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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hobby

38 replies

treetop122 · 20/08/2025 20:40

I’m going to give very little context to this AIBU just so I can get a general idea.

Husband started new job at the start of the summer holidays so he couldn’t take any annual leave whilst the children (10,5 &2) have been off.
I have the school holidays off so it has been me and the 3 kids every day.
Husband has booked 1 day of holiday for Friday and is going away for 24 hours for his hobby.

AIBU for being upset that he wouldn’t spend it with us?

for clarity

You are being unreasonable for being upset your husband is going away for a hobby.

you are not being unreasonable, your husband should spend the time at home with you and the kids.

** Side note, no chance for me to have time to myself. No family help etc.. also this is more to do with the fact husband would rather do the hobby.
Thank you

OP posts:

KarmenPQZ · 20/08/2025 22:13

My partner did similar… in that he got a new job this summer. We planned it out together so he took a week off in between jobs to do a week of child care but also because it’s healthy to have time off work and he assumed in a new job he wouldn’t really be able to take time off much at first. But he did put a week in the diary that we had booked for Spain last week as part of signing his contract to protect that.

Other than that clubs with 2 drop offs and earlier finishes have all been in me even though I work full time. We agreed it together before he signed the contract because it has an impact on me too.

Working without time off isn’t healthy and that’s what you’re both doing if you’re 100% on child care duty. You both need time off and as a family and you should have sat down together and discussed it before he signed a new contract. Did neither of you raise it? You need to talk about it now as what’s his plan for all the holiday he’s accrued - is he taking October half term and all of Christmas off? Now’s the time to plan it.

hes not selfish for taking a day off to go fishing. But he’s selfish if he’s only taking that one day off. He’s showing he’s not prioritising you or your kids.

Dabberlocks · 20/08/2025 22:15

So your job involves spending all day every day with children, and your entire summer holiday involves spending all day every day with children?

When do you get an actual holiday?

I'm normally one who's happy for DH to go off and do whatever, but in your shoes? I'd be seriously pissed off and pretty much on the verge of losing it by now.

lizzyBennet08 · 20/08/2025 22:17

I think you're being ridiculously dramatic to be honest. It's one day over the summer for his hobby.
he has been spending his evenings and weekends with ye.

Eagle2025 · 20/08/2025 22:22

Dabberlocks · 20/08/2025 22:15

So your job involves spending all day every day with children, and your entire summer holiday involves spending all day every day with children?

When do you get an actual holiday?

I'm normally one who's happy for DH to go off and do whatever, but in your shoes? I'd be seriously pissed off and pretty much on the verge of losing it by now.

People have suggested she take a break but she dismisses that.

Dabberlocks · 20/08/2025 22:32

Eagle2025 · 20/08/2025 22:22

People have suggested she take a break but she dismisses that.

Show quote history

Yes, I know. I don't mean a break for a few hours or a day or so, I mean an actual holiday.

mondaytosunday · 20/08/2025 23:23

Really? He’s working at a new job and you resent him taking 24 hours off on his own?
Jeez. My DH travelled frequently for his job (one year he was away 120 nights). He also went away for a few days with his older kids (my stepsons). Did I resent it? No. His job enabled us to have a lovely roof over our heads. He also was present on his days off when he got them. Is your relationship run as tit for tat? He’s only away FOR ONE NIGHT.
If you want time off from the kids just say you are booking X day one weekend. But really the circumstances are as they are: new job so can’t take time off and you are off for the summer.
By the way I was widowed when my kids were 4 and 6 so NEVER got time off unless I paid someone to mind the kids.

Eagle2025 · 20/08/2025 23:33

Dabberlocks · 20/08/2025 22:32

Yes, I know. I don't mean a break for a few hours or a day or so, I mean an actual holiday.

Show quote history

Yes hopefully things go back to normal next year for the family.

Eenameenadeeka · 21/08/2025 00:57

I can hear where you are coming from, that he can manage to get a day off for just him, but not a day off for the family. I think it's actually important for people to get a day off to relax and maybe it helps him to be a better parent when he is home that he's had a break, but that would be the same for you- you both need equal days off and I think as Mums it's something that we very rarely get- the double standard that men get a day off for themselves when for many mums never happens. And it's also that we actually choose to do family days because we value them, whereas some men value their own interests above that which I can see would feel hurtful.

Original poster

treetop122 · 21/08/2025 03:07

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. Looks as though I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:

pincklop · 21/08/2025 03:24

You’re sad for the kids who have 2 parents who work and you have a whole summer with them and dad still has weekends off… how can you be jealous of other families. So many kids don’t have any of that. Maybe you need to talk to him and explain once he comes home from work he needs to spend all his time with you otherwise he’s not a good dad/husband. Then he will stop fishing. Either way they generally stop in winter anyway so he will be at home more then

frozendaisy · 21/08/2025 03:26

Can you book a week or 4 days away at Haven or similar? next week

most new jobs would’ve upheld a booked holiday

how about October half term? Book a week away

Eagle2025 · 21/08/2025 06:03

treetop122 · 21/08/2025 03:07

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. Looks as though I am being unreasonable.

I understand how you feel but I just wouldnt want this being something that causes a problem between you. Easy for people on MN to say nasty things about your husband but the reality is you have said it's not been an issue in previous years, nothing to say next year he wont be able to get more holidays, it's one day, it means he will be there at the weekend rather than using that one day over the weekend.

You say you havent left the kids other than to go for a run once a week. If you are getting burnt out and resentment is building then book yourself a night away at a spa or something and he can be in charge of the kids for a weekend.

Zanatdy · 21/08/2025 06:17

I think it’s very selfish yes. He has one day off and spends it on himself. Yes we’d all like a break, but I worked full time for years when DC were little and I didn’t have the luxury of days off to unwind for myself. I’d also make sure I was taking time myself for a hobby / seeing friends.

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