Page 2 | How would you feel about this?

SummerGal21 · 2025-08-19T04:27:40+00:00

I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year. I am 30, she is 30 next year. We live separately, about 45 minutes away from each other. She has been renting a flat for the last few years, it is a housing association one so a bit cheaper than privately renting in her area, and she works a full-time job. She has been having some issues with some new neighbours that have moved in, so was planning on giving her notice and moving out back to her parent’s house. However, it has now come to light that the new neighbours are probably going to move out again soon due to a relationship break-up and losing their jobs, they have also been threatened with eviction because of their behaviour and complaints against them. I had a discussion with her, about whether this would influence her decision to move out or not, if they no longer lived there. She said that yes she would probably stay at her flat if that was the case. The topic then come up again a couple of weeks later, and she said that no, she had decided to still move out and back to her parent’s house in a couple of months time. The reason she gave was that she basically wanted more money to herself and to “treat herself” every month. Now, this is where I feel a bit uneasy. She doesn’t earn a massive amount (around £1700 on a basic month, £1900 on an enhanced month) but she has managed to afford the flat for 2 years on her own now (since her ex-partner moved out) and has savings to fall back on if needed. If she was moving back to her parent’s house to save money for something in particular - say to buy a property - then fair enough, but I just feel like that is basically a nearly 30 year old adult saying that they don’t want the responsibility of financing an ‘adult life’ and just wants to live with mum and dad to basically just buy themselves loads of new shit every month like a young adult would do? And then what is the plan after living there for a period of time, when basically she would be back in the same situation she is in now but probably paying more in a privately rented space? How would everyone else feel about this? Is this a bit of a red flag?

Original poster

SummerGal21 · 19/08/2025 08:43

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 08:39

She could be, but there’s not enough information here to tell us that. She’s going to live with her parents to have more money to herself and for treats, that could include saving. It’s very likely it will, as she already has savings so has a history of saving. She’ll be paying to live there, presumably an amount her parents are ok with, even if OP thinks it’s too low. Thats between them really,

As for dinner, we often make our adult child dinner, we’re making it anyway. He still lives quite independently at home, he cooks when he is home to do so, he mucks in with the washing as we don’t all do our own, he does housework, diy, gardening etc. It’s very possible OPs girlfriend will be doing all that, she doesn’t seem to have shared much information so OP is just assuming the worst along either others on the thread.

What is clear is that OP has a low opinion of their girlfriend and feels they’re on different paths so I’d end the relationship if I was them.

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So that’s why you’ve taken the thread personally - your family are in the same boat. Yes she probably will be saving and yes she will be paying her parents - but she has no end plan and has said so herself. She doesn’t want to buy her own house either. So my fear is that she will end up living too comfortably having things done for her and not properly paying her way, and not want to be independent again well into her 30’s. That isn’t attractive to me, as I’m sure it isn’t to other people either given the replies on this thread.

OP posts:

TheDogOnlyEatsBiscuitsIfTheyreDippedInTea · 19/08/2025 08:47

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 08:39

She could be, but there’s not enough information here to tell us that. She’s going to live with her parents to have more money to herself and for treats, that could include saving. It’s very likely it will, as she already has savings so has a history of saving. She’ll be paying to live there, presumably an amount her parents are ok with, even if OP thinks it’s too low. Thats between them really,

As for dinner, we often make our adult child dinner, we’re making it anyway. He still lives quite independently at home, he cooks when he is home to do so, he mucks in with the washing as we don’t all do our own, he does housework, diy, gardening etc. It’s very possible OPs girlfriend will be doing all that, she doesn’t seem to have shared much information so OP is just assuming the worst along either others on the thread.

What is clear is that OP has a low opinion of their girlfriend and feels they’re on different paths so I’d end the relationship if I was them.

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I agree with this. She could be very sensible to move home and save for a few years, but if you think it’s simply laziness and you’re just different people with plans that don’t match up, then end things now. I agree that you don’t seem to like her very much.

TheDogOnlyEatsBiscuitsIfTheyreDippedInTea · 19/08/2025 08:47

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 08:39

She could be, but there’s not enough information here to tell us that. She’s going to live with her parents to have more money to herself and for treats, that could include saving. It’s very likely it will, as she already has savings so has a history of saving. She’ll be paying to live there, presumably an amount her parents are ok with, even if OP thinks it’s too low. Thats between them really,

As for dinner, we often make our adult child dinner, we’re making it anyway. He still lives quite independently at home, he cooks when he is home to do so, he mucks in with the washing as we don’t all do our own, he does housework, diy, gardening etc. It’s very possible OPs girlfriend will be doing all that, she doesn’t seem to have shared much information so OP is just assuming the worst along either others on the thread.

What is clear is that OP has a low opinion of their girlfriend and feels they’re on different paths so I’d end the relationship if I was them.

Show quote history

I agree with this. She could be very sensible to move home and save for a few years, but if you think it’s simply laziness and you’re just different people with plans that don’t match up, then end things now. I agree that you don’t seem to like her very much.

ShitYoureAMess · 19/08/2025 09:09

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 08:39

She could be, but there’s not enough information here to tell us that. She’s going to live with her parents to have more money to herself and for treats, that could include saving. It’s very likely it will, as she already has savings so has a history of saving. She’ll be paying to live there, presumably an amount her parents are ok with, even if OP thinks it’s too low. Thats between them really,

As for dinner, we often make our adult child dinner, we’re making it anyway. He still lives quite independently at home, he cooks when he is home to do so, he mucks in with the washing as we don’t all do our own, he does housework, diy, gardening etc. It’s very possible OPs girlfriend will be doing all that, she doesn’t seem to have shared much information so OP is just assuming the worst along either others on the thread.

What is clear is that OP has a low opinion of their girlfriend and feels they’re on different paths so I’d end the relationship if I was them.

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This.
My niece moved back in with her mum to save money and be able to have nice things. She couldn’t save more than £100 a month living by herself and was getting nowhere. She has just moved out after 5 ish years with a £60k house deposit into a lovely home of her own. Sometimes what is seen by some as a step back can actually be the best thing. My sister even made her dinner most nights but my niece did her fair share. My niece is very capable and independent and now has my sister over for dinner a couple of times a week. She’s very grateful of the opportunity to save and not be renting forever.

OP, I do not think this is the red flag you think it is, but it sounds like you have made up your mind that she isn’t the woman for you which is fine. Just tell her. With you having a child, it was never going to be an easy thing to navigate.

Divebar2021 · 19/08/2025 09:27

Yes from a parents perspective you can see the sense but you have to agree for a romantic partner that it’s less than ideal. Where do you have sex? Do these adults who live at home visit their partners and stay over there or do they tip - toe around the parents house ?

Swiftie1878 · 19/08/2025 09:35

SummerGal21 · 19/08/2025 08:37

I understand that but I see her quite a bit, she spends time with friends and family, she’s very rarely actually alone. But again, if she struggles that much to be alone that she does have to move in with her parents, that’s something I would find unattractive and not particularly compatible with myself as I would expect an adult of that age to be fairly comfortable with their own company every once in a while.

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You sound quite mismatched tbh.
You’ll be in danger of becoming her mother, and she’ll become the recalcitrant teenager.

Find a grown-up to date!

HappyByTheRiver · 19/08/2025 09:37

Divebar2021 · 19/08/2025 09:27

Yes from a parents perspective you can see the sense but you have to agree for a romantic partner that it’s less than ideal. Where do you have sex? Do these adults who live at home visit their partners and stay over there or do they tip - toe around the parents house ?

As a mum, it does make sense. I want my children to save and buy their own house if that is what they want and they have the best chance of that if they stay with us in the current climate. I think this woman sounds sensible and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be able to afford some treats too. I think OP doesn’t see a future with this woman so I agree they should end the relationship.

My children don’t need to tip toe around our house, it’s their home. Partners are welcome, their sex life isn’t my business. 🤨 We have a big house and go away regularly so they have the house to themselves sometimes too. With the housing crisis, we’re doing to have more adult kids staying with their parents for longer.

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 09:56

SummerGal21 · 19/08/2025 08:43

So that’s why you’ve taken the thread personally - your family are in the same boat. Yes she probably will be saving and yes she will be paying her parents - but she has no end plan and has said so herself. She doesn’t want to buy her own house either. So my fear is that she will end up living too comfortably having things done for her and not properly paying her way, and not want to be independent again well into her 30’s. That isn’t attractive to me, as I’m sure it isn’t to other people either given the replies on this thread.

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I haven’t taken it personally, I’ve just disagreed with you and some others and given a different perspective. Not everyone will agree with you and I see quite a few have agreed with things I’ve said now.

No, my family are not in the same boat. My oldest is only in his early 20s and lives in his uni city during term time and with us the rest of the time. I’ll be happy if he chooses to live with us after uni to save money and have chance to treat himself to some nice things. If he does live with us, he’ll pull his weight at home as he does already when he is here. Living at home with parents doesn’t automatically mean you are incompetent and lazy, we’d never have let our kids be like that. Our youngest is a teen and they’re all fully functioning humans but with parents willing to give them an opportunity to live with us for as long as they like to save money and have nice things, fully expecting them to move out with hopefully a sizeable house deposit.

Maybe moving out so young has skewed your views?

Does any of it matter? You have a low opinion of your girlfriend, assuming the worst when she hasn’t shared much information about her future plans with you. The relationship seems to have run its course which happens especially when you are in very different places, you having a child and her not.

TheBestWasYetToCome · 19/08/2025 10:03

HappyByTheRiver · 19/08/2025 09:37

As a mum, it does make sense. I want my children to save and buy their own house if that is what they want and they have the best chance of that if they stay with us in the current climate. I think this woman sounds sensible and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be able to afford some treats too. I think OP doesn’t see a future with this woman so I agree they should end the relationship.

My children don’t need to tip toe around our house, it’s their home. Partners are welcome, their sex life isn’t my business. 🤨 We have a big house and go away regularly so they have the house to themselves sometimes too. With the housing crisis, we’re doing to have more adult kids staying with their parents for longer.

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Yes, the mention of sex is odd. Parents manage to have healthy sex lives, why wouldn’t adult kids living at home? I had sex as an adult when I lived with my parents. As you say, it was none of their business, same as our kids sex lives are none of ours. Bizarre.

toomuchfaff · 19/08/2025 11:44

It's a massive red flag. It'd be a no from me and id end the relationship.

A grown 30yr old, having lived alone now wants to go back to mum and dad so they can revert to a teenager again? Abiding by house rules, no independence?

Yeah im out, let alone the financial aspects, but they are also manipulative to the parents; parents being pressured to accept because other siblings there? tough fucking shit, you left. 2 years ago. Its not like she is destitute, homeless, house repossessed or burnt down and this is a temporary measure - its planned and pressured. Im coming home YOU can support me. The parents have done their bit, youre grown.

Yeah im walking away from that relationship before that move back to parents.