Another baby or a puppy?! Can a pet ever replace that potential extra child?

[Nona1234]

We have two young children and have been contemplating a third on and off for a few months. I'm approaching 40 and it feels like a now or never type thing, especially if we don't want a large age gap.

I know this has been done to death on this forum (!) but I'm interested in hearing opinions from people who went for that third baby and those who decided not to. Our lives are finally becoming easier and we're extremely lucky that our two kids are healthy - not a given with our family history. Is it worth another roll of the genetic dice or should we call it quits and I pour my extra maternal feelings into a puppy?!

A third child would mean an upheaval for us as we may need to move house and get a new car. Financially it would be tight but doable. I can't shake the feeling that someone is missing but would that be filled with a pet? That's the AIBU really. Pets are easier than children - emotionally and financially - but can they ever temper that feeling of wanting another child?

Thoughts on a postcard please!

Our lives are finally becoming easier and we're extremely lucky that our two kids are healthy - not a given with our family history.

To my mind this would be the key factor in deciding not to have another child.
Whether you go down the route of having a pet or not if there is a real chance of a baby being born with life limiting health issues then I would not take the risk.

I got a cat last year, maybe partly for the same reason 🙈 he is lovely and I love him to bits. However newly pregnant with #3 and mostly excited with some apprehension 😂

I have three kids and it's perfect for me and my family. Personally at 40 I wouldn't have another, but again that's my own preference. You say your lives have become easier, which is a good thing that I would be cautious of giving up. How old are your kids? Because you have to factor in how busy the school years are, then the stress of parenting teenagers, not just the cute young years!

I would never get a pet with two young kids so much hassle and extra work!

I don't really recommend it unless you are 100% positive that you won't have the 3rd child
We got a cat, then a dog, then had the 3rd child anyways.😂

Regardless of what you decide about a third child, I think it would be a mistake to think of getting a dog in terms of a substitute focus for maternal feelings.

It wouldn't be in the dog's best interests, and in any case your actual maternal feelings for your existing children are bound to be enraged from time to time by the pressures that a puppy (and even an adult dog) will put on your time and mental resources when you are trying to meet the needs of the children.

So you need to be able to see the dog as offering a different sort of positive presence in your home. For example, you need to feel confident that you will enjoy the training, exercising and problem solving involved.

If your family genetic history is really so problematic, I would focus on prioritising the welfare of your existing children. Better for you to grieve a child you didn’t have than for their lives to be negatively impacted by sibling with additional needs which stress the family.

On one side, several sensible reasons not to have a third. On the other hand, "I want one." Seems like a no brainer to me.

I think it depends on so many factors:

Do you have childcare and help? For example someone with two sets of willing grandparents to have three children to stay, is a very different situation to someone with no help or village.

How do you feel about organisation/chaos? Would you prefer a tidy home with everything in its place or a busier, potentially more chaotic home? I know you can have three children and it be completely organised but there will be more stuff to organise etc.

Do you work, do you feel stretched thin now or like you could make it work with another?

how were your previous pregnancies, birth, health generally? For example if I knew I was really ill in pregnancy and needed a lot of support with childcare it’s a consideration.

do you comfortably have the finances?

Is there a reason you feel three is the right number? I’m one of three and my husband is too so I think it feels right for us somehow - but in a way that is hard to explain rationally.

If you can make it work go for it!

I think if you are a bit on the fence about a third child the answer is don’t do it.

Why not both ?

I think your question is wrong. It's not baby or puppy. It's two questions:

1. do you want a baby
2. do you want a puppy

There are not interchangeable or mutually exclusive.

All that said, a dog can give you some of the things you might want from a young child - cuddles, adoration, company.

We are on the "no" side of the same question. I WISH we had done it 5 years ago, but with our ages, the age of our kids etc it's just not practicable I don't think (I can't quite rule it out though, even now!). But I really regret we didn't do it earlier, I would have loved to have had 3.

I don't understand the craze for having 3 children. I am one of three and I absolutely hated. Vowed if I have children I would never have 3.

Why can people not be content with 2?

Or neither?

Yes .. fair comment ..

but if your house is filled with love I’m sure there’ll be enough to go round

Op to be honest if you’re even asking this question I would say neither- I’d say work on living life as opposed to reaching for more. Spend time with your two kids, get outside, go places, take up a hobby etc. I think after two if you’re asking then it’s more of a no. And nobody should get a pet unless they’re are a thousand percent excited and thinking about it (from someone with children who loves but completely regrets the dog- I sometimes spend more time with him than I do the kids and we’ve lost a lot of freedom)

I had a puppy to curb my broodiness, I ended up having a baby a year later. So for me it didn't work because it was a baby I wanted (I wanted the puppy too but it wasn't the same as a child)

We got a puppy, and then went for 3rd child anyway 2 years later :-)

A puppy is NOT a replacement for a baby. They are very hard work, in some ways even harder than children (depending on how you look at it) you can’t get a dog and treat it like a baby, it’s not a good idea. A dog is a massive commitment and you should only get one because you want a dog. Not to replace a third child.

I have one child so I’m probably not the best person to give an opinion as I only wanted one and I’m still very glad I stopped at one. I also have a puppy. My child is older now though - puppies and children don’t always mix well unless you’re extremely vigilant and depending on breed etc.

If I were in your shoes, not only would I not have another child, I also wouldn’t get a dog until your existing children are primary school age and you’ve done some extensive research. If you’re expecting a puppy to be a like a baby, you’ll be in for a shock.

Pets are easier than children - emotionally and financially - but can they ever temper that feeling of wanting another child?

Yabu to think this.

Raising kids is a barrel of laughs compared to raising a puppy. Given the choice, I'd raise fifty puppies over another child.

Dogs never grow up, they never gain independence, you really cannot leave puppies for longer than a few minutes until they are several months old, they can cost an absolute fortune - some surgeries cost £10K these days - they need two good walks a day etc.

My eldest dog costs 'more' a month than either of my DDs do.

If you decide to stop at two, you should pour your maternal feelings into the two DC you have already. They will need them for the best part of two decades, so they won't go to waste. Get a puppy if you want to be a dog owner. There is far too little in common between pet ownership and parenting for one to substitute for the other.

Also to add, don’t underestimate the financial side of having a dog. They are bloody expensive. Decent pet insurance, food, vets bills that can run in to the thousands. It’s a MASSIVE decision to take on a puppy - it’s not as simple as “instead of a third child”

3 kids here and I def underestimated costs
Holidays alone are a pain as trying to get a room for 5 is a nightmare
Then there's balancing different hobbies and friends

Id go for the dog

When DD was 9 her dad and I got a cat partly to see off the mice but also as a friend for DD who was definitely an only child by then. Having DD was not a positive experience and I decided I couldn't go through it again. The only drawback now is when DCat dies, (she's 9 now) and that will be devastating for DD.

Agree.