To think siblings aren’t automatically worth keeping in your life?

[ForRealTealCrow]

We’re told “family is family” but sometimes siblings are toxic, competitive, or just not good for you. AIBU to think being related doesn’t equal lifelong loyalty?

This, when parents are gone it's gives you absolute freedom with no awkwardness to say bye bye.
Nothing to bind you anymore.

100%. There is definitely an element of feeling you have to maintain a relationship because you are siblings but I don’t see why there should be - I’ve all but removed my DS from my life because she treated me like dirt, I wouldn’t put up with that from a friend, I won’t put up with that from my DS.

I’m one of 6 - I’m very close to my 3 sisters but could really take or leave my brothers. One is just alright, we’re quite distant but the other is absolutely useless, rude, arrogant - I could go on! I’ve already told DM that once she passes we will no longer be in contact.

I’ve 2 younger siblings.
One has MH issues and the other is self absorbed. I have cancer and life is as shit as it can get right now. My brother doesn’t want to know. My fault apparently, for moving away. CBA with him.

It is a very silly phrase. The subtext is clear, but taking it at face value is like saying 'oranges are oranges'. Okay, you've stated something breathtakingly obvious, is there anything else to add?

Absolutely not. I have a sister and a brother and I can't be arsed with either of them.
They've both got children and of the 5 DCs, I tolerate one of them - I don't know them well enough to like them.
Both siblings are toxic, both have issues with addiction and substance misuse, and frankly, I wouldn't choose them as friends, so no need to be close with them as family. My friends treat me a whole lot better.

I always thought my sister and I would grow old together, but as time has gone on things went downhill. It was always me texting/calling to ask how she was. I only ever heard from her when she’d had a row with her husband/fallen out with people at work.

There was a period in time when I got signed off work with burnout/severe utis for a month and then back to work on a phased 3 month approach. I was worried I would lose my job/be unable to pay my mortgage for myself and my young son. Did she call or text? Did she fuck! After that I told my mum I didn’t want anymore contact. That’s been about 4-5 years now I think….

Interesting to read this today.

My brother has been a drug addict for 15 years. My parents always give him money and my mum laughs off his behaviour even now which appalls me. He’s been on everything, including heroin. It is not funny.

He often messages me asking for money. He’s managed to keep a job and 2 weeks ago finally lost it.
My parents are currently giving him £2k a month to live on.

You can’t even speak to him, he’s all self pitying, defensive and that the world owes him something. He is nearly 40.
I feel so angry with him.

Some of us have children and responsibilities.
He’s barely ever bought a present for DD (7) and when I see him I pay for everything, he can’t even scrape enough change together to buy me a drink.
I have no desire to speak to him or see him again. Feel done.

I definitely do not think that siblings are great or that you have to keep them in your life. I think my experiences with my brother are why I chose to stick to one child also.

Im nc with pretty much everyone. I had a rough childhood, alcoholic parents where you literally felt like alcohol was more important than yourself and your siblings to. it was hard because we would go without a lot of things in our childhood so as my parents could buy beers, cider wine Vodka, it was just pretty horrendous, and I just really had a lot of Horrible experiences from my childhood. Invitong people back to the house from the pub, where they abused me, where my parents openly had sex with other people in front of one another and encouraging one another to do things to their friends. Meanwhile we are teens in the next room . . We never had money. We never had the correct uniform and we would go to visit our family in the states and we tirned upnto the airport in jeans and school shoes with no socms and my grandma was really shocked. . I actually hate alcohol now. And my siblings also went down wrong paths. I don't know if this was because my parents weren't really there for us, but my siblings are violet, vicious people. They are drug addicts. I only recently got in contact with one of my siblings, which started off Okay, but then the next day I got threats not just towards myself but towards my children also.
Every time I see my parents they kick off at me and start throwing horrible accusations at me. Calling me a bad mom, they direct a lot of verbal abuse towards my children as well and it's just really difficult, because I've tried so much to help them. And now I've taken a step back to focus on myself and my family, I tried so much to help the sibling who lost all their children to drugs yet. I'm the bad person for settling and be normal for having a husband and children.

In the end it's just not worth it. Both parents and siblings can be toxic. And it can affect you and your mental health and wellbeing.

Im just glad my husbands family are normal, kind and warm people and my kids are all just really lovely little people. And I will do all I can for them to have a great childhood and memories.

That was meant to say : we turned up to the airport in school shoes and no socks* in our school break holidays. Grandma was shocked as to why we were in school shoes and had like no sneakers or anything like that. And why we came on vacation with no socks. She had to go shopping for us for everything.