How do you not lose yourself when dealing with Partners depression?

[Waffledog25]

Basically what the title says. I feel like I am drowning and everything is on me. To waking him up after his alarm has gone off to reminding/asking/telling him to do stuff for our kids. Simple stuff such as making them tea or breakfast or giving them drinks. Feeding the dog. Taking a bag for a change of clothes when we go out incase of accidents and snacks, even messaging his mum so she can visit. I plan everything, the he gets annoyed when I say he’s not involved and that it’s the depression that means he can’t do it. If we take the kids out, it’s on me with him tagging along. He did say the depression isn’t my fault but I feel like such a horrible person cos I get snappy and sarcastic and loosing empathy.
Am I being unreasonable?

If he is aware that his depression means he can't do anything in the home/with your children, then he should be offering to finance help and support to cover his share of family duties and responsibilities. Even a cleaner once a week and a Hello Fresh delivery for a few dinners could really help to take the pressure off of you, it's not right that you are having to do everything.

The problem with this is that often the depressed partner can't work so there is a shortage of money. Its really, really hard OP. I am in the same position. I wanted to leave but have been dragged back in. I don't know the answer really. If I could have my time again, Id make sure he was taking his meds and make him register for talking therapies etc. Then set boundaries-Do what you have to to make your life and your children's life bearable. If you want him to do something tell him he has to do it. Hope he gets better but if he doesn't and doesn't engage in treatment don't throw your life and your children's life away for this.

If you don't want to leave him, and he can't or won't do anymore, then your only option is to lower your expectations to rock bottom and live around him. So rather than get disappointed and frustrated at what he doesn't do, accept it and understand you'll be doing it yourself. It takes a big shift in outlook, but it does bring a kind of peace with it. At the same time, try to build as much of a life for yourself away from him as you can. See friends and family and spend time away from under the cloud. All this also prepares you for life alone if you do eventually decide to leave.