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Original poster

MIL staying for a few nights while going through divorce - causing issues between me and husband

52 replies

Biosblbay · 18/08/2025 21:52

So I don’t have an amazing relationship with my MIL, she hasn’t been very fair, especially to my husband over the years, always took her soon to be ex husbands side over her own son, he even stopped us from going round their home to visit including her first grandchild which is our first born who is now almost 3 and she didn’t do anything about it, she is not very maternal, doesn’t help us an awful lot financially when she has so much money, just a very selfish person. She has just left a toxic marriage after years of myself and my husband (her son) warning her that it was a bad idea, it’s now become very problematic and even more toxic. The MIL only after a few days of filing divorce is now with someone new, who we have met, but it’s caused more problems with the soon to be ex husband resulting in her needing to leave her marital home. She isn’t allowed to stay round the new partners as his children have not welcomed her (they only lost their mum 7 months ago so it is all very quick for them to have another lady in their home), she is refusing to be around the ex husbands so my husband has now said she can stay here a few nights. Tonight is the second night, I am hoping it is the last but my husband has other plans….

so here is my issue, we have a 5 week old baby, still very new, our 3 year old is still adjusting to the new baby, it’s hectic, we are so tired, lots of change etc, so I have told him no that she cannot stay. He is becoming quite angry at this, saying that I am the one with the issue etc. I have been in my bedroom all night tonight just avoiding being around her, just found out she still isn’t here yet and it’s almost 10pm! She rocked up at 11pm last night which I just don’t think is acceptable. She decided to drink a whole bottle of wine in the living room to herself which I find unacceptable to do when we have young kids, I feel uncomfortable, I like to walk around naked in my own home, just be myself in my own home, still getting used to all this change to now this happening.

I just feel like she’s never helped us so why should we help her, she has 3 rental properties she could use in a worst case scenario, she has other family members, the new partner could just tell his kids that it’s his house so he can have who he wants to stay, she could just stay in the marital home, but I feel like the burden is on us (especially me) and the fact my husband doesn’t accept my views and feelings and considers his mums more is really upsetting me and stressing me out.

OP posts:
SlenderRations · 18/08/2025 23:53

5 weeks!!!!!!! You poor thing. No no and no

carchi · 19/08/2025 18:30

saraclara · 18/08/2025 23:10

I just feel like she’s never helped us so why should we help her, she has 3 rental properties she could use in a worst case scenario,

She can't turn tenants out with no notice, so that she can stay there for a few days!!!!

Have you the slightest idea how long it takes to get a tenant out of a rental property?

Well maybe the MIL should have thought about that before becoming so estranged from her ex that she doesn't want to go home and checked whether her new man could help her. Seems she wants everyone else to sort out her mess. If she has three rentals then she is not short of money so just get a hotel.

GiveDogBone · 19/08/2025 18:34

Either she has to stay in a way you don’t notice (I.e. not make any disturbance, not require any support, etc) , heck she can even help with things, all of which may be perfectly possible, if she’s asked to. Or she can go and stay at another of her children’s places.

VaseofViolets · 19/08/2025 18:39

Anything that happened in the past between her and DH is their business. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you and no good will come of getting involved. Most of your post is totally irrelevant to you and your husband’s problem to sort.

Her having a bottle of wine in the living room and you thinking it’s inappropriate because you have young children in the house is just another level of reaching though. It’s not a problem, you just want to make it one. You’re actively trying to find any and all possible reasons to dislike her. I feel so sorry for your DH having to put up with it.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 19/08/2025 21:30

Biosblbay · 18/08/2025 21:52

So I don’t have an amazing relationship with my MIL, she hasn’t been very fair, especially to my husband over the years, always took her soon to be ex husbands side over her own son, he even stopped us from going round their home to visit including her first grandchild which is our first born who is now almost 3 and she didn’t do anything about it, she is not very maternal, doesn’t help us an awful lot financially when she has so much money, just a very selfish person. She has just left a toxic marriage after years of myself and my husband (her son) warning her that it was a bad idea, it’s now become very problematic and even more toxic. The MIL only after a few days of filing divorce is now with someone new, who we have met, but it’s caused more problems with the soon to be ex husband resulting in her needing to leave her marital home. She isn’t allowed to stay round the new partners as his children have not welcomed her (they only lost their mum 7 months ago so it is all very quick for them to have another lady in their home), she is refusing to be around the ex husbands so my husband has now said she can stay here a few nights. Tonight is the second night, I am hoping it is the last but my husband has other plans….

so here is my issue, we have a 5 week old baby, still very new, our 3 year old is still adjusting to the new baby, it’s hectic, we are so tired, lots of change etc, so I have told him no that she cannot stay. He is becoming quite angry at this, saying that I am the one with the issue etc. I have been in my bedroom all night tonight just avoiding being around her, just found out she still isn’t here yet and it’s almost 10pm! She rocked up at 11pm last night which I just don’t think is acceptable. She decided to drink a whole bottle of wine in the living room to herself which I find unacceptable to do when we have young kids, I feel uncomfortable, I like to walk around naked in my own home, just be myself in my own home, still getting used to all this change to now this happening.

I just feel like she’s never helped us so why should we help her, she has 3 rental properties she could use in a worst case scenario, she has other family members, the new partner could just tell his kids that it’s his house so he can have who he wants to stay, she could just stay in the marital home, but I feel like the burden is on us (especially me) and the fact my husband doesn’t accept my views and feelings and considers his mums more is really upsetting me and stressing me out.

It doesn’t sound like it’s a permanent move in. Can’t you just support your husband in his wishes for a few days? You want to walk around naked when you have kids? Sorry, you just sound not very mature and like a petulant child. Just be supportive for a few days. I’m sure he will get sick of her soon enough and send her packing himself.

PotatoLove · 19/08/2025 22:00

Has she left yet OP?

Squishymallows · 19/08/2025 22:03

Octavia64 · 18/08/2025 23:07

You gave birth 5 weeks ago.

that alone means no houseguests unless you want them.

This. You have a dh problem, get angry. Tell him he must tell her to go or you will and you won’t be polite about it so it’s best he does it.

Squishymallows · 19/08/2025 22:04

Spinmerightroundbaby · 19/08/2025 21:30

It doesn’t sound like it’s a permanent move in. Can’t you just support your husband in his wishes for a few days? You want to walk around naked when you have kids? Sorry, you just sound not very mature and like a petulant child. Just be supportive for a few days. I’m sure he will get sick of her soon enough and send her packing himself.

Show quote history

What’s wrong with walking around naked when you have kids? I think people who hide normal human bodies from children are weird and give their children complexs

OCDmama · 19/08/2025 22:30

Sounds like your DH married his mother.

MySweetMaggie · 19/08/2025 23:02

Your husband is out of order. He should be protecting you, just 5 weeks post giving birth and you're exhausted with a 3 year old too. Your MIL sounds very self focussed too.

VaseofViolets · 19/08/2025 23:02

Squishymallows · 19/08/2025 22:04

What’s wrong with walking around naked when you have kids? I think people who hide normal human bodies from children are weird and give their children complexs

Show quote history

OP wants to walk around naked, but god forbid MIL drinks wine 😂

DarklingIlisten · 20/08/2025 01:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ due to privacy concerns.

Lanaz20 · 20/08/2025 04:43

Unfortunately you have a DH problem. For him to allow anyone to stay when you are post partum without your 100% blessing is unacceptable and for you to feel stress when establishing your adjusted family with baby and other little one is so not on. I fear this callous disregard from DH is not the only place he's lacking. I'm sorry to hear you're navigating this. Congratulations 🎉 on your new bubba

Original poster
Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:18

@carchi she does have a lot of money, I have told my husband she will have to get a hotel or rent. She did stay last night unfortunately but I have told him this is the last night. 3 nights is enough

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:24

@Spinmerightroundbaby I just want to make this clear, so I do not walk around the house naked all day 😂 however I sleep naked, I combi feed so it’s easier for me to breast feed when I don’t have clothes on in the night, or if I make a bottle in the night then I do just get up naked to make it. I also walk back to my room naked after a shower. The hard thing is we live in a bungalow so it’s not like I even have the privacy of an upstairs, but I do not hide away from my 3 year old nor will I my baby.

@Squishymallows thank you for your comment though, I agree! those who hide their bodies from their children are usually the ones that sexualise everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:26

@Lanaz20i agree, others have said this too. Mumsnet really is the only way I can get him to see sense and that I am not crazy! Luckily when I showed him the responses he actually agreed and I think realised that he was or of order, especially to allow her to stay without even asking me first. He has been stern with her, and although she stayed last night again, he has told her this will be the last night

OP posts:
Original poster
Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:31

@PotatoLove she stayed last night, so that will make it the third night, I have told my husband this is the last night and I would really appreciate that she leaves, 3 nights is enough, he said he has passed on the message and said she needs to get something sorted, however I have a feeling he may still allow her to continue to stay until she finds an alternative.

OP posts:
CheapMustard · 20/08/2025 05:40

It sounds like massive communication issues. She’s likely deliberately staying out of the house until 11pm, not realising that’s annoying for you. It’s weird that she financially helps your husbands siblings but not him, has he directly addressed this with her?

At the end of the day, you had a baby 5 weeks ago, as you’re not close, and she’s not pitching in, she needs to recognise this. It’s quite a bonding time for your own family unit. Like you say, if she has 3 Airbnbs, she needs to bite the bullet and stay in one of them.

Good luck with your new little one. Hopefully husband can amicably sort out his mum.

beAsensible1 · 20/08/2025 05:41

She probably just wants to stay at your as it’s closer to new man and she knows you’ll be around due to mat leave.

doubt it has much to do with DH.

the money thing is separate and more than likely most parents have a cut off point for £ giving. He might’ve used his good will up with the asking

Yellowbirdcage · 20/08/2025 06:16

You poor thing. A toddler and brand new baby is enough for anyone without this extra stress. MIL is in that excitement phase with new bloke and is acting selfishly.
Personally I’d be pleased she’s out all the time. Do you have a room for her? Or is she is your shared space?

Lanaz20 · 20/08/2025 06:17

Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:26

@Lanaz20i agree, others have said this too. Mumsnet really is the only way I can get him to see sense and that I am not crazy! Luckily when I showed him the responses he actually agreed and I think realised that he was or of order, especially to allow her to stay without even asking me first. He has been stern with her, and although she stayed last night again, he has told her this will be the last night

I'm really glad it's her last night.
I AM concerned that rather than allowing you to be your own expert on you needing space to be recover and navigate a new and entirely dependent family member he needs to see it from random mumsnet people. He needs to swiftly elevate you up and start putting you and his own children first in your own home.

Hiphopboppertybop99 · 20/08/2025 08:19

Why can't she stay with one of her other children?

Original poster
Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 10:10

@Hiphopboppertybop99 they are only 19 and 23 and are both currently living with their Dad (they are my husbands half brother and sister, he has a different Dad to them)

OP posts:
rwalker · 20/08/2025 10:26

Let’s be honest it is never going to be 3 nights

unfortunately and I’m guilty of this to some people have a misplaced loyalty to there parents by default

going forward be prepared for emotional blackmail if her some how she will be the victim in all this

But on a practical level I’d give her a fortnight to sort a more long term solution grin and bear it

carchi · 20/08/2025 21:24

Biosblbay · 20/08/2025 05:18

@carchi she does have a lot of money, I have told my husband she will have to get a hotel or rent. She did stay last night unfortunately but I have told him this is the last night. 3 nights is enough

Stay strong stand your ground this is your home and you have a right to say who stays in it. I am so pleased that your DH is now seeing it from your perspective take care.

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