DH and football dominating everything 🤯

[Offherrockingchair]

An age old one. What to do? We live slap bang in the middle of the country and halfway between our respective hometowns (3-4 hours from each). Every football season, FIL buys his boys tickets. This was fine pre DC and also fine when the DC were little as we lived abroad. Back in the UK for the last three years and it’s become an absolute joke during football season.

Whenever there is a home game, DH wants to make the 7-8 hour round trip, plus game time, sometimes staying overnight, leaving me at home with the DCs. DS goes with him sometimes but finds the journey long too so often isn’t all that bothered. I’m then stuck at home, doing all the usual weekend dross, looking after everyone and get very little free time. To top it off, what used to be Saturday afternoon fixtures now seem to be Friday night, Saturday, Sunday - there’s not even a pattern to it and they all seem subject to change. He’s more than happy to stay over with PIL cos MIL makes a massive fuss of him and he gets to escape family life/absolve himself of parenting.

We’ve had a row this weekend as it’s been the first home game and he’s just got back, having left yesterday afternoon. I am so cross! He was meant to come straight back after the match but went back to PIL for dinner (and didn’t even let me know!).

I’ve told him he might as well go and live in his hometown if he loves it there so much. Clearly not a solution but I’m not putting up with this every other weekend!

There are 20 clubs in the PL, which means 19 Home matches (excluding cup competitions). When you take away mid-week matches that’s probably about 15 matches per year, out of 52 weeks… it’s not really that many.

Except from the fact the matches are 4 hours away and he stays over. It’s 15 ENTIRE weekends per year, not 15 x 2 hour matches.

Eh? That's not even remotely the same situation! Being away for a job is completely different to being away for a hobby!

This is/was my life for over 40 years. When I first met my DH he played football twice a week and trained twice a week, but always quite local. Then he got injured and had to give up so he took up snooker, which was 2 evenings each week and Sunday mornings. Once we had DS’s as soon as they were old enough he started taking them and then they started playing and he became the eldest DS manager, whilst at the time becoming season ticket holders for Spurs, where DH and eldest DS go to every home game and have done so for 20 years now. I used to quite like the time alone with second DS, we used to go shopping, have lunch out, visit friends. I wouldn’t have been happy if they were to stay away though and they never go to away games. There is compromise, when we get invited out or say over Christmas, then family/friends comes first.

Ohh… What are you going to on your alternating weekends? Visit every single National Trust property in the country? Take up pottery? Cultivate an expensive spa addiction?

He doesn’t stay over ever weekend… when he does it’s 1 night not the entire weekend. So a maximum of 30 days a year

Lots of people have hobbies, OP just needs equal time back, and find something fun to do.

Others have pointed out it is that many, but regardless the op should match the time off, disappear and leave him parenting and see if he thinks a solo day night and however long he’s away the next day every second week for months is a lot of parenting time.

I have a PL season ticket. It’s not so much the going to the games it’s the dinner and hanging about after that would piss me off. I rush in 5 mins before kick off and leg it as soon as it’s over. Of course pre children it was nice to make a whole day of it but life changes.

I think it would be fair to go to two a month and he sells the other matches, and can choose which ones are the priority. I don’t go to midweek games and there’s a few Cat C games I can easily live without seeing.

Any obsession is hard to live with, its a selfish way of life

I've read some crao on MN, but comparing wanting to go to take 24hrs+ trips twice a month for the majority of the year to soldiers going to war zones or disaster relief takes the biscuit. One is self centred, one is a job/necessary.

This isn't a football issue... its a selfishness issue. Wanting to go to football games isn't unreasonable but not when it has an extreme impact on the rest of the family.

Exactly the same issue here.

DH ,FIL and DS all have seasons tickets. Every other weekend ( generally) sometimes 3 out of 4 weekends in the month during the season!
We live a couple of hours away and unless it's a Sunday evening match he takes DS, end of story!
He's been going to home matches since he was 2.. he's now 8.
They tend to head off Friday evening return Sunday afternoon.

He used to try and complain that he doesn't get a "weekend off" ever, as he always has our child when he goes, pointed it out that it is his choice.. and actually both Grandparents are also on hand!

I've made my peace with it, but there are rules, I have the weekend mainly to myself, and when he's at home there's no whinging when I need him to do DIY or have an actual family day out.
Im actually looking forward to the first home game this season ( this weekend!) After a long and loud school Summer holidays!

Everyone saying ""you should get proportionate time off, what if she(or other sports/hobby left behinds)don't want that? What if what they want is a husband who commits to family life and supporting each other? Like you op, I'd be seriously considering my marriage. But be prepared for his friends and family painting you as controlling.

Totally agree, but the best way to start that discussion with a selfish man is making them feel the equivalent challenge by doing just as much solo parenting, and not trying to fill the gaps for him. Then you can talk about fair.