To think my dad shouldn't leg it so early when he comes to visit?

[flack]

My dad lives far away and we only see him when he comes to visit about every 18 months. He's my only close relative.
Dad always changes his mind & leaves one or 2 days early than he originalloy said he would, to see other friends or go sight-seeing.

I know I should go visit him more often, but he's retired and has more flexible time. I have four children under 9, including little baby, and the 15+ hour trip to see him stresses me out hugely (especially with jetlag thrown in).

AIBU to feel a bit put out about how my dad always leaves early? Do you do lots to keep your parents entertained when they come visit, or would your parents be glad to just have a few little outings and otherwise visit at your home with their rarely-seen grand-dcs?

Perhaps he'd like to stay longer, but at his age gets a little stressed out with busy family life?

My parents don't live that far away but whenever my dad comes round, he's always itching to leave! Even on Christmas Day!!
I've just learnt to expect & live with it, I don't take it personally - he's just a creature of habit & likes his own chair!

My dad feels the strain of it as well, just something i have come to live with. It's not that he doesn't want to spend time with the children, just that he is a) getting on in age and b) used to his own peace and quiet. Probably better that your dad does actually leave when he feels he nees to then it builds into something else?! I don't think you should take it as a reflection on you or your family.

No, he's not stressed the way I think you mean (except when they fuss loudly). He definitely wanders off out of boredom. Even when he's in town he spends only maximum... 6? hours of the waking day with us, rest is going out to meals, exploring shops, visiting medieval streets & manor homes, etc. -- he'd be happy if we came along for all that, but I cant always do it because they arent easy environments with little kids.
Or he'd be glad to stay up in the evenings playing cards & watching telly, but I am shattered & need to go to bed when dc do.

DC get more tired than my dad does!

Well, 6 hours with children, maybe he does get a bit bored. I don't think that's terrible. He is still interested enough to come and visit you.

I think it's a very positive thing that he wants to stay up and chat with you/play cards etc after the kids have gone to bed.
It shows he's still got an interest in you. I found my mother lost interest after the kids have gone to bed.

after the kids went to bed

I don't think 6 hours a day is unreasonable either. Could it also be that he feels you are not interested? If you and the kids don't go out exploring with him, and you go to bed early (I can understand your point on both, but if he is only with you once every 18 months or so it might be worth putting this into context) that he actually feels that you don't really want him around and leaves because of that?

Just trying to look at things from a different perspective.

6 hours was the max.. 3-4 would be more typical. Over 5-6 days (always 1-2 days less than he originally said it would be). It's just the way he cuts the visit short that upsets me, I can understand Dad wanting breaks in the day away from everybody. Maybe I should just come to always expect the visits being truncated, then I can't be disappointed.
I'm so tired at night partly because I have had to work so hard to keep the dc safe and well-behaved on outings with dad(!)
I guess I wouldnt travel so far to see someone so little of the time there.

Hi flack,

I have been pondering this all day, and the best thing I can suggest is that you talk to him about it.

Either when he is over (preferable, but if it is going to be a while you don't want to be stewing over it for months) or on the phone/skype? Try to put it so that it doesn't come across as accusatory or judgmental, but simply that it causes you concern and you would like to understand what happens. Not the easiest thing to do, but at least it will let you know the truth.