Hi,
Oh the awful feelings of going back to being at school again!
I started a new job at the start of the year - my dream job, got it after a huge amount of people interviewed so really couldn’t have been happier. I’ve always got on well with everyone, done favours for them and offered to help with work. I constantly get told how much I’m flying, how happy they are with me and how I’ve barely needed any training. I’m taking on a lot of responsibility already and genuinely loved it.
A month after me, they had spare funding to temporarily take someone else so took on someone a lot younger with no previous experience. Initially I did feel a bit deflated about this - I had some very irrational thoughts that someone else would take away things that could be my learning experiences, but kept this to myself.
Despite that, when they started, I did everything to make them welcome, took them out with me and showed them things that had helped me because my previous experience transferred over really nicely, although happily acknowledged things I didn’t know.
We’re a very small team based with a separate but much bigger team who do a completely different role. This colleague is still very unsure on things, won’t make any decisions even down to what to email back to someone, doesn’t like conflict or driving which can be a huge part of the role and admittedly doesn’t volunteer to take on work in their own name because they don’t feel they can do it. I’ve always been there to listen to them and offer advice/help and thought we were getting on great.
Recently, seemingly out of nowhere, I’ve started feeling excluded between this colleague and a girl who was already working in the role. I don’t know where it came from as the existing colleague wasn’t keen on her for a good while. A couple of our team never come into the office so often it’s the 3 of us. They sit and talk constantly about topics I can’t join in on like TV shows ones watched that the other is on with, photos or conversations that have happened outside of work, even getting up from the desk to go and show each other their phone.
They giggle on or talk about immature or unprofessional topics, often brought up by the younger colleague (other one is the same age as me) or make hand gestures to each other over the desk or make a ‘thing’ over certain words as if there’s an in joke. Before this, the existing colleague and I were getting on well and going out together on visits for our role.
They just talk over me as if I’m not there (literally based on where we sit). Even when I try to join in, the existing colleague will often talk between the newer one and someone else, who I sit between, and just talk over me, not even making eye contact. They constantly arrange work visits together and never ask me instead, even talking over me to arrange visits or things won’t be mentioned and just ‘appear’ in their calendars. Recently they started telling me how the other was scared about the other ones driving, then tailed it off into in jokes about that time and arranging another visit together.
Even though I am doing okay, I still would like more visits for the experience and feel I’m missing out on that and my hopes to have good friends at work. My manager is aware and has said how I feel is valid, that people shouldn’t stick to one person to go on visits with and they can subtly start to direct things. I just feel so dejected as my dream job is now making me miserable and feeling anxious. I recently noticed there’s a big panel meeting work wanted us all to go to, coming up. The newest colleague has arranged with the existing one to go together, but I haven’t been invited or it even mentioned to me.
Please help me stop feeling like a pathetic 16 year old! I have tried so hard to get on with everyone and integrate well but now I’m lost in an anxious head space of feeling something is wrong with me or I’ve done something.