If your father is a very unkind and manipulative person, do you go to their funeral?

[Poodlelove]

Is it awful to not go ?
I am debating this as none of my family are going to go , sister , sons , daughter nobody.

My mother is this, my father enabled her. I have no qualms about not attending either of their funerals. I don’t care what anyone thinks - because none of the attendees with have given a shit about my experience as a child: their opinions are worthless.

If I don't go then only his wife will go and she is just as spiteful.

I am just shocked that people who are approaching 80 can be so horrible.

I am executor of their will alongside another person, but I think they would have changed that thank goodness.

Go with what you feel. What others do is up to them.

I went to my dad’s just for closure , his was mentally and physically abusive but was a good dad in other ways , but I don’t miss him . I do think about him .

No, it’s not awful not to go. Do what is best for you.

I haven’t spoken to my father for years and won’t go to his funeral if I’m told he is dead. That chapter of my life ended years ago thankfully. I feel nothing for him, even the hatred has gone, he’s just nothing.

No, it’s not awful not to go. Do what is best for you.

I haven’t spoken to my father for years and won’t go to his funeral if I’m told he is dead. That chapter of my life ended years ago thankfully. I feel nothing for him, even the hatred has gone, he’s just nothing.

Has your father changed much over the years then? If he made you executor he must have trusted you. I think as executor of his will I would go and I would get the hell out of there as soon as it was over. I also think it would annoy his wife, which could only be a good thing!

Bring your tambourine a d have a little jig. You're finally free of him 🤷🏾‍♀️.

I went to my father’s funeral.
His death was like a ton weight off my back.
I quite enjoyed the funeral and seeing the fucker burnt.

You refer to recent behaviour. Is it possible that in time you’ll put recent behaviour into the context of a lifetime of behaviour and perhaps regret not going, on balance?

Otherwise, funerals are for the living. If you have no interest in supporting his wife, don’t go unless you worry you might regret not going for your own sake.

I went and I have no regrets. It was about me knowing I did the 'right thing' and could never feel guilty that I didn't.
I also considered my siblings feelings and knew it would be easier for them all if I attended.

He was very difficult growing up , when I had my own children I realised what a hard job it was and thought he tried his best , although he had many affairs and treated my mum terribly.
I let him back into my life around 25 years ago and he has been ok , kept him at arms length , tried my best but he started showing his true colours again recently .

I didn't go to my Dad's funeral and I am still ok with that.

Better to regret going than to regret not going

Not always. Someone I know went to her father’s funeral who had been abusive. She really regretted going listening to people say how wonderful he was amongst other things. She’s really angry at herself that she went.

I didn’t go. And he’s lucky he thought to write a will to stop me getting his ashes as next of kin as I was planning to flush him down the toilet…

And no regrets here (although he didn’t get a funeral anyway so no-one attended).

Funerals are for the living. If you need closure, feel bad if you dont, want to be certain the bastards dead - go. If you dont care, cant face it alone, feel he doesnt deserve your attendance - dont go.

There absolutely is no "right" thing to do. Feel no obligation either way, pick you - the way he should have.

I wasn’t upset, which may seem cold, but I’d done all my grieving over the years for the father he would never be. I was honestly relieved that he couldn’t try to manipulate me anymore and felt free. If I’d wanted to go to his funeral (I didn’t), I wouldn’t have gone due to the behaviour of my mother and some of my siblings.
Again, it’s different for everyone, I don’t believe there is a way anyone ‘should’ feel. Caring for yourself is the most important thing to do in this situation, whatever that means for you x

My biological father is an abusive, alcoholic, POS. I will go to the funeral to make sure he is dead/closure for me.
You owe him nothing, and should only go if you want to.

I didn’t!