Neighbours son threw football as DC 11 months

[drivemecrazy0]

I am very friendly with my NDN, we usually have a chat outside when the kids are in bed, have drinks in gardens, are friends on social media etc.

She has been great in terms of offering advice to my DS and is quite helpful.

Anyway sometimes I allow her DS who is 8 to come over and play with my son along side another neighbours son (also 8).

Things were fine until a football was thrown at my son over the weekend on purpose.

I shouted at him “Why did you do that for?” I was livid.

My neighbour came out and dragged him inside.

Since then we haven’t really spoken apart from a “hello”.

Was I being unreasonable to shout at him?
Later on in the day I heard him laughing about it to one is his friends.
I have not received an apology either.

This is my first home and I just wanted to be friendly and get along with everyone.

It was a natural reaction OP because your baby was put in danger.
If that's all you said to him then you were very restrained.
Do you think your neighbour knows what actually happened?If she didn't see it herself no doubt her son will have not given her a truthful account of what happened. If he was laughing about it with his friends it doesn't sound as though he has been talked to about the possible serious consequences of his action.
Perhaps you should have a word with your neighbour about what really happened.

I'd talk to the neighbour about it.

I once had to talk to a neighbour whose property backed onto ours. He was a young teen and threw some stuff over the fence at my son, that hit him on the head. Of course the kid denied all knowledge but I made it clear that if it happened one more time, the police would be the next stop. Not a single more thing came over that fence.

I'm not saying go that far but sometimes you have to take a stand. Start gentle though.

All I can say is invite her over for a wine or cuppa and have a chat
She may be mortified that her kid threw the ball, she might not know what to say or she may be a cow and be cross at you. Your not going to know unless you address it

Why are you having 8 year olds over to play with a baby?

This.
Weird.

Of course it's not weird you miserable gits!

Tak to her OP. She'll be feeling defensive. Don't let it fester and ruin a good relationship.

It is weird.
They are 8, she has a baby - what 'play' is she expecting ?

of course it’s bladdy weird - why on earth is an 8 year old playing with a baby?

Well it is very odd.

It's unusual for 8 year olds to want to play with a baby but not unheard of. Some children like babies and that includes some boys. As long as the 3 children are supervised by an adult, it's fine

Op, as you are friends, her initial reaction was probably a mixture of protective Mama Bear (just as your reaction was when you shouted at her son). Once she had cooled down, there was probably embarrassment at her son's behaviour.

I'd try inviting her round for coffee or a glass of wine.

If she accepts the invitation, say that you want to clear the air. Try and have a situation where you both explain how the incident made you feel, listen to each other, don't expect an apology from each other.

Then, assuming that you would like to get back to being friends, try to put the incident behind you.

When you’ve calmed down, speak to her and clear the air, you need to de-escalate this because you need to live in peace with the neighbour who helps you. But I wouldn’t be inviting the boy to play anymore

Do you have older kids as well? I’m confused about inviting 2 8 year old boys to ‘play’ with a baby less than a year old-
it’s not that interactive .

What everyone said

Odd to expect two 8 year olds to 'play' with your son, who isn't even a year old.

Then you're annoyed because he gets hurt??!

Come on

'Come on'

Nailed it.

He’s an 8 year old! What kind of relationship did you expect. If your trying to get on with people then you invite the mum round and your both there watching the kids and can chat etc, you don’t invite 8 year olds to play with a baby that’s crazy……. When your baby turns 8 remember this and you will realise how ridiculous this is

Do you have an older child or are the 8 year olds playing with your baby? What does this look like?

Of course I was an 8 yo girl but I lived in a very friendly neighbourhood and remember how I enjoyed playing with neighbours’ babies. To a limited extent, of course.
At that age you’re old enough to watch them for a few minutes while their SAHP nips to the loo and you can play with them in the kitchen or back garden while she cooks, etc

Why can’t an 8 yo boy do the same?

if you want a babysitter, pay a 14yo onwards. What do you bring an 8 yo in there for?

Poor kid, then he gets in trouble for playing with the ball anyway.

I’m sure OP means playing with her OLDER son. Not the baby.

I read this as the OP has an 8 year old and an 11 month old so the 8 yo NDN comes over the play with her 8 yo DS. I mean I could be wrong.

Either way, sounds like a storm in a tea cup. NDN is embarrassed that her DS threw a ball at the baby. Just knock on her door and clear the air if you are missing her company.

None of you would be saying this is "weird" if the DS was a DD.

and you know "all of us" how exactly?