To tell the school about this staff member

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At my DS school last year there was a bullying incident on a school residential. It led to the suspension of several children in his year group. We were aware of the incident as the boy’s mother posted about how upset she was on the parent year group.

This is a senior school. However we were not aware of the suspensions etc as parents. However the safeguarding lead Susan (name made up) is friends with Betty (a parent at another school). Susan and Betty run the local scouts group together. Susan has told Betty all about the suspensions and the bullying incident. Betty has been telling other parents at other schools etc about this and clearly has plenty of detail cos of Susan.

This is so indiscreet and frankly unprofessional of any safeguarding lead however I am reluctant to say anything to the school but I can’t trust our safeguarding lead now.

That actually makes it worse, there are appropriate ways of legitimately sharing information with those who need to know, they don’t include informal chat at an event.

Unless the teacher in the group you refer to has a clear safeguarding role in the group she has absolutely no business carrying information back to school. If there’s something they need to know, the group should follow safeguarding processed, which includes gaining consent to share from the relevant parents.

If Susan as safeguarding lead, felt there was a need for the scouts to be aware, she too should follow safeguarding processes which include gaining consent from the parents involved. It makes it worse that Betty would share that information with other parents.

Safeguarding doesn’t mean sharing everything with everyone without consent.

Because we are a private school and Betty hates it. No im not aware the boys go to scouts. Also girls were also suspended

I have a child with SEN it’s likely I will have to have contact with this safeguarding lead. How do I know she’s not discussing him with Betty at scouts. Susan and Betty run scouts together.

i was so so angry as the school handled it as they thought they should - Betty knew about it before any of us did, no parents were told of the suspensions. Tbh we don’t gossip or have time.

Susan is safeguarding lead at our school and also a scouts leader - she is gossiping/defaming the school to another scout leader who is a parent at another school who is telling people. She is saying what’s happened in our year when we as parents did not know this.

If I tell the school. Will the school tell Susan they heard it from me?

Does it matter? I’d not be worried about Susan being pissed off with me when she’s clearly out of order.

No I'm, they shouldn't. But I would still make it clear that you don't want to be identified.

Email the head, keep it factual but let her/him know how extensive knowledge of the incident has been shared. Safeguarding should be strictly on a need to know basis only. Normally parents, kids, teachers do not have the right to know the exploratory steps or outcome of safeguarding issues. However I have observed some terribly unprofessional safeguarding in small village primary schools due to inadequate safeguarding training and chips on shoulders - for example a school governor setting up a WhatsApp group for multiple parents to bitch about two or three kids.

In theory, no. But this might be the sort of place where people are loose lipped, in which case, yes.

Be prepared for them to close ranks and for you to be identified as the problem.

Maybe also consider choosing your friends / gossip pals more wisely.

I am confused.If Betty is a parent at a different school and the bullies dont go to scouts , how does she know the bully kids?
I want to come back to the point that protection of children always trumps confidentiality, So if for example the bullies on the school residential for arguments sake took photos of the victim in a state of undress, it would be absolutely appropriate to share it with the scout group if the kids were members incase they did it at scout camp.

She doesn’t she’s just gossiping. It’s poor form of Betty. If the school closes ranks then I don’t want my kids affected so I don’t think I’ll say anything. The incident happened at the beginning of July. If I need to be in contact with Susan I may mention it then. As we are the local private school I guess people love to hear when things go belly up.

I did not choose to hear this from Betty she told me. Im not a gossip especially about children.

A lot of parents will be judgmental of Betty and the safeguarding lead. Kids will always be kids but adults in roles of responsibility should adhere to policies and procedures.

Neither of these women should be in positions where they are privy to confidential information. You should report them to both the school and to the scouting association. They are a risk to the reputation of the school and scouting and I would not trust them to make sound judgements to keep my child safe.

I would hope that Susan would no longer be the safeguarding lead, after I reported her behaviour to the headteacher, so I wouldn't be worried about coming into contact with her in the future.

I spoke to my FIL who used to be a Governor at a school he said it would be seen as third hand BUT Betty told em and Susan told Betty?

I should say it all came to me via whatsapp I forgot that but just looked through my messages and it’s all written by Betty to me telling me Susan told her. Cos they run Scouts together.

Absolutely report. Had very similar with a safeguarding lead at our senior school and governors took it very seriously.

I think, as it's a private school, the head will take it pretty seriously. Not necessarily on safeguarding grounds but because it makes the school look bad and, with VAT putting pressure on numbers, a bad reputation isn't something any private school can afford.

I don't think I could bring myself to report but I agree it's not a great way to behave. I think I'd email Susan, as a parent, and say that you are now in possession of the full details of a school incident due to her talking about it out of school. Let here see for herself what the consequences can be and learn to be more discreet in future.

not sure I can email Susan direct that’s almost like blackmail

It's not blackmail if you're not threatening anything:

Eg
Dear Mrs Susan,
I just thought I should make you aware that I have been told the full details of the incident that happened on the school residential last term. These details did not come from school staff or even parents but from adults connected to scouting. Obviously there has been some kind of unprofessional sharing of confidential information which makes me very uncomfortable as a parent of the school. I hope that, as DSL, you will be able to act on this to ensure that our children's confidential information is safe in future.

is not blackmail

Whereas
Dear Mrs Susan,
I know you told Betty all the details of what happened on the residential because she told me. How dare you share confidential information like that. You'd better make sure my child has the best year or I'm going to tell Ms/Mr Headteacher and get you sacked.

is blackmail

Thanks. I’m kind of afraid to get involved but the overall consensus is that Susan should not have been telling Betty any of this.