To give baby my surname

[Overitmum]

Iv two kids already both have my surname and im due my third soon. This one has a different dad and while we are in a relationship baby was not planned but very much loved. My partner wants me to give baby his surname but im leaning towards my name as firstly my other two have my name and secondly we have been having some issues in the relationship and unless big changes are made I can’t see us being together forever. He keeps saying all his nieces and nephews have his family’s name and our baby will be the only one different but the same argument could be made that my other kids have my name. Iv suggested double barrel surname but he’s not happy. Would just like some advise from others outside of the situation as you can expect my family are on my side and his on his side.

Definitely your surname. You’re the one doing the hard part!

Yanbu at all, definitely use your name

Your surname. You'll never leave your kids, your partner may.

Absolutely use your surname. Dont compromise at all

Your name (no question unless married and you decide to take their name too)

You’re carrying the child, will give birth to the child and shall be left with the child if the relationship ends. Give it your surname. When he births a baby he can do the same.

Mother‘s surname, as is traditional plus being better for you and your existing children.
Cousins don’t usually all share a surname anyway, he’s clutching at straws there.

Definitely your name. No question about it.

Give them your name. He wants husband privileges without being married!

Your surname, no question, paricularly as your relationship is looking rocky. I think that it's important for your new baby to have the same surname as its mum and siblings, particularly as you aren't married to the baby's father.

Your surname. You're not married and likely arent staying together.

Only with marriage should his surname even be considered and even then it is not guaranteed.

Your surname. Don’t even entertain his name!

If he wants tradition then I believe tradition dictates that the baby takes the mother’s surname
-it just so happened (in the UK) that the mother was usually married to the father of the child and had taken husband’s surname, so it seems as if the baby had the father’s surname but that’s not really the case.

Anyway, cousins typically have different surnames unless their fathers are brothers with the same surname.

Men and their contradictory traditions aye 😂😂😂

Most certainly give your baby your surname, you could use his as a middle name IF you are feeling generous.

He wants husband and dad privileges, when it's highly likely he will be neither. Tell him to do one.

Edit: by 'neither' I mean it sounds like he won't stick around, and will be little more than a sperm donor. I don't mean that he is not the biological father,

Thank you all so much. His nieces and nephews all come from his sisters so I find it funny they can have mums surname but it’s an issue when it comes to me doing it. A lot of you are right I can’t see the relationship lasting he wants to have a family life during the week but still have his old life at weekends. Baby will have the same surname as myself and it’s older siblings

Sounds like he likes the aesthetic of having a child but not the reality. I am so happy to hear that you are sticking to your guns. Best of luck with your new baby.

Old life at weekends?! How very committed he sounds. Yeah, don't saddle him with the surname of a man this daft.

I always said I wouldn’t give a child my husband’s name unless he was my husband, we got married before having kids so not an issue but I 1000% would have given them my name if we hadn’t been married.

These men are so bloody occupied with being 'traditional' about their children having their surname they forget to be traditional and marry the child's mother before the pregnancy. Can't have it both ways... Give the child YOUR surname!!

Mine have my surname. Was not married so it was not up for discussion.

I’d definitely give the baby your surname. We gave our children my surname and eventually we all chose a new surname to have the same.

Tell him the baby will be having your surname and if you ever marry it can be changed but by the sounds of your updated posts that isn’t going to be happening.

I would not do this. Once the baby is named, the name belongs to the child. Changing it means potential hassles later in life. At that point if he wants the same name as his child, he should be the adult and deal with the name change logistics.