in a private room, there were only 3 of us there all the time but other people did come in during that time to say Goodbye so there may have been 5-7 people in the room
We were very quiet and respectful though and would not have done this if she was on a ward but it just made me think, wards do give a bit more leeway with patients who are seriously ill
We also came with suitcases as we knew we wouldnt be going back and forth, the hospital was a good 2 hours from my house so I needed clothes and stuff

Yes, it’s a bit weird that anyone can walk into a hospital ward. If you phone up for info on someone they won’t tell you anything unless you are family which is sendiblish but my elderly friend drove 20 miles to visit her neighbour in the local hospital and wasn’t allowed in -I think cos she didn’t have id.

wandering is this a daily thing or where there special circumstances to this visit if a daily thing then I get it but if there where special circumstances that lead to bending rules then I would leave it wait to get all the proper info without jumping to conclusions and assumptions maybe making a family grief harder then it should be