Family furniture

[AiryFairyLights]

There’s an item of furniture that has been in our family for over 60 years! It was originally given to my parents, my grandparents had it for a while (15+yrs) it went to an uncle then my sister and when she no longer wanted it, it came to me! I was ecstatic, it means the world to me.

Today I said my daughter could make use of it on the proviso that it comes back if they no longer want to use it or we want it back when we’re ready (we’re in the process of moving and won’t have space for a while).

when I mentioned this to my mother, I got snapped at and told that I’m only the guardian and if ever I don’t want it, it should be offered to my siblings! Yet, one of my siblings had it at some stage and didn’t want it - I was lucky enough to say I’d love it etc. No idea if it was offered to anyone else but I’m absolutely certain if my sister had given it to her daughter that would’ve been totally acceptable, with no questions asked!
Is it me? Am I being unreasonable to be hurt by the reaction? She was fine once I reiterated that they were only having it whilst we don’t need nor have the room and that it would then be coming back to me?

*edit to add it’s not worth a fortune or anything, it’s a very large dresser which needs a massive room to do it justice

YANBU.

Once she has given it away, it isn't for her to say what happens to it.

Equally, whereas an old dresser in the right room can be lovely, many, many houses don't have the space for it so there's not telling your siblings would want it anyway.

I disagree with the above poster. Heirlooms are often family owned rather than owned by the individual (morally not legally) and whoever has them currently is their “guardian”. I look after an heirloom piece of furniture like that at the moment. So although legally it’s mine, morally I wouldn’t sell it or give it away out of the family. It will go to my DS when I die, with the same proviso - it stays within the family. What’s weird here though is that your DM is not happy with your daughter looking after it? Not sure why that would be. It’s still family. Why can it only be your siblings?

I have a similar situation with a large piece of furniture made by my husband’s father, MIL is downsizing so we are expected to house this piece as we are the only ones with enough space, it is hoped that one of the younger nephews or nieces might want it in the future, realistically, it is going to take up a lot of space I’m my house until we need to downsize in around 15 years and then someone else will have to find a space for it.

But the OP isn't selling it, giving it away on FreeCycle or chopping it up for firewood @RigIt - it is staying in the family.

If the Mother wants it that badly though, then she needs to accommodate it. No-one else can dictate what furniture you have in your own home - which I'd also say to @Notmymug . If you like it, absolutely, how lovely. But if you don't, I'd be saying 'no thanks'.
If people want to keep old pieces of furniture, however beautiful, but they don't have room, then fine they offer it to people, but they can't dictate that someone has it. They can pay for storage if they want to keep it.

I have several family items.

Like you I'm giving house-room to a huge (very fine) mahogany dresser that I don't want & don't really have room for.

I also have a coal box that appears in a 19thC photo of my GGparents which they were given as a wedding present. I have a brass fender that my Gparents bought 2nd hand when they got married in 192?? I am also the custodian of the photo album set up by my GGmother in 18?? which has photos going from the mid 1800's through to 1993 when my GM died & stopped adding to it. Oh - I also have the Aspidistra that my GGmother used to take with her to the air-raid shelters when there was an air-raid. She took that, a box with her insurance & other documents & a rosary. The Aspidistra has been much divided & re-potted, but it's still essentially the same plant.

Don't get me started on the various vases with engravings memorialising various feats of singing & music that my ancestors received. I come from a family of musicians who belonged to lots of choirs, musical societies etc &, in the 19thC they were keen on giving out prizes - all of which seem to be in the mahogany cabinet that I don't want or need.

The brass fender is the bane of my life as I hate polishing it -especially now that I'm umm...more mature & have dodgy knees. I've offered it around the family but no-one wants it, but everyone says not to get rid of it because they remember it at Granny's house.

When I offer divisions of the aspidistra they are always welcome - apparently they sell for about £5 per leaf & my divisions are always very large as they don't like to be disturbed until they become impossibly pot-bound.

I also have both GFather's apprentice articles (framed) - again no-one wants that, but ask me not to get rid.

As for the family photo album, again no-one wants that from me, but again shock horror when I suggest getting rid.

I fear that I will have to hoist these things on people & leave them in my will. They can decide what to do when I'm dead & gone to a better place.

Being the oldest & custodian of the sentimental family goods is not a pleasant place to be.

I would quite happily say no to MIL, but it’s not just my house it’s ‘our house’ and DH obviously has more of an emotional attachment to his late father’s items and his mother 🙄 which makes things more difficult.