Woman I know bought house nextdoor

[Rory1357]

Hi!
I’ve got something on my mind and I’m wondering how to handle this situation.
A few years ago, I met a woman about my age in my inlaws'street. She has a son - like me- who is 1yr younger. We started chatting and she proposed to meet up some time. Which we did a few times.
Some background info, I'm quite the introvert and she's very social/loud.
So after having met up with her 2 times I didn't follow up, as I felt rather drained after having spent time with her.
Fast forward 2yrs and she texted me out of the blue saying that she got a divorce and bought a house 2doors down our street.
Add. info. We live in a neighbourhood with a big playground in the center (her kid is 4) and kindergarten/school is just down the road.
I might be overreacting, but I start to feel quite anxious about running into her everywhere and having to engage bc of our kids.
I expressed my feelings to my hb but he just laughed them off saying she's a nice person and that he thinks it's gonna be great having her as a neighbour.
I feel rather stressed out about all this - don’t really know how to lighten up this situation. Any thoughts?
Have a wonderful day

I would feel exactly the same as you OP.

My personal instinct would be to try and organise my life to avoid this woman as much as possible. This isn't a criticism of her but some personality types are very very difficult for introverted people to deal with and can make life miserable.

I understand realistically you cant spend your life trying to avoid her so you will just need to be polite when you do run into her but don't get involved. And don't let her bulldoze you into social interaction you don't want -have other things you need to do on tap to excuse yourself from her company.

Are there lots of other people with young children in your street? Given the proximity of the playground and school it sounds likely.

If so, maybe you are worrying unnecessarily. If she is as sociable as you say she will probably soon make friends with all the other parents of young children on your street as well so it will take the pressure off you a bit.

So?

You can’t police where people buy houses. I very much doubt she’s moved there because of you, she’s moved there because the house suits and she will just be getting on with her life. Just get on with yours, you’re not obligated to socialise with her if you don’t want to.

She'll probably make friends with other people in your street who are more outgoing and more like she is, so I wouldn't worry about that. There will be plenty of opportunities for her to meet like-minded mums where you are and she'll have less time for you. She sounds nice, if a bit full on, but it takes all sorts to make a world.

Your kids likely won't be in the same school year and no doubt she'll make loads of school mum friends so won't bother you much.

She hasn't been in touch for over 2 years, so it's unlikely she's going to try and smother you with invitations to socialise.

If your children are a year apart then you probably won't see much of her at school, and given the amount of time that's passed I assume she will have made friendships with other parents. There's really no reason to be anxious and stressed about her moving into the area.

If shes not been in touch for two years. Its highly unlikely shes going to smoother you socially.

Extroverts will make friends easily. She won't be relying on you for friendship. But to avoid misunderstanding, if she starts dropping round and texting all the time, or suggesting meet ups and playdates etc, I'd tell her up front - 'I'm an introvert. I like a quiet life, so if I don't seem keen on regular meet ups and messaging, that's why.' That way she won't waste energy trying to draw you out when you have no desire to be drawn!

I agree with this. I think you are worrying about things that havent actually happened yet. Understandable as anxiety can cause us to catastrophize but this woman sound like she'll make lots of friends and wont be hassling you. As this poster suggests just explain to her politely and calmly that you are a natural introvert and spend a lot of time on your own which is your preference.

It's ok to just be politely honest about yourself, so if she does ask to socialise a lot just say something like 'I tend to keep things quiet because otherwise I get worn out, so I'm not socialising much to be honest.'

You can just wave and smile if you see her, you don't have to get into long conversations.

You're ok, if she's outgoing hopefully she will soon meet other people.

Before you decide you want to plan how to avoid her, think hard about how you might feel if she ends up at your sons school and makes lots of mum friends, has them over etc.

Basically, if you try to distance yourself now, at a point when she wants friends, fine, but you cant really then get upset and say you feel excluded In a few years time if her being extroverted leads to her (and her son).having lots of friends that you wish you were part of.

YABU. A woman you met a few times years ago has moved onto your street. She’s probably thought “Ooh, doesn’t Rory live on that road? I’ll drop her a message saying hello”. It’s perfectly normal.

I’m also an introvert so understand the anxiety. However objectively she’s probably just being polite. Either she doesn’t want it to be weird when you bump in to each other, as there was an early connection which didn’t blossom, or she’s not worried about that at all, and just thinks it’s nice/polite to let you know she’s moving in. If you are not an introvert/overthinker all of that is in the realms of completey normal.

I sort of feel sorry for the woman. She sounds nice and she sounds like she thinks you are nice too. I’d be gutted if I messaged someone to express pleasure that we would be neighbours and they started actively plotting how to avoid me!

the woman has been through a divorce. Couldn’t you actually take some time to get to know her? Some people mask nerves by getting more OTT. She might calm down as she gets to know you (I’m like this. My closest friends see the real me which is actually a lot more chilled than the outgoing chatty person that a lot of people see when I’m socialising)

Surely her decision to buy a house wasn't based on you so I think your over thinking it, just be polite when you do see her.

I might be buying a house in between 2 people I know not because of them but because that house is right for me and my family and is in my price range!

I think you are being harsh on the OP.

I'm Autistic and suffer extreme social anxiety so actually a lot of social situations and personality types are totally overwhelming. It's not about being " not nice". It's about difficulty coping with certain situations.

You are expressing a common misconception about introverts and Autistic people: that their personality makes them " not nice" because of their difficulties with social interaction action that comes naturally to others.

I've been introverted and my child even more. We suffered horrible bullying and exckusion for just being shy. I wish I had someone like her in my child's primary years. But it's your choice

Exclusion

You're getting anxious over someone who hasn't contacted you for two years. I doubt she's going to want to be your best mate. If your kids play together, great. That doesn't mean you have to be friends with her. Just because she's a loud extrovert type, that really doesn't mean she wants to be your best friend.

I'm not at all sociable myself but at the end of the day people can buy a house wherever they want; it's really not something you can do anything about and I doubt this will ever be any real issue for you anyway.