To feel so stressed about ds starting primary school in a couple of weeks

[schoolstressesinaugust]

I feel like I want to have done the best by him and feel like I’ve failed. He doesn’t recognise numbers or letters, can’t write his name or recognise it eg on a peg. He isn’t 100% with toileting; won’t always say he needs to go.

Hopefully it isn’t just us, but I feel like I should have done so much more with him.

He will be fine! Try not to stress. I’d work on the toileting over the next few weeks but in terms of academic work let the school assess and then you can see where the gaps are.

Don't worry about numbers or letters...I don't think my DC recognised them when they started school...they won't be the only ones.

I'd spend the next couple of weeks working on the toileting though.

Yanbu but might get some unkind comments re toilet training

If it helps, op, I've been so proud to finally have my autistic dd(6) toilet trained. Today she pulled down her jeans and did a huge, non ending, wee wee in a sand pit 😭😭

Then screamed as I dragged her home 🙈🙈🙈

How i will ever show my face there again, i dont know!!

Youre doing fine and the school will understand. And seeing other children ask for the toilet will likely motivate him xx

A lot of kids behave very differently in a school environment to a home one. The routine and the wanting to join in with peers can be useful motivators with toileting.

Don't stress about letters and numbers. Loads don't know them. Do simple counting games, lets count your blueberries, here are four biscuits lets share them out between you and your sister, games with dice etc count the spots. Play eye spy to listen for the sounds at the start of words, watch alphablocks and number blocks on tv.

I would focus as much as possible on toileting or think about getting a Wobl watch (school should allow this) that vibrates to remind them to go - set for break and lunch to build habits of going then.

Did he go to nursery? If so then he probably knows more than you think, they do a lot of prep in the year before they start school.

Also - remember lots of reception kids have an odd wetting accident. If its s full puddle happening several times a day l totally unprompted thats a bigger worry, if its that hes leaving it late and ending up with a wet patch this is sooo common and is why primary classrooms stink of wee.

Honestly he will be fine. I work in reception and what you’re describing is quite normal.

Make sure you send a couple of changes of clothes with him just incase the staff need to help him change. If it’s anything like where I am we spend the first few weeks encouraging all children to go regularly anyway but mention it to the staff and they will remind him I’m sure.

The rest they will work in and you can support from home. I would suggest putting a keyring or something on his book bag so he knows it’s his.

Is he safe and secure and feels loved? Then you've done just fine.

When my son was in reception the teachers had two set times per day when they all got told to go to the toilet. I think either before or after breaktime and lunchtime.
I also think my son recognised his name before starting school and could count and recognise numbers but not much more than that. (I actually taught him ABC before school and then he had to learn a different sound for every letter because I didn't know about bloody phonics.)

Don't stress, just let the teacher know he might need reminding to go to the toilet and they might have a system in place to remind all children twice a day anyway.

Please don't worry. Ideally he will be toilet trained and if not, please supply spare trousers and pants. Please provide spare socks too as these get wet during toilet accidents and we never have enough spares. If he can dress and undress himself for PE and for toilet accidents, all the better. The rest will come quickly. They'll get into a routine which helps.

Thanks so much. The toileting is so much better - he knows what to do, he’s just a bit lazy about going and puts it off until he can’t wait. At home I can be a bit firmer about it and insist but I can’t imagine they’ll do that at school.

I feel so bad as while I had nine months maternity leave with him I then had to go to work full time until he was 19 months. I managed to go part time then but just before his second birthday I got pregnant and so pregnancy sort of dominated 2-3 and a baby 3-4 and now I also have a toddler to deal with! I wish I’d been able to have more one on one time with him and feel bad his little sister will.

I think my youngest treated me like a mug - I went into speak to the reception teacher in the first few weeks because I couldn't get her to write her name, she didn't know her numbers, couldn't remember any letters and I was concerned she was already starting massively behind. Teacher shows me her work, she could do it all, she just didn't want to do anything at home.

I'm sure he'll be fine and will have a great time at school!

I knew the school timetable so, a few weeks before, I gave dd morning tea at recess time and also a trip to the toilet. And she had to sit quietly with the food she could expect me to send in with her. And then we did it at lunch time. Food, drink and toilet. And then we did it again at coming home time.

I did it every day for about two weeks, after we got home from holiday. I think it worked well.

She couldn’t read or write - I hadn’t been fussed about pushing her but she could probably count to five. I was religious about reading aloud to her a lot, though.

What’s important now is that you support him in school. Everyone will be at different levels when they start, some will be able to read already, some just starting to know letter sounds, it’s the aim to get everyone to a good level by the end of reception and they’re not expecting them all to be able to do everything already. Make sure you spend one on one time with him every day doing his reading book that he’ll bring home and phonics practice. Listen to the teachers parents evening and go to the meetings where they tell you the curriculum and ideas for home learning.

He’ll likely have an accident at school and then realise it’s not worth the bother of ignoring it.

You don’t need to worry about letters and numbers, but you should spend the last couple of weeks making sure he can manage his own belongings and dress/ undress himself as much as possible. Personal independent skills are more important for starting school than thing they will teach in reception anyway.

My middle boy refused to even pick up a pencil until Easter of reception year. He's well on track for a bunch of 7's and 8's at GCSE next year - the school will have seen all sorts and will know how to get him learning.

Don’t stress about the letters and numbers. DS had no interest before starting school, his now doing very well in a super selective grammar school.

Nurseries should have helped your son with this, but so should you. I’m not going to lie but the teachers aren’t going to be happy unless your child has special needs. Teachers don’t have time to tidy up after messes, they’re supposed to teach. I think lots of people want you to feel better but I’m not a sugar coating type of person. You have 2 weeks- use them wisely…

Primary School staff here, it’s natural to worry! It’s a huge step ☺️ Honestly, the biggest thing you can do to prepare your child for school is to teach a little independence. Can they put their jacket on, pack their bag (perhaps a water bottle and book etc) and LABEL THEIR CLOTHES 😬 we have a pile of jumpers already and the term has just started here. There is staff on hand to help all day. It’s a daunting thought but within a few weeks they pick up a routine. As for the toilet, it is normal for accidents to happen! Kids forget or leave it too late. We are happy to help them with a wee change of clothes and encouragement. Please don’t worry about phonics/numbers and name ( we have pictures alongside their name on a peg so they will know their picture) just now. The emphasis is on getting to know each child and getting each child to know their peers, the school environment and the staff. Learning to read and write is done very gently to begin with through play and mark making, colouring etc. when your child does have sounds to learn at home, encourage and ask questions…that is the the best help and support we can ask for. I hope he has a great first day😊 Go easy on yourself, everything will be fine 💐

They haven’t started school yet, why would they know letters, numbers, phonics, anything they learnt in nursery great, but school will teach them all this, that’s what school is for. My youngest gets couldn’t read or write before school, she’s just finished year 2, is a free reader and loves writing for fun.

as other have said, putting shoes on the right feet, putting their clothes and coats on independently, those are the skills they want to be focusing on now to make teachers life easier.

He will be fine.
Our school each child has a picture next to their name. This is on their peg, drawer, table

Calm down. If he can feed himself, do some toileting, answer simple questions, play with others ,play by himself, then you have done loads with him. You will be amazed at the speed he changes when at school. Keep positive , don't compare to others or stories about others. Do I suspect he is young in his school year too? If so change should be even more noticeable across his reception year. Don't panic, enjoy.

The staff will remind him , the children will all go to the toilet regularly.

Send him to the toilet regularly, set an alarm , every hour.

You can teach him 1 to 10 in a day easy.

Don't worry about letters , phonics etc.Practice putting on shoes and coat.

He will settle in quickly and a month from now you wont be worried at all.

My kids knew jack shit when they started school. I couldn’t quite believe my ears when dickheads at the nursery gates were talking about writing letters and counting. My kids had just trundled around for 3 years watching CBeebies!

As it was, by the time they got going, my kids were all high flyers and are now high achieving adults. The letters, numbers and toileting will come. Don’t worry. 💐