To think that people will accept you if you’re posh, as long as you don’t try to be something you’re not?

[ByMellowHazelHiker]

It seems like there’s a lot of pressure to fit into a particular mould but when posh people try too hard to be “down to earth” or something else, it often comes across as inauthentic. If you embrace who you are, isn’t that when people are most likely to accept you, regardless of your background?

People respond well to those comfortable in own skin - so there’s that.

Yes, there is a certain level of confidence people have that is natural, not over confident just enough

I dont get on with people who have chips on their shoulders and blame everyone else, they have no class whatsoever

I think you need to give specific examples. For example, what do you mean by 'posh'? Why would you not associate being 'down to earth' with the UC?

Can posh people not be down to earth…?

I think you’re possibly telling us more about your own prejudices, than other peoples.

By ‘posh’, I meant people from visibly upper-class or privileged backgrounds - private education, inherited wealth, very polished social codes, that kind of thing. Nothing wrong with that in itself. My point was more that when someone like that tries too hard to perform being “relatable” or “just like everyone else,” it can come across as forced. I think authenticity lands better than trying to play down who you are.

So you're saying that someone UC has to fit a certain stereotype to be accepted by others? Like if they happen to shop at Lidl or enjoy a cheeky McDonald's that means they're "trying too hard"?
I think UC people largely won't be accepted by WC and MC no matter what they do TBH, they can't do right for doing wrong in some people's eyes.

I actually had a conversation with a few friends along these lines - I'm from a very different background to them, private school, accent etc. I get on well with them because I'm not judgemental even if our tastes or politics are different. My husband is very working class and I've worked in traditionally middle to upper middle class professions so I guess I'm used to mixing with folk.

Isn't it just authenticity?

I’m not saying UC people should stick to a stereotype or avoid things like Lidl or McDonald’s, everyone’s allowed to enjoy whatever they like. My point was more about performance vs authenticity. If someone’s just being themselves, that usually comes across. But when it feels like a deliberate performance to “blend in,” it can backfire. And yes, you’re right, sometimes people will criticise either way, which says more about them than the person they’re judging.

I LOVE poshos, love their accents.

Anyone that seems to have an irrational dislike just comes across as jealous and bitter

Problem comes when it’s learned behaviour. I spent much of my childhood being mocked at parties because my accent was ‘posh’ - that leaves a mark.

Haha I get taken the mickey out of for liking king Charles and Jacob Rees mogg accents

Jacob Rees moggs accent is a work of art. There was a TV series about his family life a few months ago.

Glorious stuff.

And your comment has made me realise I've never actually heard king Charles speak lol

Do you mean like how some pop groups years ago who were quite posh used to put on fake cockney type accents

Personally, I am not a fan of the professional glottal-stopper!

See Saff Michaelis and UltimateGirlGang on insta
Rich, privileged and happy to own it and as a result very likeable

I’m proud to be posh. I love Waitrose.

Lol how's that posh? Only big supermarket in out normal town

I just think people are hard-wired to spot inauthenticity so you can sort of "smell" if someone is trying to be someone they are not and it sets off alarm bells at some instinctive level.

Combine that with the good old British class system, where people can generally "place" you, class-wise, as soon as you open your mouth, and its very hard to genuinely pass as being from a different class. And that works both ways, by the way. It's as noticeable if someone from a fairly modest background pretends to be a member of the aristocracy as it is when you have a wealthy person slumming.

But when you meet someone who is obviously quite privileged/expensively educated who is trying to act working class it it's a bit embarrassing: just silly really.

DH never makes a specific effort to fit in he is just himself. He has a RP accent. People really seem to like him very much. He is very chilled out as a human, he knows he had a very nice upbringing and was sent to one of the best public schools in the country.

Sure, but 'relatable' is context-dependent. The type of people you describe will be relatable to people of similar or adjacent social classes. You seem to be assuming that 'relatable' involves pretending to be MC or WC when you aren't. 'Down to earth' isn't a lower-class quality. Your 'earth' may be a somewhat different earth, obviously.

What a truly weird thread. Some people are likeable, others less so. What has chaviness got to do with it? I understand there is an assumption that chavs have zero discernment or articulacy, but is that really true?

My son (state comp) went to Cambridge and he didn’t experience or witness any snobbery at all, and said that anyone who was just happy to be themselves was usually accepted. It was the people who tried to be something they weren’t (either posher or less posh) who had problems with friendships. I guess most Cambridge students are confident and secure enough to just be their authentic selves.

Durham, now…I’ve heard bad things recently. Even a public school boy we knew had a miserable time because of the blatant snobbery. This may be limited to particular colleges there. If anyone has had a similar or a different experience at Durham I’d be interested to know.

I think things like richi sunak pretending to be like us normal types really didnt land. We all know he is rich and privileged so just embarassing to pretend to be like us normal folk.

On the other hand, if he’d stuck his nose in the air and been snooty that wouldn’t have gone down well either!