To think I’m having a mid life crisis?

[Goddessoftheearth]

I’m 50 next year and I’m finding life really tough at the moment. I’m already on HRT due to hysterectomy 4 years ago so can’t really blame menopause, but I feel really flat, lacking drive and that I’m ‘old’. I’m struggling with family relationships and falling out with people, although part of this is having been a huge people pleaser for many years, I have virtually no tolerance of bullsh*t now.

I’m overweight by a couple of stone for my height, although I dog walk twice a day for 40 minutes to an hour a time - I think my weight is one of the reasons I feel rubbish. To lose weight I have to go down to 1200 calories a day, which then makes me grumpy and miserable, so then life is even harder. My 13 year old DS is a typical teenager but I feel sad he’s growing up and is no longer my little boy (yes I know, it’s what they do! Doesn’t make it not sad though) - he still needs me to run him about, feed him etc, but he’s very self contained emotionally these days. I’m self employed and my work is ok but I’m not excited about it or feeling driven to push myself further - I don’t earn a huge amount but it’s enough to do little things. I’ve also noticed I’m so cautious in terms of risk these days - at a historic site of interest in the south of France recently, walking up and down uneven stone steps in flip-flops was terrifying - in the past it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to have just scrambled up and down.

I just feel generally as though life is passing me by and it shouldn’t be - other than needing to lose weight, I’m a healthy and physically capable. I have a wonderful DH who I love dearly, my family are close by although DSF has Alzheimer’s and DM is not coping at all well (we are trying to get her extra support but she isn’t being proactive in actually putting it into place). We have a lovely home, some good friends and a really nice life.

AIBU for feeling middle aged and past it? Has anyone else been here and found a way of kickstarting themselves to make the most of what’s left?!? I’m sure I have opened myself up here to plenty of people telling me to get a grip and be grateful but if you have some genuinely helpful advice I’d be very grateful to hear it!

Go down to 1,500 calories a day. The weight loss may be slower, but you would be less miserable. Once the scales start moving you may find it easier to dop a little more.
I dropped 4 stone by logging and tracking everything on my Fitness pal, (post surgical menopause, hit my weight loss target age 50/51).

Give up alcohol. Honestly, in terms of mood it has been life changing.

Mobility exercises -check out TikTok, there are lots of very helpful people on there. The realisation that I couldn’t race up steps, walk in fitflops safely etc made me feel past it and insecure. My balance and mobility has improved no end and I move like I’m 10 years younger. Walking really isn’t enough, but 15 mins mobility 3 x a week has been a huge help.

Magnesium L threonate.

Some fab skincare products that helped me get my glow back (along with the weight loss). Retinol, peptides, azelaic acid and a good moisturiser.

I did have to eventually reach a level of acceptance that DC no longer need me and I’m just there to provide the occasional meal/lift. It means they are confident and secure and you’ve done a good job 👏🏻

The Alzheimer’s of DF was a struggle but he’s now being safely cared for in a home. It’s not what he would have wanted but he is safe, clean, fed and cared for and that’s best for him, and us. It’s a terrible disease.

I think it’s probably normal for all of us to feel like that sometimes, I would try fasting to lose weight so skip breakfast and just eat a light lunch and normal dinner.

I do 5-10 minutes of Pilates a day which I find helpful.

Recently I’ve been doing a very brief journal on my phone in the evenings when I feel like it (no more than a paragraph or two) just to jot down how I feel or what’s going on.

50 isn’t past it at all, but it can be tricky to change a mindset.

Thank you @Betsy95 and @LearnSomeSocialSkills - these are exactly the helpful pointers I was hoping for. Thank you for taking time to answer ❤

Could you commit to a pilates class?
I was feeling the same and on a whim signed up to a reformer class twice a week. I honestly feel like a different person! Could see my body change after a few lessons. It made me feel so positive and motivated, and the brain fog lifted