People that congratulate OP on the faintest line on a pregnancy test

[Peachbellini007]

It’s a pet peeve of mine!

OP posts a photo of a faint line on a pregnancy test, could be an evap - or could well be a faint positive. She isn’t sure, asks for line eyes and some comments are congratulating OP. Whilst I totally understand congratulating a very clear positive. I see often OP getting congratulations on a barely there line to then update a few days later that her period has arrived.

YANBU - agree, you shouldn’t congratulate OP on a positive test when it is the faintest line. Just say you can see something. You could be getting her hopes up on an evap.

YABU - don’t be negative, OP is the one putting herself in the position for all comments so if it gets her hopes up then it’s ultimately her issue. Saying congratulations is nice and no malicious intent

I see often OP getting congratulations on a barely there line to then update a few days later that her period has arrived.

Really? Often? I don't. I'd say 9 out of 10 I read, she's pregnant.

It's exactly what @BlueandWhitePorcelain said. If you're very actively TTC and if you know or suspect you are having problems, you're not thinking 'hmm, shall I start the folic acid and knock the chardonnay on the head?'. You've probably done that months ago. But you probably do want to start getting a sense of whether or not you seem to be conceiving. If you end up going for fertility treatment, it's really useful to go into it with some idea and it helps you prepare for what your options might be.

(And yes, folic acid in the first weeks is important; obviously if you find out you are pregnant and you weren't taking it there's nothing to be done and you can't beat yourself up, but if you're actively trying, you really do want to take it from the start - it's associated with preventing malformations of the brain and spine, which start to happen pretty early in embryonic development.)

I don't know, if I hadn't continued testing | wouldn't have noticed that the lines weren't getting darker and then the bleed I had at 5w would have been a terrible shock. At least I was prepared. For me, that was better.

If I was in doubt about a pregnancy test result - I think I’d buy another one and redo the test - probably more accurate than a grainy photograph being ‘read’ by other people on the internet.

There's a spectrum of opinions and feelings about pregnancy testing which I think people who post in AIBU (or anywhere but TTC) don't necessarily expect.

On one end you have those who are using ovulation sticks, talking about egg-white mucus, DPO, FRER (first response tests), the 2WW etc. and on the other those who blithely suggest it's dead easy to just wait until your period is a week late, do one test and then get on with it for 9 months.

I don't think one will ever empathise with the other!

'In any scenario' - really? I respect your choice not to test early but there are lots of understandable scenarios. If I hadn't caught my early losses via testing I wouldn't have qualified for the aspirin and progesterone treatment that helped me carry my son.

There was one loss just before a work trip. I tracked my fading line and steeled myself for what was going to happen. I don't know how I would have coped with a surprise bleed the morning of the presentation. It was bad enough anyway.

If you’re actively ttc I think you would have iron strength not to do a pregnancy test if your period was 2 weeks late! I agree waiting for your period to actually be late probably saves heartache for some and that’s what I’ve tried to do.

But I can’t get worked up about what other women feel is important to them if it helps them through being pregnant again after loss or fertility treatment or whatever.

YY, this.

I agree everyone is different and I certainly understand why some people actively prefer not to know whether they're pregnant early on, especially if that's connected to previous losses.

But it's important people understand that there can be serious medical reasons why you would want to know as much as possible, as early as possible.

I personally think if people are asking for reassurance from strangers on MN, why can’t they enjoy a moment of pregnancy no matter how it ends. I’ve had fertility treatment and my coping mechanism is believing it’s going to happen for us. I know not everyone’s the same but I think it’s a really personal journey. I quite like seeing a line eyes thread and having positive updates!

The value in testing early, which you and other posters seem to miss, is being able to get the right help if you fail to conceive in the long term.

Your SIL would have been about 6 weeks early - a lot has to go right in pregnancy terms to get that far, vs failing to conceive at all. If this happened repeatedly, this would be essential information for her doctors, who will provide treatment to try to sustain a pregnancy rather than try to work out why she isn't getting pregnant at all.

In this wonderful time in the past, it didn't matter if you knew if you were getting pregnant or not because there was very little they could do. Times have moved on, there are benefits to testing early, and thinking women shouldn't know what is going on in their bodies because it might upset them is patriarchal bullshit.

Well fucking said. The tools are there, if a woman wants to use them to take control of her own body, ability to conceive and ultimately sustain a pregnancy then it’s absolutely her right and no one else’s business.

I tested early because I could. One pregnancy I lost, one thankfully progressed. Losing the first was traumatic despite it being early but I still feel it was right for me to have been in the know about it.

I was someone who had to test before my period arrived. I have to take progesterone and injections to thin my blood and the earlier I started, the better chance of survival for the fetus - having had 5 miscarriages previously. Women are not testing early fun.

Knowing about it 5 days earlier is the reason that my child was born and my previous 5 pregnancies were lost

I had to test early as well. I had two early miscarriages, and then my twins died at birth - stillbirth and neonatal death all in 15 months. The minute I had a positive pregnancy test I was put on aspirin and progesterone. It honestly kept me somewhat sane. To be honest since my twins died in particular, pregnancy has never been the same. The loss of my sons made me highly anxious and worried I'd never have a child again. I did go on to have their sibling and I'm pregnant again but each and everytime I found ttc crippling and I over tested so much. Loss absolutely changes you and having burried my two beautiful boys, the joy of pregnancy was robbed. I dont blame anyone for the obsessing over testing, I never thought I'd be like that.

You wrote before this that early testing is nuts. Naturally a poster commented that they needed to due to losses.

If you have had losses and I'm sorry if you have then you should have a bit more empathy towards those who have too.

I had to test early so that I could be prescribed progesterone and aspirin straight away.

I had two early miscarriages, and then I lost twin boys at birth - stillbirth and his brother died on the neonatal unit 4 days later. In regards to your previous comment, I'm not nuts for testing early. I'm a grieving mom who wanted to bring her babies home more than anything. Thankfully I got the chance after, and was given the aspirin snd progesterone I needed once that faint line came up.

The “don’t get me started” part of your comment is a pet peeve of mine.

First pregnancy I just tested on digitals once a week to feel the amazement of my weeks going up (3 years infertility, sudden pregnancy, miscarried).

second pregnancy, I tested positive at 6dpo and knew something was up. Tested daily and had erratic increasing. Tests along with other evidence led to early detection of ectopic pregnancy.

There is value, if not clinical value, in test comparison. If I hadn’t had my experiences I wouldn’t think this, but it’s not fair to judge if you haven’t had those experiences.

lol these comments! Early testing is a very helpful tool, as @Ella31 says, for progesterone to be prescribed after multiple losses. Additionally, it provides information about the body. I’ve been trying a total of 5 years including multiple failed ivfs. And two (natural) pregnancies in that time. If I were to get a “chemical” that was detected early then lost, it would provide useful information: my cervical stenosis isn’t causing issues with access, my damaged tube is still able to transport an egg, my hormones are still at least balanced enough to begin implantation. Honestly, these comments are coming from illogical and judgemental places, as though there’s something shameful or weak about testing early.

The absolute worst posts start with the title “am I pregnant” - if you can’t read a pregnancy test get a digital one with words

ITA - DD2 has endometriosis. She had a laparoscopy ten years ago to get rid of it, but it came back. She’s had quite a few scans since, and hasn’t seen her left ovary on any of them. She doesn’t know what’s happened to it.

When she got pregnant, with irregular cycles varying between 21 days and 32, she didn’t know when she ovulated. She had blood tests, but their results weren’t reliable either. Her OH was concerned that if she had an ectopic pregnancy, which apparently is more likely with endometriosis, she could lose her right fallopian tube too. He wanted her to have a scan at 6 weeks to check it was implanted in the uterus. (He’s a doctor)

Absolutely agree with the sentiment here!

And FWIW, the idea that it's only modern women that have agonised about early pregnancy isn't even true. Sure, in the past, there wasn't much effective treatment - but you still get people who genuinely believed they could tell someone was pregnant days (literally days) after conception, and who hoped they could find some way to protect that sort of very early pregnancy. It's really not just us. We're only different in that sometimes the help is actually real.